Postpartum Depression
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so alone!
So I started dealing with depression when I was about 6 months pregnant with lo. She is now 10 months old and I'm still dealing with it. The last few months I have felt so alone and I don't know where else to turn 
My SO was great while I was pregnant and the months following, but a few months ago he told me that he is unhappy and tired of dealing with and hearing about my problems. So since Sept I have been keeping my depression to my self and hiding my pain. I have had a really hard year! While pregnant they found that I had abnormal cells on my cervix, after the baby they tested them to see if they were cancerous, and luckily they caught them before they became cancer and I had to have part of my cervix removed. While going through that process I lost my aunt to cancer in April, then in August I lost my great grandma, about 2 weeks after that we had to my puppy to sleep. I tried going to therapy while I was pregnant and it didn't help at all. I know that I have not been easy to deal with this past year but its not that I want to feel like this. I don't ever think about killing myself but I don't want to go on anymore, I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. My SO knows I was feeling this way before but since he told me that I just smile and keep all my sadness to my self. I'm exhausted all of the time cuz the only time I can cry to let some of my pain out is at night when everyone is asleep. Some times when I think that I have a few minutes alone I let a few tears fall, and have been caught by my to oldest keeps. So I make them promise to keep it a secret. I feel so alone and I have no one to turn to. I love him and I know he loves me, but I feel like I lost my best friend. My rock. And I don't know where to go from here. I just needed to vent. And I will keep looking for the brighter days!!
My SO was great while I was pregnant and the months following, but a few months ago he told me that he is unhappy and tired of dealing with and hearing about my problems. So since Sept I have been keeping my depression to my self and hiding my pain. I have had a really hard year! While pregnant they found that I had abnormal cells on my cervix, after the baby they tested them to see if they were cancerous, and luckily they caught them before they became cancer and I had to have part of my cervix removed. While going through that process I lost my aunt to cancer in April, then in August I lost my great grandma, about 2 weeks after that we had to my puppy to sleep. I tried going to therapy while I was pregnant and it didn't help at all. I know that I have not been easy to deal with this past year but its not that I want to feel like this. I don't ever think about killing myself but I don't want to go on anymore, I just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. My SO knows I was feeling this way before but since he told me that I just smile and keep all my sadness to my self. I'm exhausted all of the time cuz the only time I can cry to let some of my pain out is at night when everyone is asleep. Some times when I think that I have a few minutes alone I let a few tears fall, and have been caught by my to oldest keeps. So I make them promise to keep it a secret. I feel so alone and I have no one to turn to. I love him and I know he loves me, but I feel like I lost my best friend. My rock. And I don't know where to go from here. I just needed to vent. And I will keep looking for the brighter days!! This discussion has been closed.
Re: so alone!
Hang in there! Maybe you need to talk to someone. I battled depression during my pregnancy (and while trying for 3 years to get pregnant) but didn't realize it was truly depression. After the baby came I fought PPD for months before getting help. I'll never forget asking my husband what was wrong with me and he just looked at me and said "I don't know". I wanted him to be empathetic but he just didn't get it. I had days I wanted to just walk out the front door and never come back. It got better when I found a counselor to talk to. See if you can find somewhere you can reach out to. I was breastfeeding and chose not to use medicine but was pretty close to giving up the bf'ing just to feel like I could get myself back.
Keeping you in my prayers!
please talk to someone and ask for help. I went through a lot after the birth of my daughter too. talk to your OB or call a therapist. I see a therapist & she has helped me work through so much. Put your trust in someone who knows how to help you. Also check out this website https://postpartumstress.com/