I swear, I know it's normal, but come on. I will ask a normal question in a happy, mommy voice and get a blatant backward answer. Like "Did you have fun seeing John?" and he will answer "I didn't see John". He will grin, so he thinks he is being funny. I will play along sometimes, but most of the time, I just want to have a conversation with him and it frustrates me.
I will ask him to stop touching something, stop climbing on something, please go put your toy away, please do whatever I'm asking, and he pretends he didn't hear me. So I say it nicely. Direct him to do it. Finally, I yell and he does it. Or he makes me do 1-2-3 magic and get all the way to 3 then he will do it.
Gah. I try to explain things nicely. He doens't take it seriously (because he's 4, I know). I try to direct and he doesn't seem to learn.
I am not a spanker, but I can see why people might think it is effective.
Re: The lack of following directions and lying is driving me crazy
when I start to get frustrated or annoyed w/ DD I just walk away. She is either not in the mood for me/doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't know how to express that or she's trying to engage me in a way that I don't like/don't want to encourage. If she's busy than its fine, if she's just trying to mess w/ me, she doesn't get anywhere and has to speak to me correctly to get me to engage with her (not that any of this works all the time, but you know. ... its my aim)
Yeah, I need to really remember this. I've done the ignoring until he answers in the correct way, but I guess it just gets me down. I already have the mopey, won't talk to anyone, we're all stupid 14 year old stepson to make me feel frustrated...lol.
I've learned I can't pose things as a question, such as "Do you think it's a good idea to do that?" because even innocent questions are me with a YES! and a grin...lol.
At least we're not alone, huh?
I try to give consequences that are somewhat "natural", so if he plays with his food and doesn't listen, his plate goes in the sink. If he doesn't stop playing rough with a toy, it gets taken away. Stuff like that. I think where I fall down is consistency. I need to stop warning so much and do it. I'm not the "if you do that one more time" mom so much, but i feel they are little fires I am running around trying to snuff out. Like if I get them to behave at the table finally, they start making messes in their bedroom while I'm cleaning up, kwim? It's tiring and I get busy and lazy, I will admit. Time to get tougher.
I have tried telling I don't like it when he acts silly when I'm talking with him. I think he's too young to seem to care much. He will act silly during me telling him it bothers me. I think I will ignore him when he does it and tell him I'll talk to him when he can act more seriously.
Yeah, my life too.
"Can I have a ham sandwich and apples for lunch?" Sure. 3 minutes later... "I DONT WANT THIS!". Great.
I remind myself ALL DAY that I am the parent, I have to set the example, I have to teach him, and just to keep calm. Easier said than done.
I also find is effective to talk very very quietly around him. Makes him focus on listening a bit more.
GL!
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My thoughts--for the first part 'I didn't see John'...he will grow out of it. Plus I don't consider it 'lying.' as he has no vested interest in not telling you he saw John. There is so much free association thinking and talking--- and imagination going on with 4 year olds this is probably pretty typical and not worth punishment. Or, while you want to carry on conversation about that-he just may want to talk about something else. While irritating--I don;t find that punishment worthy.
As for the second thing I normally get a 'no' to picking up toys, or instant ignore (my DS will listen but he does not acknowledge that he is hearing me the same way DD will), and if I give it a little space without repeating sometimes he will actually start doing it. So his words and actions have a disconnect. Sometimes I state the request differently, or get down to his level and it works, if not then time out-which is hugely effective in our house as a last resort.
I am a very sarcastic person as is DH. So I took a different approach. There are times (we call them silly times) when I encourage DD to answer inappropriately. We have fun with it, she giggles, and then silly time is over. We limit it to 5-10 minutes at a time only 1-2 times a day. Then when I ask DD a serious question and she responds with a lie and a grin I remind her that it isn't silly time and that I need her to answer seriously. I only give 2 warnings before she is "in trouble" for answering inappropritely and I very rarely have to get to the second one. In fact, if I do it generally means she is a little wound up and then we do some exercise (dancing, jumping jacks, bunny hops, etc) to calm her down. She is REALLY high energy like I am so I am pretty understanding when it comes to abundance of energy causing issues.
Good Luck!