so alone!

candi2912

So I started dealing with depression when I was about 6 months pregnant with lo. She is now 10 months old and I'm still dealing with it. The last few months I have felt so alone and I don't know where else to turn My SO was great while I was pregnant and the months following, but a few months ago he told me that he is unhappy and tired of dealing with and hearing about my problems. So since Sept I have been keeping my depression to my self and hiding my pain. I have had a really hard year! While pregnant they found that I had abnormal cells on my cervix, after the baby they tested them to see if they were cancerous, and luckily they caught them before they became cancer and I had to have part of my cervix removed. While going through that process I lost my aunt to cancer in April, then in August I lost my great grandma, about 2 weeks after that we had to my puppy to sleep. I tried going to therapy while I was pregnant and it didn't help at all. I know that I have not been easy to deal with this past year but its not that I want to feel like this. I don't ever think about killing myself but I don't want to go on anymore, I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. My SO knows I was feeling this way before but since he told me that I just smile and keep all my sadness to my self. I'm exhausted all of the time cuz the only time I can cry to let some of my pain out is at night when everyone is asleep. Some times when I think that I have a few minutes alone I let a few tears fall, and have been caught by my to oldest keeps. So I make them promise to keep it a secret.  I feel so alone and I have no one to turn to. I love him and I know he loves me, but I feel like I lost my best friend. My rock. And I don't know where to go from here. I just needed to vent. And I will keep looking for the brighter days!!

quietlyexpecting

Hang in there!  Maybe you need to talk to someone.  I battled depression during my pregnancy (and while trying for 3 years to get pregnant) but didn't realize it was truly depression.  After the baby came I fought PPD for months before getting help.  I'll never forget asking my husband what was wrong with me and he just looked at me and said "I don't know".  I wanted him to be empathetic but he just didn't get it.  I had days I wanted to just walk out the front door and never come back.  It got better when I found a counselor to talk to.  See if you can find somewhere you can reach out to.  I was breastfeeding and chose not to use medicine but was pretty close to giving up the bf'ing just to feel like I could get myself back.  

 

Keeping you in my prayers!

 

babesbabs

I would definitely try talking to someone. As women we need to voice how we are feeling to sort it out. To make sense of things. Especially if you are depressed. Sometimes I really feel like men don't get the severity of how we feel. But I think they should try with all their might! I hope you get some rest and relief. Keeping you in my prayers!

emnoahmom

Therapy works great for me. That's a lot to deal with. I wish you the best, and I'm sorry that you have been through so much. You sound like a great mom to your lo. Keep that in mind:)

erincraig

please talk to someone and ask for help. I went through a lot after the birth of my daughter too. talk to your OB or call a therapist. I see a therapist & she has helped me work through so much. Put your trust in someone who knows how to help you. Also check out this website https://postpartumstress.com/

 

AprilAngie

You need to talk to someone. If therapy never helped before maybe you didn't have the right therapist