Daycare Center and Timeouts ? — The Bump
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Daycare Center and Timeouts ?

So, recently my almost 2 year old has decided to see what he can get by with both at home and daycare.  He's a toy throwing, hitting, yelling mess. :)  At home, we put him in time out in a chair in our living room for two minutes (just started the 2 minutes instead of 1 min, he'll be two in two weeks.)  Usually that ends the behavior pretty quickly.  In fact, sometimes we just tell him if he does xyz thing again, time out it is, and that ends it. 

I walk into daycare to pick him up the other day and his teacher is ducking toys that he's pelting in her direction!!  Ack!  They said he'd hit other kids that day too.  Now, I have no idea why I'd never asked before, probably because he'd never done anything "bad" before (he's usually a pretty mellow little kid at daycare), but I had no idea what their time out policy was.  I had just assumed they did time outs.  Apparently, due to DHS regulations, they are not allowed to put kids in time out or even use the word "no" until they are three years old!!  So, they are just ducking flying toys and "redirecting" him, which I can tell you won't work with Mr. Independent.  Since it's a state regulation, it's not like changing centers. or even home based care, would change that policy.

Is this a similar policy across all states/regions?  Can your daycare put kids under the age of 3 in timeout?   Do you personally put your 2 year old in time out? 

 

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Re: Daycare Center and Timeouts ?

  • I saw your other post on our BMB. We don't do DC, but we do timeouts (we also do 2 minutes). Can you ask the DC to give your son timeouts. I know its state policy but if you say they are allowed to, would they? 

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  • They don't exactly call it time out but they put them in the quiet chair if redirecting doesn't work. I've never heard of any regulations saying you can't say "no" That seems a little extreme especially when dealing with 2 year olds. I would sit down and talk to your DCP to figure out a good way to deal with these behaviors. Consistency is such a huge thing at this age. I know if I give in or do give a time out for something I usually do that DS2 will run with it. Then I'm starting back at ground zero again. 

    And yes both my big boys go to time out. DS1 didn't really start going until he was almost 2 but DS2 has been getting time outs since he was about17 months old. He's my little crazy one and hit 2  year old behavior well before he was actually 2. He's actually gotten better and my 3 year old is one that goes to time out more at this moment in time.  

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  • I've never done timeouts w/ DS.  It's just not a tool that I feel would have worked for him.  So, no, it's not a given that "everyone" does timeouts.

     That being said, I would talk to the teacher in more detail about what exactly they do/ plan to do to curb the behavior.  There comes a point where I feel "redirecting" doesn't always work.  I think it's ridiculous they can't say "no" until age 3.  But I think that's also a product of the trend to coddle kids. 

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  • I also think you should meet and talk with the teacher and come up with a plan on how to handle this. I feel like both of you should be doing the same type of discipline.

    I think each kid is different too. Timeouts work for some and redirecting works for others. My son does well with just being redirected (not to say we haven't used time out too) But, when I say he is being redirected, I (or the teacher) remove him from the area in which he was misbehaving (ie where all the fun toys are), I sit him on the counter in the boring kitchen and firmly tell him we do not throw toys. It's dangerous and you can hurt your mommy and daddy, friends, puppy, etc. Are you going to throw toys again? He'll usually tell me no, he is usually sad and says he's sorry and we go back to playing. So in a way, it is a form of "time out" because he's being removed from the area. Of course, my guy is almost three, so maybe this won't work on a two year old, but I just thought I would throw this out there. Maybe your teachers will agree?

    GL! Being a mom of a boy is definitely trying at times! Wink

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  • I don't think our center calls them time-outs, but they sometimes have the kids sit at the table to cool down for a few minutes, so it's essentially a time-out. I would talk to the teacher about whether something like that might work. They can't use the word "no"? How could that even be enforced? That seems like a very strange rule!
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  • image EastCoastBride:

    I've never done timeouts w/ DS.  It's just not a tool that I feel would have worked for him.  So, no, it's not a given that "everyone" does timeouts.

     That being said, I would talk to the teacher in more detail about what exactly they do/ plan to do to curb the behavior.  There comes a point where I feel "redirecting" doesn't always work.  I think it's ridiculous they can't say "no" until age 3.  But I think that's also a product of the trend to coddle kids. 

