Calling Angry-Table for 1

jakraft837 · January 2013

i will try to keep this short, but im so angry i hope to not ramble. Friend a i grew up with has always been a bit competative with me. when we were kids, it was who had longer, "prettier hair", who had better boyfriend, petty crap. However, always had a great friendship so i just chalked it up to that was her and not to be snotty, maybe her competativeness was from a bit of jealousy.

Fast forward to beign adults. I was in serious relationship and knew he was THE ONE. She was single. She randomly contacted ex and started dating again. several months later, i got engaged. She started openly discussing her getting married and often talked about how she "had to get married before me becuse she is older than me." (9 months). She gets engaged shortly after and openly plans her wedding for following February since mine was planned for Sept. She then asks when we plan on starting a family. I never really clue her in. She later tells me her and her DH started when we got married because she assumed we would be starting soon after married.

She tries for over year with no success. Keep in mind she smokes, drinks and is very obese. meanwhile we are trying, but not saying anything. Year goes by for us and we start treatment with RE. She goes to OBGYN and does 2 rounds of clomid. She calls me to vent its not working, so i decide to open up to her about what we are doing, share the knowledge i have and suggest she see an RE. At this time, im on IUI 3 and about to have Lap for endo. She does initial testing and is DX with PCOS, blocked tube and poor egg reserve. They are all OOP, so she tries IUI. Currently in second cycle of IUI.

Which brings us to today. I never hear from the girl anymore unless she is basically calling to see if i'm pregnant. She randomly texts me today to ask if we are still moving forward with IVF. i say yes, being honest and thinking maybe she has a question since RE stongly encouraged them to do that. She says "oh, just wanted to see where you were with it. I have 3 21mm follies on my good side, so hoping this is it for us. After everything we have been through, I'm so ready to just be pregnant!" i don't respond back. About 3 min later, texts again and says, "ok, well fingers crossed this works for me." Then a third text, "and you too!"

I have always tried to be happy for people expecting or trying. Just cuz i have IF issues, doesn't mean others shouldnt try and be happy while trying or when they get their BFP. But A) she is supposed to be my friend, B)KNOWS everything we have been through and C)is so worried about getting KU before me, she doesn't even care if she is hurtful! I think im done with this friendship. I never wanted to play this competition game, and always just dismissed her comments. But this one just cut too deep. I can't just ignore it anymore. I think what angers me even more is that s*&t always just works out for her. So i fear she really will get KU this cycle, before me. I'm sure you guys understand what i mean by that.

Sorry, rant over!

melkel559 · January 2013

Ugh what a childish, selfish b!tch. I'd be done with the "friendship" too. Doesn't sound like a friend to me. If the competition is "who is a better friend," you win hands-down. Even if that means removing her from your life since she is toxic because you certainly don't need the negative feelings right now. So sorry!

jakraft837 · January 2013

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
***sig warning***
Wow, she sounds like a real winner! Seriously, I don't blame you for wanting to cut such a toxic person out of your life. If I were you, I would definitely cut ties and not look back. People like this don't change - they just find new ways of competing - "Oh, I didn't have any morning sickness," "looks what a great athlete my kid is," "MY kid made the honor roll...did yours?" And really, who needs that?
She also sounds like she's sort of "done" with you too - real friends don't keep in tocuh just to see if they are still "ahead" in the fertility department. And they certainly care about your feelings.
So, yeah, I would say to be done with her. IF is stressful enough. You don't need to feel like someone is "racing" with you.
And, might I add, I commend you for trying to be happy for other people's BFPs. It's certainly not easy to be, when you are dealing with IF. I know I was rarely happy to see others getting pregnant, and not me. Certain close friends, yeah sure. Others, not so much. But I was never outwardly rude - I'd congratulate them and then cry/b**** behind closed doors.
Best of luck to you. I really hope your IVF goes well and you get your baby.

jakraft837 · January 2013

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
***sig warning***
Wow, she sounds like a real winner! Seriously, I don't blame you for wanting to cut such a toxic person out of your life. If I were you, I would definitely cut ties and not look back. People like this don't change - they just find new ways of competing - "Oh, I didn't have any morning sickness," "looks what a great athlete my kid is," "MY kid made the honor roll...did yours?" And really, who needs that?
She also sounds like she's sort of "done" with you too - real friends don't keep in tocuh just to see if they are still "ahead" in the fertility department. And they certainly care about your feelings.
So, yeah, I would say to be done with her. IF is stressful enough. You don't need to feel like someone is "racing" with you.
And, might I add, I commend you for trying to be happy for other people's BFPs. It's certainly not easy to be, when you are dealing with IF. I know I was rarely happy to see others getting pregnant, and not me. Certain close friends, yeah sure. Others, not so much. But I was never outwardly rude - I'd congratulate them and then cry/b**** behind closed doors.
Best of luck to you. I really hope your IVF goes well and you get your baby.

This is exactly what DH said when i told him about the texts. He said he really doesn't want us being KU the same time because that will be the new competition.

PhillyJ33 · January 2013

She sounds really immature. I think it is time to cut ties and I give you a lot of credit for not doing it a lot sooner!

Sorry that she is in your life... and I know its not a competition but I really hope you get your BFP first

kflynn81 · January 2013

Oooh, thats a blood boiler. I had "friends" like that before too...its just better to cut them out now because it'll just keep going!! I had a friend once that was a problem "one upper". If my job sucked, hers sucked worse. If I got dumped, she was dating a cheater and that was worse. So on and so on....the straw that broke that camel's back was when she missed my wedding and claimed she took a nap and overslept!!! WTF. Haven't talked to her since and I'm a lot happier these days!!

asilwhite · January 2013

She sounds incredibly childish, petty and selfish!!! It's not worth it to waste your time on someone like that even if you have been friends for years.

I had to end a friendship recently with a childhood friend because whenever I would see her she would always dig into me and hit below the belt with really stupid, but hurtful comments and no matter how many times I told her to stop and I didn't appreciate it, she kept at it. So I had to end our friendship to keep my sanity. It's not worth it for me to be surrounded with negative people.

You need to focus on yourself right now and surround yourself with people who love and support you no matter what. Not people who are all about "me me me" and are competitive with you over having a baby - that's a new kind of low.

I don't blame you at all for ranting, she sounds like a peach!

katmarso · January 2013

I'm sorry, that's the worst. I had a childhood friend like that too. I had to cut it off too. I realized that if I met her at 29 I wouldn't be friends with her because she says hurtful things.

Since we've stopped talking, she's contacted my mom to ask if I was having IF issues and to announce she's expecting her 2nd son. Confused

Ecarabeo217 · January 2013

What a nasty human being! You don't need this in your life, especially not now. I would have probably cut her off a while ago...IMO you've been way too nice!