MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)

hkdecoteau

My husband and I had the same discussion. Talk to your doctor about this. Usually they have rules about how many people can be in the delivery room, and let him/her know how you feel. The doctor may take it out of your hands and choose who is allowed. I personally don't understand how FIL thinks he can be in there if you own dad won't be. My dad won't be in my delivery room, and he does not want to be!

SLaBM2B

RedheadBaker:

This thread is 5 months old and still going . . . I think this is a record. 

RIGHT? WTF? I started reading it and noticed that one girl was 62 weeks pregnant.. LOL. Thankfully I caught it before I got down to page 2

sdvora1

RedheadBaker:

This thread is 5 months old and still going . . . I think this is a record. 

 

Still all valid.  I'm curious about this issue, because my husband and I went from agreeing that we wouldn't have anyone visit us for a month after the baby was born (so, visitors OK in late September), to him telling me that his parents really want to be there in early September (2 weeks after due date) to him telling me that his mother is already planning to travel in August, so she'll just pop in and see us (right around the due date) although she says "It's OK if the baby's not there yet."  Now, he's saying to me: "I'll try to keep her out of the delivery room."  

 And when I get upset, he takes it as me not liking his parents, and what's so wrong with them, and it'll be okay...  This about the woman who, when my husband's sister went into labor 2 months ago with her first baby, told everyone that the baby would be born within 5 hours (thereby putting a clock on my poor, laboring sister-in-law that was completely unrealistic), and then proceeded to text the whole family throughout the night with information about how dilated my sister-in-law's cervix was.  All through her 40 hours of labor.

I don't want to make my husband choose between me and his parents, but I just don't think he gets it.

kittykat020

How and who you give birth around should be your decision.  It's an extremely vulnerable time and you need to feel comfortable and supported by who is there or your labor could fail to progress.  Animals stop labor all the time when they feel threatened.  Humans are the same way.  Ask your husband who he would be comfortable pooping in front of because parts of labor are essentially the same thing.  Shame on your parents in law for putting you in that situation and making you cry.  Ask your mother in law if her father in law was in the room while she gave birth.  I highly doubt it.  Tell them they can be the first people in the room after baby is born.  That's not selfish, it's common sense.  My dad has no desire to be in the room while I give birth.  I told me my mother in law and grandmother only 2 people were allowed in the room and unless they wanted to fight off my mom or husband they were out of luck.  Just make something up about hospital policy.    

MoofyKitten

I am almost positive that there are legal ramifications to this matter. I've given on a few things here and there but I would not budge an inch on this. No one, absolutely no one, has the right to elbow their way in to seeing you in what is one of the most physically painful and stressful parts of your life. It is your body. I think that if your husband does not have your back, get your doctor to. They will understand and possibly be able to explain it better. And if worst comes to worst, they'll be able to keep them out when the times comes if they are still insisting.

krys8402

There is no way I'd let my MIL and FIL in!! You have every right to only allow your DH and mother in. You're already going to be out there for the world to see, and they should understand your wishes. So sorry you have to deal with that, but don't do it if you don't want to!

liciav23

You only have two legs, one for DH and one for your mom, so unless others plan on delivering the baby, get the hell out!  

As for me, it'll only be DH, a nurse will be earning her pay that day (poor darling! lol)

Hubby and I put this baby in here and, besides some medical professionals, we'll be the only ones present when she comes out!  

bigday111111

Stand your ground girl, this is YOUR decision!! First of all.... I wanted the same thing, DH and my mom. BC as comforting as your husband can be, your mom has already been through this and sometimes you just need your mommy! I think anything that would make you uncomfortable at such an important time shouldnt be allowed to happen. If your husband feels like it is unfair to have your mom in there tell him tough! At this point you are putting in the labor (litterally) So unfair or not if you want your cat in there with you he just needs to suck it up and say ok. You need to get on the same page as him and then present a united front with his seemingly pushy parents.

Secondly it is not selfish to want to BOND with YOUR baby! I am sorry that you are going through this, especially so close to when you are going to be having your baby! I say just make a plan with your hubby, let everyone know what that plan is for birth and after (visiting etc. ) stick to it! But he needs to be your rock right now and help rangle his family into place.

