NBR: just.....done

countrygrl5533

The FB "friend" I mentioned a couple days ago just has excuses for her words.

Someone else commented that it was an ignorant and hurtful statement.

Friend said it was hurtful and she really is happy for all those new parents and it is just her opinion and FB is a place to share those.

I couldn't let it go. I responded that it may not be ignorant but it was rude and hurtful.

All she had to say back was excuses. She's "known for being a blunt person", it's "saying something is weird is a pretty tame thing to be offended by."

She is my DH's friend, not mine. I have been trying since freshman year of college, so 8.5 years, to be nice and friendly to this person. I have let her stay in my house when she visits from across the country (which is always a miserable experience). After this last time I told DH no more. Now, even more so.

I have never liked her or had anything in common with her. Just an acknowledgment that words have power and hers hurt some people, even if she didn't mean to, would be nice. But nope. We all just have to put up with her because that is just who she is.

Nope. No me. Done. Out of my life. This was a final straw for me. She and DH can go fishing when she is in the state again in 2 years but I will not be seeing her.

aeh72

countrygrl5533:

All she had to say back was excuses. She's "known for being a blunt person", it's "saying something is weird is a pretty tame thing to be offended by."

 

I missed your post with the original issue, but I had to comment on this one line.  This, to me, is the universal excuse for rude people.  Sorry, being "blunt" is no excuse for being thoughtless and ill-mannered.  No one has to accept ignorant or hurtful remarks just because that's "how you are." 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes it just takes one comment too many to realize it's time to cut someone out of your life.

countrygrl5533

aeh72:

countrygrl5533:

All she had to say back was excuses. She's "known for being a blunt person", it's "saying something is weird is a pretty tame thing to be offended by."

 

I missed your post with the original issue, but I had to comment on this one line.  This, to me, is the universal excuse for rude people.  Sorry, being "blunt" is no excuse for being thoughtless and ill-mannered.  No one has to accept ignorant or hurtful remarks just because that's "how you are." 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes it just takes one comment too many to realize it's time to cut someone out of your life.

Yes, this attitude gets me too.

nunzchucks

aeh72:

countrygrl5533:

All she had to say back was excuses. She's "known for being a blunt person", it's "saying something is weird is a pretty tame thing to be offended by."

 

I missed your post with the original issue, but I had to comment on this one line.  This, to me, is the universal excuse for rude people.  Sorry, being "blunt" is no excuse for being thoughtless and ill-mannered.  No one has to accept ignorant or hurtful remarks just because that's "how you are." 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes it just takes one comment too many to realize it's time to cut someone out of your life.

This is exactly what I was going to say!

Sounds like it will be addition by subtraction, countrygrl.

kristens14

aeh72:

countrygrl5533:

All she had to say back was excuses. She's "known for being a blunt person", it's "saying something is weird is a pretty tame thing to be offended by."

 

I missed your post with the original issue, but I had to comment on this one line.  This, to me, is the universal excuse for rude people.  Sorry, being "blunt" is no excuse for being thoughtless and ill-mannered.  No one has to accept ignorant or hurtful remarks just because that's "how you are." 

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes it just takes one comment too many to realize it's time to cut someone out of your life.

I have a friend who used to say this an awful lot, especially about other people's kids. Then she had her own 2 LOs, followed by some marital problems (that were worked out) and her attitude has done a complete 180. We've become much better friends since she stopped thoughtlessly judging (or being "blunt" about) people and started accepting other people's choices without feeling the need to comment on them.

countrygrl5533

Well, she is now hidden on FB. I didn't full on delete her just because of DH. While I want her out of my life she is still friends with him (unfortunately, but I'm not telling him who he can be friends with). I unfollowed all notifications from that status...but not before someone told me I was stupid and should just delete my FB.

Seriously, all I wanted was a "I still stand by my opinion but I am sorry that it hurt you. That was not my intention." But nope, just excuses. I don't know why I expected more. This person has never once owned up to anything she has ever done.

But, today is a new day and as far as I'm concerned, this person does not exist to me anymore.

countrygrl5533

Excited30:

Countrygrl, I just want to say good on you for taking care of yourself and respecting and loving yourself enough to do what you've done.  After the almost 2 yrs of seeing posts and responses from you on the board I do not get the impression that you are mean spirited.  In fact, quite the opposite.  You seem to be a kind and understanding person, who makes allowances.  If you are saying comments bother you and after having expressed yourself, your dh's friend isn't willing to even acknowledge your feelings, I think you have done the right thing by removing her from FB, or at least your line of site.  It's a tough thing to make a decision on.  These are the kind of decisions though that our daughters will try to imitate as they get older.  They learn from us how to love and respect ourselves and what kind of value we deserve.  It's a hard thing to stand up and say, "Hey, you are not allowed to keep hurting me that way."  Congrats on making a very healthy move!!  Sometimes it's harder than others.  I truly hope that your dh can be supportive in this and not pressure you to have further dealings with this woman.  

Thanks Excited. That means a lot to me.

We live on completely different coasts so thankfully I don't have to see her hardly ever. Unfortunately, when I do see her, she is usually staying here. That stops. DH knows that. He hates being put in the middle (I really wish he would just cut ties and side with me though, kwim?) but will stand by my decision on that and not push it. Plus, by the time she visits again it is a non-issue. We will have another child by then (hopefully) and there just won't be space.

Thankfully, not just distance-wise, they are no longer as close as they used to be. We have grown up and she has not. That bothers him. So maybe in another 5-8 years, she won't be part of our lives at all. One can hope.

countrygrl5533

Excited30:

You're very welcome:)  I am glad to hear that dh is standing by you and won't push you to act all "buddy buddy" with her if/when she's around.  I love how supportive your relationship seems to be.  and yah, I do know what you mean about the wishing ties were cut and he would side with you.   And heck, I'll hope with ya that they continue to grow apart.  Perhaps with you taking yourself out of the equation it'll actually help dh to lose more interest in her immature ways?  I would think it would feel a bit odd having that friend relationship that he couldn't really share with his wife... 

Just got word that the job she applied for in Alaska came through. So she is moving even farther away (was already in Cali). So that will help. She and DH don't chat online as much as they used to. Almost never talk on the phone with the time difference.

He knows he can still share with me when he talks to her, what they talk about, etc. I don't hate her or wish her ill, just don't want to deal with trying to have that relationship anymore. I just really think that in a few more years it will be a Christmas card relationship for them only. That's just life. And I am more than okay with that.