One twin is a mama's girl - the other one gets no love

huntertwin

Well, not really. But it sometimes feels that way!

One of my twins (9 months) is a total mama's girl, and wants attention from me pretty much all the time. She loves meeting people, is a total ham and charms everyone, and does let other people hold her, but usually only for a short time. She only plays alone or with her sister for short periods of time before she starts "mmm-ing", which is a whiny "mmm" sound she makes until I pick her up (dad won't do). Conversely, she's a really good sleeper and will generally sleep for 11 hours straight.

My other daughter is much more independent and doesn't need me nearly as much. She will happily play alone without attention for much longer. She, however, is a poor sleeper and wakes up several times a night. So basically, one of them needs me during the day, and the other during the night.

But anyway, how harmful is this, long-term? I'm wondering if there will be less of a bond between me and my independent girl, or if I'm creating a monster by catering to mama's girl's constant need for me. Or maybe it doesn't matter at all..?

kiwi443

I have a similar dynamic with my girls - right down to the mama's girl being a better sleeper. I found that I needed to make an effort to give attention to my independent girl, not just when she needed it. Now, it comes naturally, but that was not always the case.

I don't worry so much about giving them equal time, but I want to cultivate closeness with both even if one seems to "need" me less.

There are dynamics with multiples that are more difficult than singletons, and this is a big one. But it comes down to that there is one of you and two of them. You just do the best you can.

erinruns

Give it six months to a year and I can almost guarantee you the dynamic will flip flop.  My good sleeper became my bad sleeper, my mama's girl became my independent one.  

huntertwin

Interesting! Thanks everyone. I'm looking forward to seeing how they change and grow

CarissaA

When my boys were little Max was always crying and very clingy had to be held all the time, Sam was very laid back.  Once they became toddlers, it switched,Max got very independent and Sam had some behavior issues and needed more attention.  

Now it seems to have switched again.  Sam is doing amazing at school and absolutely excelling, while Max needs a little bit of extra help.  

 

Good luck 

dcoughlan

Gosh, I just experienced the same thing this week!  My dominant twin has been super clingy, only will play for a bit, but then starts with the 'mmmm' and has to sit right next to me.  Whereas my other daughter use to be the clingy one and is now happy as can be just hanging out playing and not so clingy!