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3rd Trimester
MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)
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Re: MIL wants in the delivery room! (Need to Vent)
THIS. one million percent.
Nicely said! Who cares who is first! It should be you! I didn't even tell anyone we were in the way to the hospital. My water broke, we stayed at home till dark and headed out to 'dinner'
my mom and husband were the only ones at the hospital and the only ones that knew! He and his parents need to hit reality....girl you need to show them 
"The birth of your baby is supposed to be a joyous occasion. Why wouldn't they want to be a part of their grandchild coming into this world"
This isnt about what the inlaws or family want, it's about what makes the mother happy, comfortable and therefore is condusive to a less stressful delivery. Its great for you that you didn't care who was there, but that isnt how it is for most women. Wanting to be a part of their grandchild coming into the world doesnt mean they actually get to be a part of it. Anything that makes Mom uncomfortable should be out the door immediately. Labor is hard enough without an audience that you didn't want there to begin with.
ETA: Oops. I have posts sorted by last reply and didn't realize this was actually from 2 months ago
Its your decision considering you are the one on display and going through a laboring task. But at the same time, in any relationship, there needs to be understanding and compromise. All in all, if you really want your mother there, then stand your ground. Otherwise, if the DH is offended and feels his parents are being treated unfairly, then make a compromise that only the two of you will be in there and everyone can come after.
My MIL asked if she could be there because this is her first grandbaby. I straight out told her I was not comfortable with it. She was a little offended, but I am the one giving birth and she didn't question it further. But I also don't intend on having anyone there other than my husband.
(PS - I definitely don't think the FIL needs to be there. That's overboard)
"You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..."
I am going to have to side with you on this one. Giving birth is a very special time for you and your husband. You have the right to choose who you want in the room and who you do not. I would suggest talking to your husband about how having so many people in the room will not be relaxing and comfortable for you...be truthful. Labor and delivery are amazing experiences...the last ting you need is additional stress and discomfort! My mother was in the room with me for my first 2 children along with my husband..that was it. I did not want to make the event a spectacle. I am also a very modest person....I completely understand why you would not want your in laws in the room. Your mother on the other hand...she has raised you since birth...a bit different. Inviting your in laws into the room right after the baby is born to be a part of the event is just as special. At the end of the day...the in laws will get over it. This is your baby, your body! Good luck.
Your mother is YOUR mother. Mother-in-laws are different. They need to respect your wishes. It's your baby...for all you know, you may not want anyone in the room when you're giving birth (when it's actually happening). Listen to yourself. This is a decision between you and your husband. You can even get the doctors or nurses to lie and say that there is a max of how many people you can have in the room...two...your husband and your mother.
You're not selfish. THEY'RE selfish for having this talk with you this late. If they want this to happen, they need to wait for THEIR daughter to have a baby.
This is ridiculous....I hope your husband eventually stood up for you and the ILs didn't come.
Having too many people in the room is just a bad idea, plain and simple. I went to med school and the first delivery on my ob rotation was horrific. This girl had her boyfriend, her mom, her dad, his mom, his dad, along with all her siblings and some of his. Besides the fact that this is ?ber creepy, it's tough for people to move around when needed. The baby also unexpectedly needed to be resuscitated in the delivery room so there was a mass panic with all those people in the room. The baby ended up going to NICU and did just fine but that environment is just not safe.
Wow you are in a pickle! I had my mom, husband, sister and MIL in the delivery room with me. It first started out as just my hubby, then my mom came and my MIL and sister which I'd dint plan on. I didn't want to just kick out my MIL when it was time to push because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or exclude her. So I kept my mouth shut and she was there. It wasn't that bad at the time...there were so many people in the room I figured what's one more. With baby #2 I'm only having my husband. I want that time to be a little more private and don't want visitors for the first couple of hours either.
In my opinion your in laws are being totally unreasonable. As if you want your father in law seeing your vagina. Seriously. My advice is to either just have your husband in there with you even though you really want your mom or have your mom and your in laws in the delivery room too. It's not worth fighting about. And your in laws will never understand your decision to not have them in there but have your mom...it could be a sore spot for many years to come.