Good luck with everything. It will all work out in the end, just state your case, stick to it and after that dont let it stress you out!

adj3ts

Oh no!!  Stand you ground, it's your body and your choice who you choose to expose it to.  I would recommend you speak with your husband and explain to him how you feel, hopefully he will get it, if not maybe he should "take many seats" along side his parents.  In laws can be a trip and always make out to be the victim..whatever!! They will be just fine.  Good luck to you!!

coleethansmom

You are not being unreasonable at all. Like what the other moms have said, you are the one doing the heavy lifting so you should be the one who decides what kind of environment you want to labor in. Ask your hubby if he would be comfortable taking a huge dump in front of your parents. 

szknightbuchanan

Only one in the room with me is dh. Mil is upset but who cares. It's not her choice. And I love her tons I'm just not comfortable having people watch this go down. Good luck. Hope they give you some respect for your choice.

mikesbride12

Of course you get the final say -its your stuff on display -when your DH is comfortable putting HIS completely mangled junk on display for YOUR parents after just pushing out a baby, then he can have an opinion. If you want YOUR mom in there it is totally understandable, she's the one that has been there for you your whole life and knows how to best take care of you -no offense to DH but childbirth is not something men can really understand or relate to, they dont know what youre going through or how to help manage your pain and emotions. Not to mention, your mom is the one that pushed you out. its ony fair she would get to witness you experience the same pain you probably put her through. if your DH needs his mom in there to comfort and take care of HIM, he probably shouldnt be in there to begin wit!

carolinettc

I saw this on the main page and had to click on it to what the story was all about.  I have a pushy MIL and even she didn't mention being in the room.  Be firm, it's your experience....

elliesmommy1027

Last minute I chose to have my MIL in the delivery room when I had my 1st! I was a little nervous at first but I am soo glad my husband and I asked her, I think she was really appreciative and I have no regrets. My in laws never pressure us with anything thought soo that might be where the diff is. Good luck on your decision and remember, its YOUR decision and they need to respect it if you say NO and I would NEVER allow my FIL to be in there!!! Im 5weeks with my 2nd and would ask her to be in there again but I think she is going to stay with my daighter whilewe are at the hosp.

MollyC20

Don't let them guilt trip you into not having your experience!!! It's YOUR baby, YOUR moment, YOUR new family.. She/they will just have to deal!  I had just my husband there and wouldn't have had it any other way. 

SarahCM2013

I myself, agree with you. It's your body. If your in-laws want to be in there, but you wouldnt be comfortable with it then don't have them in there. I wouldn't have my in-laws in there, especially the male ones. Your husband really has no say in this situtation and if he has a problem with it, then he really doesn't care about YOU being fully comfortable. It's not about his parents, it's about you and the baby.

dianaeng

The woman giving birth gets to decide no questions asked. Your husband is being very unreasonable and your mother-in-law sounds like a lunatic. Tell them that you get to decide who looks at your vagina regardless what is coming  out of it. 

puggle1

Anyone who would want to make a 38 week pregnant person that stressed is to immature to handle the stress of the delivery room. My fil showed up when I was 7 cm and leaking all over. It was mortifying. Last time is let my mil mother siter and grandmother go. This time I am only having my sister. The goal is healthy mommy and baby not happy in laws not only is the delivery room messy but its hard to learn     To breast feed with people taking the baby away from you. You will regret letting people your not comfortable with be there you need to let your guard down ands not be modest. Good luc

AdamandAngE

I feel your pain- when I told my husband that with our second child, I thought I wanted my mother in the delivery room. His first comment was, "You know my mom is going to throw a fit right?" My answer to that was, "She's just going to have to put on her big girl panties and suck it up." I have since changed my mind and it will just be my husband and I, but the point is- it is my body and my decision to make. Your husband's parents will get over it when that grandchild is in their arms, and if they don't then it's going to be their loss.

As far as your husband goes, he probably does not understand the vulnerability that all women feel when they are lying there with your most private parts out for all to see. If you are anything like me, it's hard enough having all of those nurses and doctors taking peeks. Try to explain this and the fact that added stressors are unnecessary and DANGEROUS in the delivery room. 

angelalcoelho

Youre the one pushing that things out of your vagina....YOU decide. My husband and i decided only he and i....people have to respect what you say...and your nurses can totally throw people out too...:) 

A37licia

Ok this thread is about 9 months old and it needs to die. She'd had her baby.

MaggieN2028

CurlyQ284:

Tell him if his mom and dad are there, he has to drop trou, spread his legs and give both your parents a nice view of his twig and berries. He has to stay on display for 1048 hours. Its only fair.

