Handling bedtime with one parent

shaunah816

Hi ladies,

My husband is taking a once-per-week evening class for the next month, plus starting to head back out on the occasional overnight business trip. I handled my first bedtime with the boys by myself this week, and to call it an epic fail would be an understatement.

How do you handle bedtime when you're the only parent on deck? I can tandem bottle feed the boys, but since I'm not holding and snuggling them individually they do not settle down enough on the bottle to get drowsy. Our bedtime routine is short, typically diaper change, swaddle, bottle in our arms, they get drowsy/fall asleep, pacifier for Andrew (none for Will), then take upstairs to the nursery once they're sufficiently conked out.

I tried doing it one at a time, feeding Will while Andrew played on the activity mat, but Will wasn't quite asleep by the time Andrew got bored and began to fuss, so when I took Will upstairs he woke up within minutes and screamed while I was feeding Andrew. I should expect some crying with one person, I'm thinking, so maybe I just need to toughen up :- Normally bedtime is relaxing and the boys go down easily, but with one person it's kicking my butt!  

LottaLattes

I am solo most nights, and while this might not work after they are fully mobile, but works still for now. I take them both upstairs and one hangs out in his crib while I bathe the other, and then swap. Then I read them a story, put the lights out and feed them in two boppies I have to pump while I am feeding them too. One usually conks out and I flip them over and pat/burp them on the boppies until I am finished pumping. I then put one down one takes a paci in his crib and if he fusses I sit on a stool next to his crib and pat him while I rock the other one to sleep. I have started being able to just put the one guy down without patting lately and I am now working on the other one. I do the same thing for naps, sans bottle, bath, and story and am thinking I might start feeding night bottles downstairs soon as well.

Jen0204

I have fed them both in my arms before.  It's not the most comfortable thing, but I've done where I just snake my arms around each of them so I can hold their bottle with the arm that's holding each one. 

You could also tandem feed them, then hold them both when they're done eating and rock them to sleep.

yinyang124

sing4mysavior:

it can be SO hard with one parent..i feel ya. my husband works some evenings, so i've had my fair share of bedtime meltdowns (included twice when i had to call and have DH LEAVE work to come help!!! yeah...it was THAT bad)...so...don't feel too bad that your 1st time alone wasn't all sparkly with sweet dreams. My strategy, not sure if this will help you....was to feed them together in the nursery with the lights off (we tandem BF, but you could do bottles too), then rock them together in our big comfy chair. I had a swing set up right next to the chair so once they were drowsy/asleep, i could move my better sleeper (dd) to the swing and put ds down in his bed. Then i would move dd again from the swing to her bed. Trying to move them both at once jostled everyone awake too much and dd could handle the 2 moves (she also takes a paci where as ds doesn't) without too much fuss. Like i said, not sure if that helps much or not...but...at least know you're not alone...solo bedtime can really be tricky!

This is almost exactly what I do. We bedshare, so it's a litle different, but same idea. Whoever is more conked out gets put down while I adjust the other. At this age and with our nighttime battles, it's not always smooth sailing. Many nights, I spend hours rocking them, only to have one or both wake up. If it's not going smoothly, put them down, go splash some water on your face and take a deep breath. Babies do sense stress in their mamas. GL, honey. I'm always checking fb if you need to vent about your troubles or want to swap advice!

BDK807

I have only had to do this a few times, but I know it's hard and more stressful for me. This is what I do not sure how helpful it will be. I maintain the normal schedule of bath, pjs, and sleep sacks. Then I tandem feed them downstairs in their bouncers, same as I do during the day. If they aren't asleep when finished with their bottle I will rock both of them. This usually puts them to sleep fairly quick. I then take one at a time upstairs and put down in thier crib.

shaunah816

Great suggestions, everyone! Thank you so much!

jessican08

I was so intimidated when my mom left and I had to handle bedtime on my own at night.

I tandem bottle feed them in their Boppies at 7pm, then DD hangs out in her seat while I get DS in his PJs. Then I put DS in his swing to chill him out (he's the fussier of the two) while I get DD ready. Then I take DD upstairs. I usually sing her a lullaby on the way up. She goes down for bed pretty easily (knock on wood) so once she's in her crib, I go get DS. I sing him a lullaby on the way up too and put him down. I turn on their white noise machine and they're both usually still half awake when I leave and I might have to go back in once or twice for DS if he starts fussing but that's our routine. 

We do a 10pm dream feed too and what I'll do is go get one, put them in their RnP, go get the other and then tandem nurse them. Then I put DD back in the RnP while I put DS down, then come back for DD. 

GL, Hon and hang in there - you can do it!

projectbaby2012

Thanks for posting this. Dh is out of town starting tonight for a week and I'm on my own for the first time 24 / 7 with the boys. I'm so nervous, but I'm sure we'll be OK, we have to be.

macchiatto

I tandem-fed but we put them down drowsy but awake (HSHHC) specifically for that reason; there were too many times I was on my own to put them to bed so I needed a routine I could do on my own. How long do you usually have to hold each one? Could you put one in the swing while you hold the other, to start, and gradually wean them off needing that time?

jessibel00

macchiatto:

I tandem-fed but we put them down drowsy but awake (HSHHC) specifically for that reason; there were too many times I was on my own to put them to bed so I needed a routine I could do on my own. How long do you usually have to hold each one? Could you put one in the swing while you hold the other, to start, and gradually wean them off needing that time?

 

This. No time like the present to teach them to fall asleep without needing to be held. 

mirnb

jessibel00:

macchiatto:

I tandem-fed but we put them down drowsy but awake (HSHHC) specifically for that reason; there were too many times I was on my own to put them to bed so I needed a routine I could do on my own. How long do you usually have to hold each one? Could you put one in the swing while you hold the other, to start, and gradually wean them off needing that time?

 

This. No time like the present to teach them to fall asleep without needing to be held. 

This for me too....My husband worked shifts so I was often alone at bedtime...I did baths one at a time while the other hung out in their crib with mobile for entertainment....then tandem fed in bouncy chairs and then they went in to their beds awake....its amazing how quickly they learn and if they are tired out from the bath and bottle they will go to sleep! Good luck...it becomes second nature!