Anxieties about baby disappearing — The Bump
3rd Trimester

Anxieties about baby disappearing

Hey ladies,

Id love some feedback if you have the time. im having these crazy anxieties about my growing baby just disappearing. Here's a small background maybe to help understand. I was pregnant last year with a full term beautiful boy, he was born on Christmas Day 2011, 10 days later he fell ill and was called back to heaven in just 16 hours. Needless to say it was very shocking and horrific. After a few months, My husband and I were blessed again with the coming of our new daughter who will be born in 4 weeks.  For the past couple days and on and off during the whole pregnancy, I have been having these terrible dreams of her just disappearing. Like ill wake up and it'll be a normal day, I just won't be pregnant anymore, no explainations. The dreams have become daily paranoid thoughts. I'll look at my belly constantly making sure its not smaller. I take account all her movements to make sure she's still alive. I know it's somewhat normal to have fears and anxieties that baby is okay, right? Anyway, my question is simple, am I over thinking? I know there's no easy way to get over the loss of a child, and I know I'm still broken over our son. Besides being a bit paranoid, It is normal right?

Re: Anxieties about baby disappearing

  • image SailorXO:

    Hey ladies,

    Id love some feedback if you have the time. im having these crazy anxieties about my growing baby just disappearing. Here's a small background maybe to help understand. I was pregnant last year with a full term beautiful boy, he was born on Christmas Day 2011, 10 days later he fell ill and was called back to heaven in just 16 hours. Needless to say it was very shocking and horrific. After a few months, My husband and I were blessed again with the coming of our new daughter who will be born in 4 weeks.  For the past couple days and on and off during the whole pregnancy, I have been having these terrible dreams of her just disappearing. Like ill wake up and it'll be a normal day, I just won't be pregnant anymore, no explainations. The dreams have become daily paranoid thoughts. I'll look at my belly constantly making sure its not smaller. I take account all her movements to make sure she's still alive. I know it's somewhat normal to have fears and anxieties that baby is okay, right? Anyway, my question is simple, am I over thinking? I know there's no easy way to get over the loss of a child, and I know I'm still broken over our son. Besides being a bit paranoid, It is normal right?

     

    Honestly, if you post on the pregnant after a lost board you will probably feel better... and yes it's slightly paranoid but it's totally normal after experiencing a lost like that. We lost our first baby in the beginning of the 2nd tri and though out this whole pregnancy I have had a fear that this LO won't make it either. Try to relax (very hard I know), and try to enjoy the last part of your pg (if that's even possible when we are this big....hehe) and remember that this ISN'T your last baby and hopefully you will make it through. If it all becomes too much you might want to find a dr to talk to who deals with sudden deaths.... GL!

  • First, I am so sorry for the loss of your child.  I cannot imagine what that must be like.  I think it is normal to be somewhat paranoid throughout pregnancy for a number of reasons, but I think your experience is making you even more nervous about the loss of your baby girl.  Have you thought of maybe getting some professional intervention to help you with the grieving process and also to help you more fully enjoy the birth of your little girl?  I'm not sure what you need specifically, but maybe just talking to an objective person will help you with this whole situation.  I wish you the best of luck and will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • image unhdncr21:
    image SailorXO:

    Hey ladies,

    Id love some feedback if you have the time. im having these crazy anxieties about my growing baby just disappearing. Here's a small background maybe to help understand. I was pregnant last year with a full term beautiful boy, he was born on Christmas Day 2011, 10 days later he fell ill and was called back to heaven in just 16 hours. Needless to say it was very shocking and horrific. After a few months, My husband and I were blessed again with the coming of our new daughter who will be born in 4 weeks.  For the past couple days and on and off during the whole pregnancy, I have been having these terrible dreams of her just disappearing. Like ill wake up and it'll be a normal day, I just won't be pregnant anymore, no explainations. The dreams have become daily paranoid thoughts. I'll look at my belly constantly making sure its not smaller. I take account all her movements to make sure she's still alive. I know it's somewhat normal to have fears and anxieties that baby is okay, right? Anyway, my question is simple, am I over thinking? I know there's no easy way to get over the loss of a child, and I know I'm still broken over our son. Besides being a bit paranoid, It is normal right?

