Limiting Presents

skylily

Is it 'ok' to limit how many gifts other people buy your child on birthday's or at Christmas? or other festivities...

If you want more info - some people in our lives have a goal of 10 presents each for every occasion, and that is just on one couple - it does not include anyone else that may be included in events. What are your thoughts?

J+MS

That's a lot. I would be comfortable telling my family not to go overboard. 

Sonadora

No, I don't think it's ok to instruct others on how they want to spend their money.  Graciously accept and then re-gift or donate what you can't use/don't want.

Don't feel obligated to respond in kind, give what your family is comfortable giving.

skylily

ashleysyn2:

I think it's totally fine to tell people to limit gifts.  Let them know that you'll accept X amount of gifts and the rest will be donated.

That is an awesome idea. I know the people in question will get very upset when we tell them this new rule, and I had no idea what I was going to do when they ignored it (which I'm guessing they will do).  

I didn't know if it was ethically ok to tell other people what they can and can't do with their money so to speak. 

EVA116

Sonadora:

No, I don't think it's ok to instruct others on how they want to spend their money.  Graciously accept and then re-gift or donate what you can't use/don't want.

Don't feel obligated to respond in kind, give what your family is comfortable giving.

This.

[Deleted User]

Sonadora:

No, I don't think it's ok to instruct others on how they want to spend their money.  Graciously accept and then re-gift or donate what you can't use/don't want.

Don't feel obligated to respond in kind, give what your family is comfortable giving.

Yup, this. 

If it is always from family, I might mention that it is a lot & then let it drop.  If it is overwhelming LO to open all that, then limit the number of gifts that get opened & tell them why (kindly).  Open the rest later & then re-gift/donate.  Don't feel obligated to overwhelm LO with so much opening - it isn't worth it.  

ASmallWonder

My mother lives to buy absurd amounts of absurd stuff.  Not to sound like an ass but a lot of it is cheap and jokey and not practical/usable.  For Aiden's first Christmas, because we lived in an apartment, we asked the grandparents to be mindful of their gifts and try to keep it to only a couple things because he was only 7 months old.  My mother showed up with trash bags full of shitt.  She later asked where some of it was and I told her I had donated it - things that he couldn't use and we didn't have room to store.  She flipped her ever loving mind.  Too bad.  I tried to be gentle and vague in my "warning" to people that we couldn't take everything they laid eyes on and she ignored me so I did what I had to do.

I do agree with a PP that it's rude to accept stuff that people spent money on and get rid of it if you've given no indication that you needed to limit the gifts. 

RondackHiker

ashleysyn2:

I think it's more disrespectful to accept a gift from someone then turn around and give it away behindnbsp;their back.

Eh, we do this. My mil buys whatever she can find that is super cheap in mass quantities. Like she got DH a plastic belt that is 28 inches long. He has a 32 waist. She buys from odd places, never keeps gift receipts, and cries if he buys the wrong size.

We usually donate things we won't use. We don't tell her and she never asks. I don't think she remembers what she buys us.

klondikebar

elmoali:

My mother lives to buy absurd amounts of absurd stuff.  Not to sound like an ass but a lot of it is cheap and jokey and not practical/usable.  For Aiden's first Christmas, because we lived in an apartment, we asked the grandparents to be mindful of their gifts and try to keep it to only a couple things because he was only 7 months old.  My mother showed up with trash bags full of shitt.  She later asked where some of it was and I told her I had donated it - things that he couldn't use and we didn't have room to store.  She flipped her ever loving mind.  Too bad.  I tried to be gentle and vague in my "warning" to people that we couldn't take everything they laid eyes on and she ignored me so I did what I had to do.

I do agree with a PP that it's rude to accept stuff that people spent money on and get rid of it if you've given no indication that you needed to limit the gifts. 

I think we've discussed this before, but are you my sister? That is my mother. I'm not a fan of telling others how to spend their money, but there's comes a point when it gets obscene and something has to be said. She has gotten better, but buying crap is a compulsion for her.

lrn327

I try and emphasize that C has a lot already, we don't have much space,etc.  I then graciously accept what is given, try to use it, at least for a little while, and then donate.  I don't think a rule limit is appropriate, mainly b/c I tried before and it failed. 

numeria11

I think it depends a bit on the situation as well.  Both DH's parents and my mom, God love them, have zero money sense and always spend more than they can afford.  Not a little bit more, a lot.  So with them yeah I have said we only want x amount spent on her per family or x amount of gifts.  It's helped a little but honestly next year I probably will tell them if you give her over x number of gifts any others will be dontated to charity.  She doesn't need them and maybe it will stop them from driving themselves further into debt. 

 

Disneygeek77

I have thought about it but decided I wasn't comfortable telling people how to spend their money.  If they ask, sure I might say something about having a lot of toys already, but if they don't, I simply smile graciously and donate what I can't use or store it for later. 

I also believe that giving gifts is how some people show love.  What they give might be cheap / useless, but if giving the gift makes them happy and loved, then so be it. 

J&A2008

This year I gave in without comment, hesitation or regret.  I knew the boys wee going to be overloaded with gifts.  We had three Christmas celebrations to attend, and they are the only neice/nephews/grandchildren/greatgrandchildren on one side.  Their little fingers are sore from writing thankyous.  It was actually really great to not stress over the over-indulgence and we also majorly scaled back on what we would normally do for them.  Our families had great joy in giving to them, and I loved letting it be about family, not mom& dad this time.  Santa also only filled their stockings this year.

Gris0630

We are going to set a limit next year for how many my parents can bring for Xmas. They throw so much at my daughter because my mom wants to show she's the better grandparent (she has issues). I even feel she tries to outdo my husband and I. This year they brought my daughter at least 20 packages. RIDICULOUS! A child does not need this much at once, and it totally takes away the other major points of the holiday. MH and I discussed that we will tell my parents they can only bring her a max of 5 gifts next xmas. I will probably do the same for her bday. 

Wufroggy79

sofamonkey:

Sonadora:

No, I don't think it's ok to instruct others on how they want to spend their money.  Graciously accept and then re-gift or donate what you can't use/don't want.

Don't feel obligated to respond in kind, give what your family is comfortable giving.

Yup, this. 

If it is always from family, I might mention that it is a lot & then let it drop.  If it is overwhelming LO to open all that, then limit the number of gifts that get opened & tell them why (kindly).  Open the rest later & then re-gift/donate.  Don't feel obligated to overwhelm LO with so much opening - it isn't worth it.  

This.  Christmas at the in laws was a joke because LO had way too much to open.  She had the attention for about two gifts, and then she wanted to go play.

fancynewbeesly

I don't limit. But we don't have parents that go THAT overboard. Or if they do it is more like things that we want for her anyway--and eventually would buy. 

However, we do rotate opening things up. Many of her Hanukkah/Christmas gifts are still not opened. I think tomorrow I am going to pack some of the away and cycle them throughout the winter.