Just wanted to give a quick update -
On Thursday I called Birth to 3 again about M's evaluation, to make sure her eating would be evaluated. The woman who answered the phone was so nice and comforting - it seems like it is going to be a wonderful service to work with. On Friday, I just happened to not have a patient and was by my phone when the woman called me to say she spoke to her director and they want to move M's evaluation from Dec 13 to Nov 30. I am so relieved - we leave for Disney Dec 1 so it will be a load off my shoulders to know she has been checked out before we go. Not that an evaluation is going to make everything all better - but at least we may have some answers and I can stop worrying.
On the eating end of things - my dad watched all 3 kids yesterday while we were working. He offered M sloppy joes, and she instantly started with, "I don't like it!" She wouldn't even touch it. Then my dad got the brilliant idea to tell her, "Well why don't you lick it?" (sidenote - she loves to pretend she's a kitty or a doggy) She licked it, and the next thing he knew she was eating it up!
Such a simple thing, why didn't I think of that?! I still think there may be an issue swallowing and that is why she's so hesitant to try new things. But I am just going to try my hardest to make sure the things we feed her are very flavorful. That way if we can convince her to lick it, she may decide to try to chew it.
I know this isn't directly "adoption" related, so I hope you don't mind me posting it here. You ladies have been so supportive, and I am hoping hearing about our issues may help someone else who is taking in a toddler/older child.
Re: M's eating issues
I think it's great that you're posting about M, I think it's nice to hear about kids and parenting experiences once a child is in the family. Plus there might be someone on here that's faced the same thing.
I'm so glad that your appointment got moved up, that will be a huge relief. Have fun in Disney, I'm totally jealous of you guys
My boys both went through stages after coming home where they became very picky eaters. For M, it was kicked off by his surgery, after which he had really bad stomach pains for the first couple of days. He became afraid to eat (only taking broth for a few days), and we gave him a lot of leeway in choosing what, if anything, he would try. After a couple of weeks, we tried to reintroduce a more normal diet, he resisted us all the way.
For J, it was as plain and simple as realizing that we always had plenty of food in the house, so if he chose not to eat something, there would always be something better instead or later.
Honestly, I think it was one of the few things they felt they could control in a time when everything in their lives had so drastically been changed on them. There was no familiarity, no comfort foods, no smells that reminded them of home. There were new parents, new rules, new routines, and new consequences for poor behavior. They figured out pretty quickly that we would not force them to eat, so that is how they decided to make their stand.
We offered them choices when we could before preparing a meal, but once a meal was served, it was the only option we would allow. We never forced them to eat, but if they chose not to eat and were hungry shortly after a mealtime, they were reserved the meal they refused. There were no snacks offered until the protein and vegetable part of the meal was eaten. We never pushed the carbohydrate portion of the meal; as long as protein and dairy/fruit/vegetables were eaten, we were happy. The boys learned that when they made a choice (before the meal was prepared), we were happy to oblige, but we expected them to follow-through and eat what we prepared. Anytime there was a new food that wasn't the main protein/dairy/vegetable, we let them just try it as long as they ate the main part of the meal. For the most part, we fed them what we were eating, unless there was something we knew they really didn't like, in which case, we would make them something different and serve them at the same time as we ate.
All these things together got them to a point that they now are pretty good eaters. I once heard that most people have to try a new food at least three times before they develop a taste for it, and it seems true with the boys, so I always ask them to try at least one bite of foods on the table unless I know it's something they really hate. Now the only thing they give me a hard time about is vegetables, and they do eat them, just protest a bit.
What I'm trying to get at is that, if you haven't been told that M has a medical issue affecting her eating choices, it's very possible that this is related to how she feels about being in her new home with you. Becoming picky and refusing food is not uncommon in kids in such new situations, as it's one of the only things they can control in their lives. Even if they are making themselves miserable and hungry by their choices, they feel comforted to know that they have power over something in their seemingly out-of-control lives.