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February 2012 Moms
FFFC
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC
I'm drinking a chocolate protein shake for lunch - it's my emergency I-forgot-my-lunch office food. But I fully intend on stopping at the grocery store and getting something yummy for the drive home. Maybe some fried mozzarella sticks? Decisions, decisions.
Re. the whole changing board thing, I too have noticed that there's not as much back-and-forth. I'm kind of meh on that change. It was fun to read, but I never felt a need to participate; I can't say that I miss it terribly. I do miss how active the board used to be, though. I should do something about it.
I've noticed the board getting slower, too. I think only three people responded about the home births post which surprised me. I hope that things start to pick up on this board.
My confession is that someone posted an article about PCOS months and months ago. The person was so excited about the article and the research and how they wish they had known about this information earlier. My confession? The article was all about my mom's research on PCOS and I was proud, but nervous to respond to it.
Would you mind reposting a link to that article? I have PCOS and am always trying to find good sources of information on it.
And congrats to your mom!!! You should have totally posted!!! That's totally brag-worthy!!!
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
I think it was this article:
https://www.mobimotherhood.org/mm/article-pcos.aspx
But I did a good search and she is in a lot of other articles:
https://hcp.obgyn.net/polycystic-ovary-syndrome/content/article/1760982/1989601
https://www.breastfeed.com/breastfeeding-problems/illness/breastfeeding-pcos
https://www.bestforbabes.org/science-you-can-use-could-taking-metformin-in-pregnancy-increase-breastfeeding-success-of-women-with-pcos
She did this research back when I was in middle school and she's still big into hormone research and how it affects fertility and milk supply (which PCOS falls under). I'm probably the only person who understood PCOS as a middle school student. But when everyone posts about using fenugreek and metformin, it always reminds me of her research.
Starbuck - that story is horrifying. I had a natural birth in a hospital and I can tell you that it's not always like that, but that was my worst nightmare while we were preparing (we also did Bradley).
And if I were that couple, I'd be pursuing legal action. Disgusting.
Starbuck- Good points. I didn't have a written birth plan and was very go with the flow. I was given an episiotomy, but no one said anything about it before hand. I just happened. I didn't have my OB, but another from her practice. I healed fine and haven't really thought about it since. Serious question, Is it silly for me to be irritated all this time later that no one asked or explained what they were doing? I only know it happened because I could hear her cutting my skin.
Re: the back and forth or vibe around here. I think we do this dicussion about every other week. Last time the vibe was off because of FB, now its off because there is no back and forth. I agree that the board has been a little lacking since the holidays, but can anyone pinpoint when things were good around here? Not that they are bad, but everyone seems to long for the "good old days." When were they?
I can only speak for myself, but I don't get into any back and forth because I want to be on friendly terms with everyone. Most of us have been here for almost 2 years. Some of you are really friends. I myself, am worried about irritating the wrong person and somehow having the board turn against me, so I try to keep my posts light and silly.
I guess I have an FFFC. I use the term natural birth, even though I know it irritates some people. Until someone can explain to me how an epidural is natural, though, (or how going med-free is not), I don't really understand the argument against it.
WRT: this whole thing... I'm not sure if you all remember, but we had a Feb mom in this situation after she had her a/s. After watching her struggle, I don't think anyone is equipped to pass any sort of judgment on that situation until you're that parent. It's just so awful for everyone involved, I really think the pro/anti abortion debate here is moot and those parents should be allowed to handle it however they feel is best. ::walking away now before I get more upset::
I can't get into this argument either way, except that it is a terrible and tragic decision for parents; and I think the people who have to live with the decisions should be the ones making them. Both of your arguments are hypothetical. I think what's disgusting about the whole thing is that it's an actual debate. For who? People who are not living the nightmare.
My Colton...Growing up so fast!
And Coralee, his baby sister...On the way!
Ahmmm...I'm coming with you. My stomach hurts thinking about this.
My Colton...Growing up so fast!
And Coralee, his baby sister...On the way!
RNmama:
I don't think Starbuck meant that every mom in that situation should get an abortion. I think she just meant that we should support the parent's decision and that the law shouldn't make the situation any harder than it already is if they chose the abortion route. I remember the mom who chose this route after her a/s and it was heartbreaking just to read. I couldn't even imagine what it was like for that mom.
She wasn't saying that people in that position should choose to terminate the pregnancy. She was saying that she understands if they do, and in her eyes she views it more as a miscarriage then an abortion. She said that she thinks it's awful that not only does this couple have a baby that won't survive, not only did they have to make this awful, heart-wrenching decision, but then in her state they also have to submit to a transvaginal u/s and the technician has to go over every physical detail about the baby. Starbuck thinks that's atrocious, and I 100% agree. I can't even imagine how you think that her opinion that it is atrocious to put those people through even more heartache is a terrible thing to say.
And on a tangent, this is what I mean. People don't read fully or misinterpret or whatever and call others out for no reason whenever heavier topics are discussed. Ridiculous.
Around here, having a "natural birth" means that you delivered vaginally. If you were trying to say that you had a vaginal birth with no medications, you'd say "med-free natural birth".
I think the differing definitions of "natural birth" are just regional/personal, so it doesn't bother me.