    This.  Timeouts is not part of our discipline program either.

    Daycare does not use timeouts either.

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  • Our daycare doesn't do time outs and we've never really used them at home either.

    When DD was in the 2s room, they redirected them, in the 3s and now 4s they do a "sort of" time out, but realy its a redirection/removal.

    If they are not playing nicely/not listening, etc. they are removed from teh situation.  they either have to play in another area (as directed by the teacher) or they have to sit with the teacher for a few minutes.  Then after a few minutes, they will ask if they want to go back to whatevr they were doing - but they never use the words "time out."  They emphasize making good choices and rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior.

     

     

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  • Our center definitely uses "positive redirection" so stuff like "stop!" rather than "no," you get the idea.  They don't call it time out but they lead the toddlers and 2 year olds over to "the pillow" a safe area where they can calm down, tantrum, blow off steam, etc.  At home we've started putting our 18 month old in time out for a minute.  He never stays there, but we always use the same spot and he gets that he's in trouble.  (Plus it makes my 5 year old less likely to think little bro isn't being disciplined for hitting her, etc.) 
  • OP - I do think its a little lame that your DCP is letting a 2 yo throw cars at her as though that's acceptable behavior.  Even if they don't do time out, there's no reason she can't confisicate the toys from him since he's not playing nicely.

    I would be annoyed that the daycare was allowing the kind of blatant reckless behavior. 

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  • Yes, it's a big no-no for them to put kids in timeout. Redirection is the law of the land.
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  • DS1 is about to turn 2.  I'm pretty sure our DCP uses "stop" instead of "no" because DS1 loves to say stop.  He also shhh's people so we're guessing that's another DCP thing.  Our DCP doesn't do timeouts they do re-direct which works most of the time with DS1.  We tried timeouts at home for awhile and they stopped working so we had to find new things to do.  Now we make him "punish" himself.  If he throws a toy he has to pick it up and put it in the toy box and he can't play with it the rest of the day/night.  He will obey and put it in the toy box and then he sits down and throws a fit for a second about losing his toy (we ignore him while he does this or re-iterate that he shouldn't have thrown the toy and he wouldn't have lost it) and then he moves on to something else.  We have for the most part curbed the throwing toys issue with this tactic.  I agree with PP that even if they don't use no or timeouts that your DCP needs to put a stop to him throwing things at her.  I would be removing every toy from him as he does it.  You'd be amazed how fast they catch on when their entire playroom disappears.  I wish you all the luck! 
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  • image KathrynMD:

    OP - I do think its a little lame that your DCP is letting a 2 yo throw cars at her as though that's acceptable behavior.  Even if they don't do time out, there's no reason she can't confisicate the toys from him since he's not playing nicely.

    I would be annoyed that the daycare was allowing the kind of blatant reckless behavior. 

    This.  Yes, let my kid be an a-hole at daycare all dayso that I can work that much harder to correct the behavior at home.

    Our daycares can't do "time-outs" like we do at home, but they have a "quiet chair" that the child sits in next to the teacher, and they talk about the behavior and what they can do differently. 

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  • I work at a center and our DCFS policy is 2.  Ocassionally if there is a major issue and the child is almost 2 we give them a "cool down time," "rest time" or whatever you want to call it.  Basically its a time out called something different :)  I also know that Dr notes trump DCFS here so we would be able to get a Dr note saying "Child XYZ understands and benefits from recieving a time out, please use a time out when neccessary and redirection is not working" and we would be able to put the child in time out.  See if your daycare would be willing to do one of the above?

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  • Our daycare doesn't do timeouts, but they remove whatever it is that the child is misbehaving with and one of the teachers will take the child aside to a quiet area of the room away from the other kids and talk with them until the child calms down.
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  • Ours doesnt technically do them either but I think our current teachers will if the parents tell her they'd like her to..

    But I have to be honest, is there really a difference between a 'time out' and having a kid sit in a quiet chair or quiet area or be removed from the situation other than semantics? Seriously.  That's what a time out usually is- removal from the situation to calm down or stop doing whatever the behavior is.

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