Rude family reaction at shower?!

clariknittist

DH's family threw us a shower this weekend which was way more than they needed to do - they really went all out, and everyone was really generous.  But I just can't get out of my mind when we were sitting opening presents with his sister, mother, and aunt that someone asked if we were sharing names.  We said sure, if it's a boy Henry, if it's a girl, Ruth, and his mom made a disgusted face at Henry and said "Now people will call him HANK - that's awful" and his sister incredulously reacted to Ruth like "RUTH?!  WHY would you do that to your child?  That's a horrible name - ugh." Uh....WTH?  This isn't the first bad reaction we've had from his family either, and hello, I was sitting RIGHT THERE when she was ripping on DH one seat away from me. 

Here's the thing, which I also said trying not to show how pissed I was, "Well, they're family names for both of us.  I also have a Henry and a Ruth in my family" - just like DH's, which were his late GRANDPARENTS...why would they be flipping out like this when he's just trying to honor their memory?  Everybody in the family loved his grandparents, so I don't know what the bleep the problem is?!?!?  I asked him later if they're pissed like we're stealing them for ourselves, but he said that isn't it at all...This is really rude, right - not just me??

LoveIsOwlYouNeed

I still can't get over how rude people (and family, nonetheless) can be about a name that has been chosen!  That's exactly why we aren't sharing our names. 

I would have just told the sister, "Well when you have kids you can name them whatever you want."  I really hope they aren't causing you to reconsider your names.  Stick to your guns and don't talk to them about it any more.

awicks

YES!  it is totally rude! It's your baby and you should name him/her whatever means something special to you and your husband.  They should have kept their opinions to themselves or shouldn't have asked.

I think my Inlaws would probably have the same comments so I am just telling them that we are not deciding until we see the baby.  That way it wont matter!

 

jobiann

Very rude and another reason why we are not sharing our names!

bearkatjen

I am just stunned at some of the responses the women on this board receive from friends and family! Henry and Ruth are great names and meaningful names, and I'm sorry those women can't see that.

brianabrad

I agree with everyone else. Very rude and the exact reason we aren't sharing names. Early on I learned that MIL and SIL can't be trusted to keep opinions to themselves and they totally ruined a name for me. So from then on . . I didn't say anything about names to them and my mom has a huge mouth so no names for her right.

I'm sorry they reacted in that way and you had to experience it. I hope it doesn't totally taint your shower memories. 

hansonam446

Super rude.

kenna_4

It's rude. However that's the risk you take in sharing the name.

spikeinc

Yes incredibly rude. They seem to believe that they can have some influence on you changing the name by expressing their dislike. Maybe this tactic has worked for them in past situations with your H and why they feel that it might work now.

Unfortunately that is the risk you take with telling anyone your name choices. Most people will not say much about a name once the baby has been born but don't think it will stop all people. My sister had her baby in August and when my mother found out the name and middle name, she decided to tell my sister what a horrible choice of middle names she made and how it would ruin the poor little girl's life.

All you can do is let your anger go, repeat that this is your choice and it is final and they will eventually drop it. Clearly they want you upset enough to consider a name change so not letting their behavior affect you is your best defense. 

Reyka9

Yup. When I revealed our DS's name right after our 18 week ultrasound, my mom said the name Sebastian was "a slap in the face." She denies ever saying that to this day, but sorry, you said it, Ma. We learned our lesson and have not revealed our name choices this time.

Please don't let these rude comments change your mind about the names you love. Trust me, stick to your guns and everyone else will come around.

wootownlady

Your names are adorable. Henry is very popular for good reason. And even if he does get called hank - it won't be until his 60s or 70s.  Ignore the haters!

simplein06

jobiann:

Very rude and another reason why we are not sharing our names!

this

Smashdance

I just can't believe they would say such things at your shower. In front of a bunch of friends and family. That makes it 100 times worse! Like others have said, this is why we aren't sharing our name choices. DHs mother made some rude comments to him about some names we were originally thinking of (mind you, this is before we even knew what we were having, so it was all hypothetical), so now nobody gets to know. Some people are completely offended when I tell them we aren't telling, there's just no pleasing everyone.

Alyssa102

Totally rude.  Sorry you had to deal with that.  If you don't like a name, keep it to yourself.

clariknittist

I haven't really thought twice about sharing names before, because no one else has reacted negatively at all...everyone in my family, friends, even strangers have all been positive, so no, I didn't think I was taking some huge risk by sharing them again.  After this happened, DH and I were talking about it and how stunned I was, and he said he hadn't shared with me before but other members of his family were similarly rude to him weeks ago when they asked and he shared - another aunt said we're "saddling our child for life with awful names"...?!?!  I guess it wouldn't bother me coming from people farther removed - but his sister and his mom?!  I'm sorry, but it's ridiculous, and I had no idea it had happened prior, and he's really upset about it - probably even more than I am.  I think that's the part that bothers me the most - it makes my mama bear come out a little bit, haha...

BLPL101

We are using Ruth for our LO's middle name. It's my DH's grandmother's name and I think it's lovely!! Henry was another name that we love...it's DH's grandfather's middle name. They are both normal, classic names. I think you have great taste

FWIW, we are sharing names and I get positive feedback on Ruth! 

leller00

That's terrible! I think Henry and Ruth are classic names. If people don't like the names you have chosen they should keep it to themselves. My SIL just had a baby and I think the name she chose is absolutely horrible; however, I'm not going to tell her that. It's none of my business and it's her daughter and her choice. Who am I to say anything to her about it? I have had mostly good reactions to the name we have chosen for our daughter (Kira Belle) but I did have one person say it sounds like the Disney cow Clarabelle or a Disney princess name. At first I got angry but then I thought you know what I really don't care, we love the name we chose, screw what anyone else thinks! 

nycitygirl1

Sorry to hear about that. That's one of the main reasons we're choosing not to share our names until the baby is here and it's on the birth certificate. People can be SO ANNOYING! I'm sure they don't think they're being rude, but it was so mean of them to say that to you - let alone at your shower in a room full of people.

RJM050705

It's rude to say, "Why would you name your kid THAT?" regardless of who the parents to be are and who is saying it.  Flat out rude.  My brother doesn't like either of our top boy names...  Too effing bad!

clariknittist

Ugh...the whole thing makes me feel like "Geez, if they're saying this to our face, what are they saying behind our back?!" but, I think we're pretty set on these names, like it or not...!  

karen_loy

Wow! So rude and innappropriate