212 Facebook Admin.
That being said, I don't think all OBs are the same or should be judged based om this one woman. An OB wasn't my first choice, because of OB generalizations of OBs. I wanted a general practitioner but that wasn't an option with my insurance. So I chose midwife as that was my other option. The night I went into labor my hospital was full, so I went to a different one where OB was my only option. And she was fine, listened to what I wanted, and even let me continue vaginally even though my water had been broken for 30 hours because that's what I wanted.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
She said she thinks it's the kindest route, but not that that's what everyone should do. Her rant was about what they put those moms through. I don't think that anyone who hasn't been through it really has any right to tell those families what to do. No one can debate right or wrong who hasn't been through it.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
But Starbuck, I do think that there are plenty of OBs out there. I think the problem is that so many don't question. You went to the awful one, had a gut feeling that she was awful, and did what you could to get away from her. I hope that other couple reported her and the reality is that if more women made complaints and refused to see her she would be forced out of practice. I went to one local to me, hated her, and chose to drive an hour each way to every appointment (three times a week at the end) to go to my old OB and have good care. We have a responsibility to make sure we get good care.
What I think is awful is that the other OB told you she shouldn't be in practice. I don't have a problem with her voicing that opinion, but if her colleagues feel that way I hope they're reporting her!
RN responded with "Well isn't that a terrible thing to say???". IMO that's not a way to have a discussion about something. Doing what you did - "Jen, I disagree" - is how you have that happen.
I read Starbuck's comment as saying that she thinks it's the kindest thing to do, but she never said that she thinks moms should have to do it. The way I read her post is that it's an awful situation, she stated what she thinks is the best way to handle it, but continued with a rant about the government being involved where there shouldn't be. It's not like she said she would judge moms who didn't choose to abort, the only judging in her post was towards the government.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
Glad to see I'm not nuts.
I can't imagine that anyone would argue with that. But it's not what Starbuck said either.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
I really thought DD was going to be an early walker. She has been cruising for months and months, but has yet to take an independant step. She will stand by herself until she notices she isn't holding on and then she falls. She has only stood a couple times for more than 10 seconds. She totally could do it, but is too timid. She is a crazy crawler and knows she can et around fast like that.
I know she isn't actually behind but here comes the FFFC part:
I will be really sad/frustrated/ a little ashamed, if she is not walking for her birthday. I know it is terrible to judge her on such an arbitrary day, and there is nothing I can do about it. But I am already embarressed when people ask me if she is walking and I can't say yes. I want her to show off her mad walking skills at her party, not sully her nice dress while crawling. Yup, its totally selfish, I know she doesn't care, its just the competive Mommy coming out.
So instead of saying to that mom who went through it "That was probably the kindest thing to do for everyone" it would be better to say what you wrote:
"I think it would be more painful for the baby to get it's head split open when they are performing the "miscarriage like abortion" on it when it has the ability to feel pain already."
Maybe I interpreted everything differently then everyone else, but I read Starbuck's post as a comment on how people in an awful situation who choose to abort are put through even more torture and that sucks. I read RN's response as a post against abortion and that it's not a kind solution for these types of situations.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
Oh my god. I don't see how no one else can think that RN saying what Starbuck said is terrible and refer to splitting open a baby's head is not actually productive debate and discussion.
But whatever, I obviously need to step away.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
Ha! My daughter just started crawling last week, and I'm not ashamed at all! I'm proud she finally did it. Being a competitive mommy is not healthy for anyone imo
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For what it's worth, I think one of the reasons this site has slowed down or there hasn't been as much back and forth is because people seem to fly off the handle at posts much more quickly.
Maybe it's because we all "know" each other better, and there are just some bumpies who get under our skin quicker than others, so we're quicker to read things they say in a different way, but I think it's really difficult to respond to a controversial thread or have a real discussion about something that has a little bit of controversy about it when someone has already escalated it to a whole new level and made it personal.
No one likes to get "yelled at," so if you think your somewhat non-traditional view will get you flamed really hard, you are probably less likely to join in.
I posted that!!!!!!! Your mom is my hero and you can tell her I said that! I was beating myself up over not being able to BF and that article seriously talked me off the ledge.
I knew I liked you!!!!!
So my UO on this topic is this...I wish that our society was less judgmental. Whoever on this thread said it is easy to judge when it's not yoru baby or your body is so right.
I had friends who decided that the kindest thing to do would be to abort. Everything they shared with friends about their baby indicated that the baby was not well - but that they were hopeful. 8 months in that hope ended; there were gross abnormalities that would result in stillbirth or short life (minutes at most, maybe seconds). They decided to terminate the pregnancy.
However, that is not what they told anyone. They said that the doctor had advised them to do this for the mother's health. It's harder to argue with, more difficult to judge, when she is the mother to other children, a wife, might perish if she continued....
But it was not the truth. They decided. I would not have judged their choice. But I am (for some reason) ashamed to say that on some level I judge their untruth. I know I do because we are no longer really friends. They made all of this a HUGE deal and repeated the "risk to her health" thing all the time....it just wore on me when they also admitted it was a choice - when pressed (and no one should ever have pressed them, it was no ones' business but their own). The whole thing leaves me feeling empty and bereft.
Grant can't even sit up in a high chair at a restaurant. Now I know how you feel because I'm embarrassed when people ask his age... but at least she is crawling, growing, thriving. Some of us don't have it quite that good.
I'm sure I signed some blanket statement that protects them from legal action, which I wouldn't pursue anyways. I don't have any lingering effects, but I don't understand why she couldn't take 2 seconds and say, "this is what I'm doing and why." or not even explain why. I put faith in my doctors and trust their judgment and I doubt I would have argued, I was way too exhausted. Whatever, live and learn.