Am I being unreasonable?

kcisthebombdotcom

My DD has speech on Wednesdays at 830am. Every week, the therapist is crazy early--she mostly comes between 8:10-8:20. I'm a SAHM so it's not that big a deal but truthfully it's fairly annoying since I'm trying to get the kids ready at that point.

Today I went to run an errand before speech. I was back by 8:20. On my door there's a note that said sorry I missed you, call me to reschedule. I called three times before the appointment was even scheduled to start. She didn't answer.

I think it's pretty inconsiderate she left before 8:30. Do I have the right to be pissed? Would you say something about her coming before the scheduled time?

preggersINschool25

I can understand your frustration, but if you knew she is early I would have tried to be back from my errand before her usual time. If the timing is an issue I think it needed to be addressed before that problem occured. Her not answering her phone is pretty crappy of her.

CaptainSerious

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.  The appointment is not until 8:30, it has only been as a courtesy that you may have been allowing therapy to start whenever she arrives.  I wonder if she thought that the appointments were scheduled for 8:15?  Still, she should have hung around a few minutes if you weren't there or tried to call you.

I'd be quite irritated, too, and clarify not only the appointment time, but procedures to follow if for any reason either of you will miss an appointment. For example, I might say, "If I can't be here, I'll call you.  If I don't call and am not here, it's because I expect to be back on time.    I will always make every effort to be here on time, but sometimes delays are unavoidable, as you know.  Please don't leave for at least 10 minutes after the appointment is scheduled to start, so 8:40.  I would also appreciate a call from you if you can't make it, so I don't stay home waiting for you if you aren't coming."  I might even be tempted to ask her what time she has, so I could see if her watch was set to the wrong time.

Assembly_Reqd

I would be annoyed, but I can see how she could now feel the appointment is "scheduled" for 8:15....However, where T.F. else does she have to be at that time? I suppose she felt she needed to be ridiculously early for her next appointment.....

KYmama9286

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all- even if you knew she comes early the appointment time was still scheduled for 8:30. It's her choice and prerogative to show up early but she should not expect you to be ready to begin until 8:30. Sure, if she is there early and you are ready then it can start early but I feel like that is more of a "no-show" on HER part since she basically showed up and left before the appointment even started. Our therapy stuff is always in the morning also and our therapists occasionally show up early but usually they just sit in the living room and chat with me while I continue with our morning routine (getting both kids breakfast finished, therapy space picked up, etc.) I have the hour set aside in our schedule for therapy not the hour before and hour after in case therapist decides to change her schedule last minute.

I would definitely  address this at the next appointment. If she consistently wants to start early than it needs to be agreed upon by both parties that you will change the appointment time to 8:15. I also agree w/ pp that you should have some agreed upon "grace period". I think this can benefit both parties. With our therapists we have agreed to give 10 minutes- if for some reason we are out running errands and get caught in traffic our therapists have agreed to wait 10 mins (as long as there is no conflict after DS's appt) and I give them the same grace- if they are running late from a previous appointment I promise to give at least 10 minutes before assuming the session is cancelled for the day. Usually its not an issue b/c I can reach them (or them me) via text or phone call for a heads up but in cases where we cant that is what we go by. 

birdie_1010

skyllingstadl:

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all- even if you knew she comes early the appointment time was still scheduled for 8:30. It's her choice and prerogative to show up early but she should not expect you to be ready to begin until 8:30. Sure, if she is there early and you are ready then it can start early but I feel like that is more of a "no-show" on HER part since she basically showed up and left before the appointment even started. Our therapy stuff is always in the morning also and our therapists occasionally show up early but usually they just sit in the living room and chat with me while I continue with our morning routine (getting both kids breakfast finished, therapy space picked up, etc.) I have the hour set aside in our schedule for therapy not the hour before and hour after in case therapist decides to change her schedule last minute.

I would definitely  address this at the next appointment. If she consistently wants to start early than it needs to be agreed upon by both parties that you will change the appointment time to 8:15. I also agree w/ pp that you should have some agreed upon "grace period". I think this can benefit both parties. With our therapists we have agreed to give 10 minutes- if for some reason we are out running errands and get caught in traffic our therapists have agreed to wait 10 mins (as long as there is no conflict after DS's appt) and I give them the same grace- if they are running late from a previous appointment I promise to give at least 10 minutes before assuming the session is cancelled for the day. Usually its not an issue b/c I can reach them (or them me) via text or phone call for a heads up but in cases where we cant that is what we go by. 

I agree with this, and we always followed a similar practice when we had therapists in our home.  I would also use this as an opportunity to determine again the the time of your appointment, so that everyone is on the same page.