     

    Honestly, if you post on the pregnant after a lost board you will probably feel better... and yes it's slightly paranoid but it's totally normal after experiencing a lost like that. We lost our first baby in the beginning of the 2nd tri and though out this whole pregnancy I have had a fear that this LO won't make it either. Try to relax (very hard I know), and try to enjoy the last part of your pg (if that's even possible when we are this big....hehe) and remember that this ISN'T your last baby and hopefully you will make it through. If it all becomes too much you might want to find a dr to talk to who deals with sudden deaths.... GL!

     

    Sorry my pregnant brain didn't finish my thought.... I meant to say that you might find some more comfort talking to the PGAL board because on that forum we have been through a whole range of this and it might bring more comfort in speaking with other mommies who have been through similar experiences. 

  • Okay, I may try that. Thank you ladies!
  • I am so so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. I think your feelings are normal given what you have been through. Maybe talk to your OB, and get a referral to someone who can help you work through your feelings. It hasn't been very long, and you got pregnant shortly after, it might be helpful to have someone help you through the greiving process. I am so sorry, and wish you the best.
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  • Hugs to you. 

    You are brave to share your story. As I read it, I felt intense grief for you and your  family.  I lost a LO too, and I have to pinch myself sometimes to remember that this is a different experience. Doesn't stop me from counting kicks every time i think about it. But I feel better after I do it so I keep on doing it.  I have even wondered if everything is ok when my belly shrinks a bit over night.  And sometimes I wait to get out of bed til I feel baby move. 

     Your experience will be with you always, and your worries may intensify when your baby arrives. Maybe try to build a supportive network-which you may already have. And someone to talk to when you need to let go- I found an amazing psychologist who's also a nurse and a mom. She helps me so much!

      

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  • Absolutely normal, especially given what you've been through.  I have a good friend whose baby passed just days after being born due to a condition he had.  She was out of control (but understandably) paranoid the ENTIRE pregnancy. She couldn't enjoy anything and didn't really want to discuss the baby until she was almost born.  Everything worked out great for her and I'm sure it will for you too.  Just try to relax and remind yourself that you will be fine.  Good luck!
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  • I'm no pro, but considering what happened to your son, I'd say that's probably pretty normal anxiety. I;m sorry for your loss, and I agree with the person who suggested posting on the Pregnant after a Loss board.
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • Thank you for all your love girls. I do feel better now to have read your responses, and I'm gonna take all your suggestions to heart. Just the feeling that someone understands is great. Thank you for this added confidence! I hope a happy and healthy rest of all of our pregnancies.
  • First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you have been through and continue to go through. I would talk to your doctor, and maybe consider seeing a therapist to help you work through emotions and anxiety. However, I do think these thoughts are normal to a point... when DD was first born I checked her 500 times a night to make sure she was still breathing, would wake up in a panic thinking someone took her or something bad happened to her... I think part of it is hormonal, and another part is just adjusting your life to motherhood. GL!
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  • First off, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I can't even begin to imagine how traumatic that was for you and it definitely explains the fears you're having now. Don't feel crazy!

    One thing that might be an option if you have a smart phone is the app babyscope. It lets you plug in headphones to your phone and listen to the baby's heartbeat. I started using it at 24 weeks and with a little effort I can find the heartbeat every time.

    I hope you get some relief from your anxiety!  

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  • I am so sorry this happened to you! Anxieties are totally normal. You are in our thoughts and prayers for a healthy pregnancy and baby.
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  • I have heard amazing things about the Loss board, located just to the left, above Military Families. They will know much more about what you're going through than those reading this post that haven't experienced the loss of a child.

    I am so sorry for the loss of your son, and I pray for nothing but health and happiness for your daughter.

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