 

HAHA. I love that.  

 

tate62610

There is no way in freakin' hell I'd let my MIL or FIL (!!!! WTF?!!!) in the room while I delivered.  I'm not even having my own father in there because that's just weird and uncomfortable.  My mother won't be here until about a week after my due date so if she's here when I go into labor then I'm all about her being in the room because she is my mother.  She is a big part of my comfort and support.  Otherwise, it is DH (along with 10 other strangers....) only and that is NON-negotiable.

wahinekapu

We are not even telling people we are in labor until after baby is born.  I don't want all that drama about who can come in and who cant.  My friends MIL made a scene at her delivery, her husband had to keep leaving the delivery room to deal with her... HELL NO!!!!

A37licia

How are people still finding this thread?? Let it die!

grace_smith03

grace1404 said:

Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

Oh, boy.  I can understand, but take it from me, lay the law down NOW so that they know where boundaries are...I promise, I used to try to avoid confrontation, but people commonly mistake niceness for WEAKNESS, and next thing you know, you're a doormat.

YOU are about to pass a watermelon. Worth it, but not fun.  If having your mom there comforts you, that's why she gets to go in. This is a mom/daughter time to bond. (no disrespect to those that don't feel the same, or those that get along better with their ILs than their moms) WHOEVER you see as a comforting person, that's who you have in there.  Ask your MIL who was in the room when she gave birth.  And having any male in their besides DH?!  Creepy. If they weren't there for conception, they don't need to be there for the birth.  

Good luck.

mommabearrr

Its just as much of your MIL's grand baby as your mom's so I personally think you're being a little bit unfair and you yourself are playing the victim as well. I know it can be hard because I find myself being a little selfish at times but it is kind of selfish that you're not respecting your husband and his mom about the new baby who is a really big part of their lives too. I totally understand about the FIL that's different but you should reconsider about your MIL she just wants to support you and her son just like your mom wants to support you and your husband!

laurakaz13

This is ridiculous and if my DH didn't back me up 1000% he would not be in the room either.  Of course, I am pretty direct and would tell MIL and FIL that hell would freeze over before that would ever happen. 

katiebenes

snowflake91011 said:

grace1404:

So from day one I only wanted my husband and mother in the delivery room with me, but the other day at 38 weeks my MIL and FIL sat me down for a talk.  They told me that are always left out (constantly make themselves the victims) and that they should be in the room too, and that DH and I's decision to have bonding time with baby before visitors came in was selfish.  Basically they had me crying telling me that I was treating them unfairly for an hour. It was horrible.  Talked to DH about how uncomfortable I would be, especially with FIL, my own dad isn't in coming in there. So DH says if I don't want them in there then my mother shouldn't be either because it wouldn't be fair, SERIOUSLY!! Is it just me or should what the woman who will be giving birth  get to decide this and not be questioned on it. I am now torn I don't want to fight with my husband or in laws but I want to have a comfortable environment while in labor. 

Your DH should be supporting YOU during labor, not making sure his parents are happy.  It isn't about your in-laws, it is about you, your H, and your new baby.  I would not budge and if your H wants to be ridiculous, then he can sit in the waiting room with them while your mom supports you through labor.

yup. this.

Seriously... its "unfair" if you, the one having the medical procedure, get to choose who is there for you???

But I do have to say if your Mom gets to meet and hold the baby that's not right... My Mom knows that I will be the first in the family to hold John and DH will be the first to hold Caleb, then we'll switch for the second... 

So basically, as long as that family alone time includes your Mom being gone... nothing wrong with what you want. 

No way on God's green Earth will there be any chance of anyone seeing my stuff for the first time during labor. not going to happen (except nursing staff of course) 

katiebenes

MrsT1108 said:

grace1404:

Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

WTF was there to validate?  You needed internet strangers to tell you to be a big girl?  You need us to tell you that it's YOUR body and YOUR decision?  You  couldn't figure that our on your own?

Oy.

she needed validation that she wasn't being selfish. its common for someone who hates conflict to second guess themselves in this area. 

katiebenes

jvdavisbaby said:

snowflake91011:

grace1404:

Thank you ladies, I am one of those people who compromises on a lot to avoid any confrontation, and know with a little validation I am feeling better about standing up for myself.

Do not compomise here.  First of all, the more stressed out and uncomfortable you are, the more stress you will put on the baby.  Tell your H that - would he want to risk the health of the baby in order to make his mommy happy?  Your MIL had her moment when she had her kid(s).  Now it is your turn.  She'll get over it.

