MIL Vent

BettyH

Hi ladies...usually I am on the May 2013 board but thought this board would be better since it has to do with my 2 1/2 yr old. So my MIL is not really involved in our lives. More her choice than ours. usually the only time we see her is for special occasions or holiday. So, I got an e-mail from her this morn which was the first communication since Dec 23 (not really complaining about this). She asks in the email if she can borrow a couple of books I have. Never asks about her granddaughter or how the rest of us are doing. Just a one line e-mail. I write her back. We will be seeing her this weekend for my BIL's bday party. She insisted on making dinner. Either sloppy joes or ham barbeque. I asked which she had decided on...she's going with sloppy joes. But never asked if either of her granddaughter (she has two of them) likes this.

Is it just me or do you sort of think that would be important to see if the kids also like what you are having? To my knowledge there aren't any side dishes, just sloppy joes. Do a lot of toddlers like sloppy joes?? Mine has never eaten them. I'm thinking that I need to take something for back up just incase. Am I overreacting?

Reallynervous83

Mine loves sloppy joes (he just eats the meat).  Your MIL is not involved and obviously doesn't want to be.  Her loss.  I would not lend her books (why bother) and just ignore her in generally.  Maybe she'll come around, maybe not.  In the meantime--if stuff like this bothers you, then it's only yourself you are hurting.  I would write her off. 

1026pumpkin

I wouldn't say she's terrible, just sounds kind of hand off, which is really her loss.

As far as the food goes, I think you're overreacting a little (probably because this woman is a pill!). I'm guessing she picked something she thought BIL would like if it's his birthday or something she's good at making.  It's pretty rare that people ask me if DS will eat something before we go over to their house.  I always make a point of packing him some food in a little cooler bag and keeping it in our diaper bag (mini sandwich, yogurt tube, cheese, veggie sticks, etc.) and also keep applesauce pouches, crackers, etc. in our bag. If we get somewhere and there's not much for him to eat, I just bring out what I have.  Not a big deal at all- I think most people assume that parents with small kids will have food for them. 

Sorry she's a PITA, though! 

BettyH

Reallynervous83:

Mine loves sloppy joes (he just eats the meat).  Your MIL is not involved and obviously doesn't want to be.  Her loss.  I would not lend her books (why bother) and just ignore her in generally.  Maybe she'll come around, maybe not.  In the meantime--if stuff like this bothers you, then it's only yourself you are hurting.  I would write her off. 

I keep telling myself that I do need to let it go. Just so frustrating b/c she wanted grand kids so badly then when they came, she could care less. But you are right, thanks!!

BettyH

1026pumpkin:

I'm guessing she picked something she thought BIL would like if it's his birthday or something she's good at making.  It's pretty rare that people ask me if DS will eat something before we go over to their house.

Sorry she's a PITA, though! 

Actually the BIL doesn't even it this meal so that is sorta funny and I do agree that people usually don't ask if DD eats something or not but I figured this being a family event and the grandmother making the meal, she might ask but then again, why am I so surpised that she would bother. Think I get so use to my mom always having stuff in the house that DD eats that doesn't matter what is for dinner b/c I know that DD will eat something there.

thanks!!

Reallynervous83

BettyH:

Reallynervous83:

Mine loves sloppy joes (he just eats the meat).  Your MIL is not involved and obviously doesn't want to be.  Her loss.  I would not lend her books (why bother) and just ignore her in generally.  Maybe she'll come around, maybe not.  In the meantime--if stuff like this bothers you, then it's only yourself you are hurting.  I would write her off. 

I keep telling myself that I do need to let it go. Just so frustrating b/c she wanted grand kids so badly then when they came, she could care less. But you are right, thanks!!

 

Just remember--you're a good mom and you love your child.  I know how hard it can be to let it go (I mean how can a grandparent not love/want to spend time with their grandchild).  Good Luck!! 

lrn327

She's probably just assuming since most kids like them. (In fact, she probably said that out loud to herself when deciding.)  My DS has not had them but I can see him enjoying them.  Like PPs said, she is not really involved and unfortunately that's her loss.  My mom is kind of the same way.  I hate it but it is what it is.

AimeeL85

On the one hand I do think it would be nice for her to ask if they liked them, but on the other hand I might assume a toddler would eat that, so I don't think of it the same way as my MIL who thought my 1 year old was just going to eat steak with everyone and nothing else...

megann831

no one has ever asked me if DD would eat what they're making, and I'd find it kind of odd if someone was making a dish just based on if my child would eat it or not.  If my kids don't like the meal, they don't eat.  Usually there is something they'd eat, like atleast the bun of the sloppy joe.

ASmallWonder

megann831:

no one has ever asked me if DD would eat what they're making, and I'd find it kind of odd if someone was making a dish just based on if my child would eat it or not.  If my kids don't like the meal, they don't eat.  Usually there is something they'd eat, like atleast the bun of the sloppy joe.

This.  Your MIL isn't a doting grandmother and I think you're letting your feelings on that sort of color your feelings on everything she does. My ILs are super involved grandparents and we often stay with them for weekends, etc.  They've never asked if the dinner they were planning was something DS would eat. 

EDWHIP

I just wanted to say that I TOTALLY feel you on the MIL thing.  If you don't expect anything from her, it may help ease your feelings when she doesn't come through.  My MIL has bailed on us last minuted numerous times so we just don't ask them for favors anymore.  When they invite us over for dinner, we always bring a little something Molly can eat and are pleasantly surprised if they actually made something for her (which is never..ha!).  Are your parents really involved?  Mine are.  They go out of their way to help us, which probably makes my ILs not look as good.  In fact, my parents would climb over a million dead bodies to be with my LO.  My in laws, on the other hand, won't even hold LO if she has an inflated diaper or a drippy nose.  Their loss!  Good luck and don't worry about the food thing.