Intro and questions about fertility treatments + adoption — The Bump
Adoption

Intro and questions about fertility treatments + adoption

I've been lurking on this board here and there and thought it was about time to post an intro. My history is in my siggy, but bottomline is we are pursuing IVF and DIA at the same time. Because of my age and advanced DOR, it's unlikely that I'd be able to have more than 1 child (if I can have any) and we always wanted a big family so we decided to do both.

We are in NC so if anyone has any experiences (positive or negative) with any of the local agencies or recommendations for agencies in neighboring states, I would appreciate any info you have!

I'm a bit worried because I've heard some agencies do not want applicants to pursue fertility treatments at the same time and some may actually take your name off the waiting list if you become pregnant. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Sorry for the noob questions, I'm still learning! Thank you for all the ladies who contributed to the FAQs, they were very helpful!

**Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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Re: Intro and questions about fertility treatments + adoption

  • Welcome to the board!  I don't personally know the answers to your questions, but I'm sure you'll get some good info from some of the ladies doing DIA.  I wish you the absolute best in both IVF and adoption : )


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  • Yes, there are some agencies that want you to close the door on fertility treatment. For some it's a philosophical thing (focus on one route at a time), for others it's a logistical thing (potential for virtual twinning if you get pg and matched at the same time).

    But like with most things, there's an agency for everyone. not all of them have this requirement, and it's just a matter of finding one that will work with you.

    GL and welcome!

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  • I don't have any information but wanted to say welcome!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC since June 2009
    01/10- Femara
    03/10- Femara
    07/2010- Clomid with injectables and IUI #1
    08/2010- IUI #2
    06/2011- IVF #1 BFP!
    09/2011- Miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks
    11/2011- FET
    01/2012- Start Home Study process
    03/2012- Home Study approved and now waiting on our child to find us!
    07/2012- matched with a BM who is due in October!
    11/10/12- our son is born!
    11/13/12- court grants us custody!
     12/28/12- finalization! Always ours in our hearts, but.now also ours forever

                           

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  • Welcome.  MH and I were/are in the same boat.  We took a break from IF treatments to get the adoption process going with the intention of going back to IF treatments.

    You need to be 100% upfront and honest with any and all agencies you meet with that you are still/will be undergoing IF treatments. 

    The agency we went with was fine with it and know that we are pregnant.  They sent an e-mail a few weeks ago suggesting some things we could do to advertise ourselves at which time I told them we were expecting in July and that while we still want our names on the list, we weren't going to promtoe ourselves at this time.

     

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    TTC since 3/10: IVF #1 BFP: #1 60, #2 128, #3 256, #4 796, #5 1926!
    U/S #2: 2 heartbeats!!!! U/S #4: Vanishing twin around 8=9 weeks
  • I know with our agency you were asked not to pursue IF treatment and adoption at the same time. 

    I'm sure it varies by agency, though.

    <a target="_blank" title="http://wendy-steve-andg3.blogspot.com/" href="http://wendy-steve-andg3.blogspot.com/">Our Adoption Blog</a>
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  • image jalara48:

    Boots!!! Hi Hun! So glad to see you (well, you know what I mean). Hi!!!

    I know every state is different, but for where we are in Canada the province won't allow child placement within a year of a new addition. 

    I completely understand wanting to pursue both. We want to but just needed a break. We still have frozen embryos and we're still considering surrogacy. But for some reason adoption seems to have settled our hearts and feels right so here we are.

    I've missed seeing you every day :)

    Jalara!!! I'm so glad to see a friendly face over here. I hope we both get our rainbow babies soon, one way or another! *HUGS*

    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
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    January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice

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  • You need to do what is right for you. It does not matter what the agencies consider right or wrong.   Instead of spending money on IVF, have you considered the free Known Donor Registry?
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  • image Pinkie78:

    Our agency doesn't care if we pursue fertility treatment but told us if we were to get pregnant (which would be a miracle), that we had to put a hold on our profile.  They won't place a baby in a family with another child under a certain age (I think under 1?).

    You my have to search more, but I think you'll find an agency who will work with you.  Good luck.

  • image miss1180:
    image Pinkie78:

    Our agency doesn't care if we pursue fertility treatment but told us if we were to get pregnant (which would be a miracle), that we had to put a hold on our profile.  They won't place a baby in a family with another child under a certain age (I think under 1?).

    You my have to search more, but I think you'll find an agency who will work with you.  Good luck.

    Sorry for the duplicate posts!!  We did IA, so not sure... but I was gonna say that this is what we found with a lot of agencies we looked at- both DA and IA. There are a few that don't care if you persue fertility treatments while you wait for a match... but if you do get pregnant, they want you to put your file on hold. I guess the just feel like its better for the kids to not have "virtual twinning" and to give your family time to settle into having one child before you add a second one. Like everybody else said, there are TONS of agencies out there, and if you keep looking, I'm sure you'll find one that works for you. Good luck!!

  • Welcome!  I don't have answers to any of your questions.  But I am excited to see another posted from NC!  I believe there are a few other posters from NC who have or hope to adopt, so they might have some specific agency suggestions.  Keep us updated on your progress adoption or IVF!!!
  • Hi, and welcome! It's great to see another NC poster on here. We are currently "advertising" on our own (using parentprofiles) but we met a couple times with the IAC office in Raleigh and had a good impression of them. We will likely go with them if our current path isn't fruitful. I'm not sure of their position on pursuing both, but I'd be happy to talk with you about our experience with them if you're interested -- just PM me. GL!

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