I'm totally on your side and think that it's 100% the woman's decision and only the woman's decision who's in the delivery room with her as it is a medical procedure and a private one if that's the way you want it. Good luck!
LOL I'd tell DH to GTF over it. He doesn't need to be there.
yes your right you get to decide and you can have ppl kicked out of your room too.
you need to tell your
DH your mother has given birth to you, not his.
your mother has seen you nude, not his.
when he gives birth to a kidney stone his mother is more then welcome to watch and hold his hand
It is an COMPLETELY up to you. Dont worry about upsetting anyone, on that day at that time it is all about you and your baby. You do what makes you comfortable. It should just be enough that they will be there period, regardless of if they get to see the baby literally make his or her entrance into the world..
My MIL was in the room with me, but that was a last minute decision for me, until the point it was time for me to push I had only wanted my mom and husband in the room. But over time I became more comfortable with it, but we have a very good relationship/friendship, and she's a nurse, so that , made it less weird for me. As for my FIL, personally thats just weird. I feel that my husband is the only man who should see my business, childbirth or not. (Unless ,
medically necessary of course.
)
Sorry MIL and FIL don't belong there because you don't want them there. I hope you don't bend on this.
I can't imagine sharing something so intimate with my inlaws. You are giving birth not your husband. If you want your mother there and not his so be it. The idea of the FIL being in there too is just weird to me.
Your husband needs to support you and set boundaries with his parents.
OK you guys, this thing is 4 months old. OP already had her baby. Seems like everything is ok with the in-laws.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/70251071.aspx
According to my healthcare team, studies show that the more people you have in your labor room the longer your labor is. I didn't even let my mom in the room (much to her dismay).
Labor is HARD work (probably why they call it labor). You need to have an environment that you feel comfortable and safe. If you don't feel comfortable (with your surroundings), it can stall your labor. Which can lead to all sorts of complications.
Just my 2 cents.
"Is it just me or should what the woman who will be giving birth get to decide this and not be questioned on it."
No, you are completely justified. Just point blankly tell them that you don't want your vagina to be on view to them (shocking words sometimes reach people that are stubborn).
Your mom is there to support your birthing process, to root for you and encourage you. Something not even your husband can fully do because he has never pushed a living person out of his body...
Some compromises you can think on would be to let other family members come in while you are in early labor, before your legs are up and the doc is checking your dilation every 5 mins. IF you think they are the type to not respect your wishes and remain when they should be leaving then don't offer this however.
A second compromise is telling your MIL that she can be the first one to hold your baby after you and your husband, that your mother can be in line after. This will equal out some of the pressures. Push comes to shove, you let them know that you are the one in labor and doing the hard work, and that them making your D-day more difficult is unfair. Oh and to make the husband happier you can have him cut the cord if he agrees to your terms. ;P
THIS!
the only reason im having my MIL in the room with me is because my mom lives in texas and i live in chicago! other then that i would just have my mom and my BD!
his parents need to grow up and and shut up! ask your S/O if he was getting his balls clipped would he want both of your parents in there? i dont think so!
hope this helps:)
Its your birth experience and if you want your mom and not his in there that is your right. Ask if if she would like to be spread eagle for two hours with everyone watching?!? Have your mom and husband like you want and she needs to get over it, your in laws can come in when your dad comes in and if they don't like it then they don't need to be there at all. They shouldn't play the victim card when its your body and you don't want it on display for all to see! Stick to your guns!
That's a crappy situation! Don't feel guilty, my mom is already trying to tell me it isn't my choice who is in there and its not about me, I'm only 23 weeks pregnant.
My husband won't be there due to Marine Corps Schooling, and I don't plan on having ANYONE in the room with me unless he shows up. If I want help my mom will be the first one I ask for, but I don't want anyone in there.
I wouldn't go this route because my FIL would actually do it, I know my MIL wouldn't though. My husband was 12 when they had his little brother and they had him in the room when he was being born. He was the first to see the head..... I remind him of this often, just to embarrass him, just in private though.