WWYD? — The Bump
Special Needs

WWYD?

Your child is having a hard time listening to direction, is in the middle of a level 10 meltdown (a rarity, but still occurs). You're in the middle of a Halloween GTG at your church, population 1,000.

You want to just go home and cut your losses, but your mom is insisting/hissy fitting to stay and continue.

Would you tell her that ya'll are packing up and she can stay if she wants with your dad....or...would you allow them (if they offered) to take your little man on into the party events, while you go home?


Asking, ya know...for a friend. ;)
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Re: WWYD?

  • Tantruming child would be taken home, if the Grands offer to stay with the behaving child I would go with it and let that child enjoy the activities (assuming they were/would enjoy the activities) as long as I was comfortable with them as caregivers.
    But I don't think calling it and taking everyone home would be wrong either. 
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  • This is your 5 year old little boy that had the tantrum?

    Did the grandparents offer to take the tantruming child to continue on the Halloween event?

    Ugh, either option of PP's were good. If you went with grandparents continuing on, they will find a small moment where it is hard in our lives of SN parents.
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  • Ditto @auntie. DH has major anxiety about what other people think when DS has a meltdown in public. He would immediately leave. I'm starting come into my own. I wouldn't want him to leave if it is good for him to be there. Otherwise he is going to get a reputation amongst his peers of "DS, the kid who comes for a bit then freaks out and leaves." I'd ask myself- does DS want to be here? Sometimes he just doesn't- like if it's just too much for him. I'd probably take him outside and let him decide what he wants to do. If this process takes more than 15 minutes, I'd leave.

    Having just come from an action-packed weekend of activities with my six year old, I can relate. When did Halloween turn into a week-long event?! OMG at one point I caught DS sitting in a corner just cramming candy in his mouth. We went to three separate events and each one we were the first ones there and the first to leave. But- we went, which was a major score.

    The grandparents opinion makes this all the more stressful for you. If this had happened at their church my Mom would have done the same. She would have been offended that I didn't want to participate. I'm getting much more confident telling her to bug off. I don't even have to say "bug off" anymore, I can just do what I do and let her deal. But it isn't easy.

  • It depends for me. I usually give DS1 time to settle down first before making any decisions. Depending on the activity we might go to the car or outside. After that it would depend on what caused him to have a tantrum. Was the activity not a good fit for him? Or was it something that he would enjoy but he was nervous to go in?

    If I do choose to leave, we always leave when the tantrum is over and he is calm, so he doesn't think he can just get out of an activity by having a tantrum. I would take both boys with me because we don't have family around us to help. However, if I had family with me and they were willing to take DS2 and I was comfortable with the care they provide I would leave him with them so he could enjoy the activity.  



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  • If that happens, we usually take a 15 minute break and let DS1 settle down. He's not much a tantrumer, but it does happen.  If I think he's overwhelmed by the crowd we'll hang back and observe for a bit and allow him to acclimate.  Sometimes just giving him a firm shoulder massage can help, it's very grounding for him.

    And if he couldn't handle it we would leave.

    But, TBH, there are very few things my kids can't handle so personally, if they were freaking out I wouldn't hesitate to leave if above suggestions didn't work.
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  • If I could not settle my kiddo within a reasonable timeframe - 5 - 10 mins maybe, then pack up and go and I'd tell my mother to take her hissy fit and shove it on the way out.  There would be no way I'd leave my child there with grandparents.

    Why would a grandparent want to take a tantrumming child into a party?  Is it because they think they can "do it better" than you?  Or make him behave in a way you can't?

    That is kind of what it sounds like to me, and honestly, that gets under my skin like nothing else. 
    bumpuser511563[Deleted User]
  • Perhaps your mom was trying to give you a break? Is you mom good with your son?
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