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October 2011 Moms
Heavy heart
My little buddy at work got declined for rehab. I'm unsure what she means by this, if insurance is not covering it or that the actual facilities will not take her. She had just got accepted into a rehab down in Florida but it turns out the place has a really bad reputation and could possibly be a scam.
She was planning to leave Tuesday and got the bad news today that she will not be going. She just broke down today at work. She said she should just give up and drink herself to death, and she seemed serious. In December she tried to do this and her brother knew she was upset and drove around all night. He finally found her passed out in her car in a random parking lot, and took her to the hospital.
II wish I knew how to make this better. On top of the drinking she has done heroine and a list of other drugs. Her blood is so thin from the drinking that she has bruises all over her legs. She has ulcers in her stomach. She also maxed out all credit cards.
I called just now and she seems to not be as upset. I have been really distraught about this whole thing. She is so young (22). She says she just needs someone to talk to. I just don't know what to say. I really don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I just bawled on my way home from work today. I'm scared.
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Re: Heavy heart
Penny, I'm so sorry. Is there a hotline that you can call? Maybe her parents or someone? The suicide hotline?
This afternoon I'm attending a sophomore's funeral, the one I mentioned before that committed suicide. I also learned this morning that IL's parents' friend's (we are friends with them too) brother killed himself as well. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, just saying it.
Yes, that thought crossed my mind on my way home today. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to break he confidence in me, this is a huge secret at work, but on the other hand if something happened to her I would never forgive myself. I talked to my husband when I got home and he said to FB message her and if she didn't respond or sound better to get a hold of her parents.
She responded that she wanted me to call her, she was much calmer when I talked to her at lunch time.
Her parents know what she is going through and although I think they are clueless on what to do, they are trying their best. They are pretty religious and are taking her to see their pastor this afternoon. As parents I'm sure they are scared sh!tless.
I just feel like being her only confidant at work is a huge weight to bare, I will bare it though. I don't want to say the wrong thing, or give the wrong advice.
We are going out for lunch Monday. We both work this whole weekend, we can't get out of it. I 'll get her mind off of it at work though, we are huge goof balls.
I guess it just feels good to be able to talk about the situation here because I can't really vent IRL.
Good! and make sure to jam out to the innapropriate, dirty cd you made for her. What songs did you put on there, anyway?
Basically most every song listed in that thread made it. I added a couple songs too. She had never heard "Mother Lover" from SNL before. She loved it!
Burned by the Bear
Penny, based on my experiences in life with people having these issues I have some thoughts I would like to share with you.
First, there is nothing you really can do but lend her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. If you have advice to give her (such as an alternative treatment place that may be cheaper) by all means let her know. I assume she has looked into AA or something similar? Although AA is not a treatment group it is a great support group. She may want to check with her public health department and see if the state has any programs that may have costs partially covered by the state, or may even be free.
Second, if you think she has hit a rock bottom point and may be in danger of hurting herself please go straight to the police and request a welfare check. Even if you have to do it several times then please do it. If she is in danger of hurting herself then they can take her in for a mental evaluation and I think they will keep her for up to 72 hours.
Last, you can not own her problems nor can you fix them. You are not responsible for what she does although I really do understand that it is heartbreaking to stand by and watch a ship sink. Just be there for her if she needs you but be careful too. It is easy to get sucked into co-dependency without even trying and I do not want that to happen to you. It would be great if you could be a friend to her without that line being crossed.
You are such a kind hearted person and I will keep you and your friend in my T&Ps. Please PM me if you need anything!
I think you nailed it. I want to help but I'm scared to, like you said, I don't want to get sucked into the situation too far. Thanks for the advice.
She sees a therapist a couple times a week. She see him not for a metal illness but she told me a couple weeks ago that in 2010 she was date raped and she has a lot of things to work through. I don't think she has any underlying mental condition besides pain. She was home schooled and did not get much socialization as a teen, so once she turned 18 she went wild, and this is the aftermath. (I'm not dissing homeschooling)
She is a very bright girl, who has lost herself.
I feel bad because Theisens said something bad could happen to her because she always asked me very naive sex questions. I posted about her probably over the summer. I never thought that something bad had already happened to her.