MaxandRuby

I think you aren't necessarily being unreasonable but I would start this conversation clarifying what time the appointment is supposed to start (8:15 or 8:30). Play dumb if you have to. If she thinks the appointment starts at 8:15am, tell her your schedule shows 8:30am but you're happy to change it (if you are). If it IS 8:30am, then tell her in the future she is to wait until 8:35am before leaving your place. It was nice of her to leave a note; however, she should have called you to see where you were at and how long it would take you to get home. That is her bad. If you don't set up some boundaries and guidelines at this point, it will be your bad. I'd chalk this up to a possible miscommunication regarding start time and move past it. I'd still be annoyed as hell though that she didn't call and that she didn't wait. And if I was in a particularly bad mood that day, I would call the service coordinator to explain what had happened.

BTW, if she is coming earlier then you prefer you can either ask her to come closer to the appt time or simply tell her that she is welcome to come early like she is and that she can sit in the living room while you finish up whatever you need to and that you'll be with her as close to 8:30am as possible.

malcivar

Before he had therapy at his ABA center, he had home based therapy and his ST did this ALL THE TIME.  It was really annoying and ultimately resulted in us switching all services to the center based therapist because she'd show up before Chris even got home from the center.  So it didn't allow for Chris to come home and eat something before starting - which led to him becoming frustrated and ultimately the sessions were a failure.  

We tried telling her that she originally agreed to one time and that we really needed to stick to that because his not being able to have lunch before the session was why they were going so badly.  She came at the agreed time a couple of times then she reverted to being super early.

We then had to ask that all services be switched to the center.  We felt we had tried to make it work but she wasn't working with us.  That and the fact that when we'd make her wait while we gave him a snack she'd do a short session.  My feeling on that was that it wasn't my fault and I tried to make it work.  

So no, I don't think you're being unreasonable. 

meldoo2002

As a therapist I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I tell families to give me 15 min. in either direction... early or late.  I know that time frame sucks, but I drive from house to house all day often seeing 6 children and my appointments can be 15 miles apart.  Obviously I try not for that to happen, but it does.  Now 8:30 is an early appt. to begin with... I don't think she should be showing up early for that... and if she is, but you are not home she should absolutely wait until 8:30.... we are required 15 min. past appointment time so even 8:45 before she goes to her next appt.  

macchiatto

I'd be annoyed, too. One of my son's therapists is based at a school that is 7 minutes from our house (and she was always coming from school, not another house) and yet she had a habit of showing up 10--20 minutes early all the time. It was frustrating because as it was, we only had about 20 minutes from the time we got home from preschool until she was scheduled to arrive, and during that time I had to have the boys take off shoes and jackets, go potty, I had to throw lunch together and have them eat it, so her coming early totally threw things off! I mentioned it several times in a nice way and over time she's gradually gotten better and is showing up more right on time. I would definitely start a conversation with the ST about what time therapy starts and if 8:15 is too early for you guys I think it's OK to say so.

kcisthebombdotcom

meldoo2002:

As a therapist I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  I tell families to give me 15 min. in either direction... early or late.  I know that time frame sucks, but I drive from house to house all day often seeing 6 children and my appointments can be 15 miles apart.  Obviously I try not for that to happen, but it does.  Now 8:30 is an early appt. to begin with... I don't think she should be showing up early for that... and if she is, but you are not home she should absolutely wait until 8:30.... we are required 15 min. past appointment time so even 8:45 before she goes to her next appt.  

See, now that doesn't bother me. My son's speech therapy is at 1:30 so I'm smack middle in the day so I'm more understanding/less concerned about the time than I am first thing in the morning. My son's therapist is almost always running late or 10 minutes early and that really doesn't irritate me since it make sense/is less inconvenient.

I did speak to her about it and she thought we had booked 8 instead of 830--we booked out appointments for 2 months out. So it makes me even more annoyed that she was 10-20 minutes late when I was the first appointment of the day...

hopanka

When we were in the midst of in home ABA therapy a couple of years ago and it was like 3 to 4 therapists in my tiny apt every.single.day, I learned that any slightest annoyance had to be addressed immediately..be it coming in early/late, walking around in shoes on my carpet..whathaveyou. Otherwise, it would have become insane. This is a lesson for you that ground rules have got to be established because people, in general, including therapists will slowly push their own agenda, unless you stop them. In her case, for whatever reason, its convenient for her to start at 8, instead of 8:30, so she is gonna silently push it, unless you address it with her. It could be innocent, as in she really thought you guys established 8am, or due to traffic or whatever, this is working out for her better, but shes just waiting, if you say anything. People are interesting. I was eventually able to put together a team that was fantastic, and everyone knew the rules of the game and respected each other and my home. At first, it can be hairy, though.