What she said!! Im shocked he even told you that your mom being there was unfair! And seriously FIL in the room is just creepy... no way in hell would mine be there and no way in hell will my MIL be in the room with us... 1) I dont like her to begin with 2) since we got the BFP all she talks about is how her pregnancy and delivery went and how mine will be soooo difficult because hers was..... seriously I want to tell her STFU!

Its your baby, your body and your L&D ... its not a show or spectator event if they want to see a birth tell them all to youtube it  My mom and my DH will be in the room that is all... no questions and no exceptions and if MIL doesnt like it then she can just wait in her hotel room until we go home!!

Be strong and don't let your hubs or in-laws get you upset!! Just focus on you and that precious baby you are about to bring into the world!! Good luck!

 

 

ha. its more likely yours will end up like *your* mother's labor, not her's... strange

Ahtnamas6789

When my MIL assumed she would be in the room without even asking I politely told her we wanted it just to be us two she responded by saying "well I will be in the room the entire time..good luck getting me out" ugh shoot me now.. I about had a heart attack. I don't like conflict either. I feel your pain!

Mmamax2

This was an issue with my first just with my MIL my FIL did not want anything to do with being in the room but as the time is approaching my MIL has asked DH again if she can be in the room and when he told me he said my mom will be in the room this time and I just flat out said no he tried to say something about my mom being there and I told him he was going to miss the birth of his own son if he fought with me about this I'm the one on display I get to chose who is in there I don't care how upset your mom is about it it's not her choice or yours needless to say he hasn't brought it up again but also has been a pansy telling his mom I said no and she had been calling me constantly to see how things are going and when I think it will happen I have resorted to not answering an letting him deal with it so just stand your ground because there is no reason for you to feel bad or obligated to have them there it is your vagina

sadielove

I wouldn't even want my own mom in there.  This is about your family.

TLRachelle

That is really mean of your MIL and FIL! I can't believe they would put you through that! I am so sorry. Bottomline I agree with the majority here - It's your body and guess what? When it comes to actually being in the delivery room, you and ONLY you decide. Plus I'm pretty sure your doctor is not going to be happy about having so many extra people in the room - seriously 4 people??? There's no room for that! I don't think you have to worry too much b/c they are going to ask people to leave if there are that many trying to get in and they are going to ask YOU not DH not ILs. There's a waiting room for a reason! 

hannahlce

Jimsgirl5821 said:

This is by far one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. The day DH would expect me to allow my FIL (or even MIL) to see my vagina would be the day hell froze over. Shame on them for stressing you and making you cry during this time. Absolutely ridiculous. Your mom is there to support her baby going through something that can be painful, scary, etc. The fact that someone thinks they should be in on the "show" so everyone can feel even is ridiculous. I would sit DH, FIL and MIL down, tell them all "Okay FIL and MIL, show me your penis and vagina and DH you go show my mom your goodies, then we will be all even you can come in the room". Do NOT cave and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You do what is healthiest and least stressful for you.  

This. Absolutely.

Also: "Go show my mom your goodies."

Bahahahaha

kassondra21

I think that if you want your mother in there for comfort, she should be. My mother was in the room with my first one and I felt so much better with her in there. I think for me my mother in law being in the room would be uncomfortable as well. You should do what makes you most comfortable.

jlwhiteside10

I had the same issue with my MIL. I only want my mother and husband in the room with me as well. I sat down with my MIL and my husband to explain to her that I was not comfortable having my body on display with her being in the room. I also promised her some alone time with the baby after she was born. 

meganhite12

It is your decision, don't let in to their demands. I hope everything goes ok

Preggo2014

NO WAY would my in-laws be in my delivery room!!! You need to put your foot down on this one. It may be tough for them to accept, but it's YOUR body and YOUR comfort level. If all you've ever dreamed of was having your hubby and mom with you, then that's what you should get. No exceptions. Maybe there's a happy medium, for example, they can stop in from time to time when things aren't as fast-paced (like when you're exposed and pushing). That way, they'll get to check up on you and maybe even run some errands for you (like get a cup of ice). It'll help them feel like their not ignored and they'll feel like their contributing. Please don't give in, girl. Who knows? I may be having this same argument with my in-laws months from now, and as much as I don't want to hurt their feelings, I already know what my decision will be. NO WAY!!!