Talk to me about discipline at this age.

nicki731

I think this might have been discussed a while back but I just wanted to hear some input on disciplining our LOs at this age. MH and I are currently arguing about it all the time because he constantly yells "NOOO!" or something similar at Gavin when he does something wrong, usually in a pretty angry tone. I keep telling MH I don't want him doing that and he says he wants to be "forceful" to get the message across. I feel like yes G knows right and wrong to some extent, but he's still learning and figuring things out and I don't want him to be yelled at all the time. I try to tell him "No we don't do ___" or redirect him to something else. I also try to reinforce the positive behaviors. Does anybody else have any different ideas or strategies? Things I can tell MH about why "yelling" doesn't work?

FWIW I also want to read Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. I didn't get to it yet, but it seems more directed at 2-6 years old. I came from a family that did a lot of yelling and I grew up timid with really crappy self esteem so I want to find a better way for G. Any tips, advice, or other book recs welcome!

cantalopes24

I don't really yell, I just say things firmly. I also try to say what they should be doing vs not doing. For instance if she's pulling stuff off the coffee table I would say "Oh, no no Lola, no touch. Your toys are over here lets go get them." I also explain things even though I know she doesn't get it but they understand more than we think and how else are they eventually going to figure it out. I also try to put it into simple terms and emotions like "Oh, that's Daddys phone, he would be so sad if you broke it! Why don't we sit down and watch Elmo on it instead of hitting the wall with it" I don't think saying things louder gets the point across, it really just makes them tune you out.

Scramblersmom

I do not have any advice to offer as we are trying to navigate this too but I can give examples of what we do. Both DH and I feel like DS needs to be taught early what is OK and what isn't but we are usually selective about what constitutes a really mean and loud NO versus a re-direction.

For example...

DS will come into the bathroom and start pulling all of my makeup out of the drawer and play with it. In this case he will just get a redirect such as "it is time to put Mommy's makeup away now".

If he is about to tip over his plate (or does tip it over) we say "No, we don't tip over our plate. That is not OK".

If he is doing something that could result in injury such as trying to go out the dog door, going after our old grumpy dog, or biting Mommy (his most recent favorite thing yet again), he gets a "NOOOOOO!!!! NOOOO BITING!" and he  usually ends up crying.

aliciaroset

I believe in positive parenting. not just from a theoretical standpoint but because I see the NO NO NO yelling stuff just doesn't work.  

Elsa1984

With Gator we say "No" and redirect her by giving her something she CAN play with. If its something dangerous, we say "ouch!" And move her from whatever she is touching. I feel like if we use long sentences she has no idea what we are saying at this age but if we use one word, she will start to recognize that one word and know it as something that will hurt her or is not hers to touch. As she gets a little older we will start saying WHY she can't touch it. We did not baby proof our house but she is starting to figure out what she cannot get into and we are saying "no" and "ouch" less and less.

mamaZbo

I say "No" pretty loudly and then if she continues I say no and move her away from whatever she is doing. I know she knows when she is doing something she shouldn't because she gives me a sheepish grin and then slowly goes back to doing what she isn't supposed to do while watching me to see if I notice. For example, yesterday she was taking shoes off the shoe rack and brought one to her mouth (ewww). I said "no" firmly and she put the shoe down, scooted behind the couch and grabbed the shoe and brought it back up to her mouth while peering at me around the edge. I said "no" again and got up to get her. She dropped the shoe and went off to do something else.

Rolamarie

Every kid is different.

My DS is very sensitive, even a stern (not loud) "no" will make him cry. We save that for dangerous or important things. Otherwise, distraction and a gentle explanation does the trick.

My daughter, however, was constantly pushing the limits and she always needed firmer discipline. (a loud, startling "no" and constant positive reinforcement) to stay on-track.

pennysuedog

To me the yelled "NO" should be reserved for times when it is very important to get the point across swiftly...such as running into a street, toiching something hot (something urgent) If someone is always yelling why would they listen when you talk. KWIM.

MrsTBird

pennysuedog:

To me the yelled "NO" should be reserved for times when it is very important to get the point across swiftly...such as running into a street, toiching something hot (something urgent) If someone is always yelling why would they listen when you talk. KWIM.

ITA with this. We rarely yell at our house and the times we do it's when he could get hurt. I say "No thank you" and "That's not for Rhys" a lot and as calmly as I can. Then I redirect. It took a little time for him to get it because he's pretty stubborn. But now I don't even have to redirect every time. You just have to be calm and consistent.

lkm2006

We say no but I don't yell it. There have been a few times I've yelled it by accident when he startled me, like the first time I saw him standing on the fireplace i freaked. That just scared him which isn't the route I'm wanting to go.

He's also a child that is going to be into everything, not because he's bad.. He's just very curious. I would be saying no all day long so I have definitely learned to pick my battles. FTW, we use re direction with no. I'm on the mobile so no quotes but, no, we don't stand dumb out plate over.. We eat the food.. Then get him back on track for eating.

PurpleDrewbie5

I don't ever yell. The only things yelling does is show the child you are not in control of your emotions and/or scare them initially. I will use a firm voice to correct. "No. We don't hit." At this age it needs to be short and not too wordy. Kids don't need long lengthy explanations, they just need to know that what they're doing is not acceptable.

I don't use "No" a lot. Mostly just if she grabs my glasses roughly or jerks my necklace or hits me. None of these things happen very often and I usually only use no if she does it out of frustration. For example she wants my phone, I tell her "not for Natalie" and she bops my face.  

Usually if she's going for or trying to touch something she's not supposed to touch I will say "not for Natalie" and she'll look at me, look at the object and shake her head no. I think this works better than just saying "no." When I first started doing this I had to redirect her attention to something else but now she pretty much redirects herself. She knows she's not supposed to touch xyz so she goes for abc instead.

For tantrums, which are also rare, I try to stay very calm. For instance she used to get really mad when I took away her toothbrush. She would cry and throw herself on the ground.  I would squat down next to her and say something like "I know you're upset but it's time to move on. Let's go find a toy" and then walk away. She would dry it up within a few seconds and toddle out of the bathroom after me.  

I think when we're talking discipline with toddlers and really any age it's important to try to see if there is something that is causing the naughty behavior. Are they hungry? Overly tired? Bored? Trying to communicate something? Rarely, at least for my kid, is she naughty just to be naughty. There is usually an underlying cause and if that can be addressed good behavior resumes.

cantalopes24

PurpleDrewbie5:

 

I think when we're talking discipline with toddlers and really any age it's important to try to see if there is something that is causing the naughty behavior. Are they hungry? Overly tired? Bored? Trying to communicate something? Rarely, at least for my kid, is she naughty just to be naughty. There is usually an underlying cause and if that can be addressed good behavior resumes.

I agree. For my oldest misbehavior is 99% of the time because he is hungry or tired and if he eats something or rests for a few minutes he's fine. The other 1% of the time it's him being curious and while the specific thing isn't something I necessarily approve it's usually developmentally typical or a misunderstanding.