Depression after miscarrying, how to deal?

itchytasty06

I would like to start off saying that I am not yet a mother. Closer to the beginning of the month I knew I was pregnant. I did a lot of research and I had all the signs, I was so excited! I talked to my boyfriend about it and since we had a guest in town, he asked for me to wait to take the test till he left. Well a few days go by and I could not take it anymore and bought a test and I was right, we were going to be parents!! All that night we talked about names, and the plans for the new future that was ahead. We were so excited and we went to bed holding my belly. 

Unfortunately, the next day at work I started bleeding really heavy to the point where I thought I was going to be sick and faint. Soon after that I went to the bathroom and my little bean was in the toilet paper. I was holding my little bean in my hands. 

Now here I am.. I am having such a hard time dealing with being sad just all day, not wanting to move, all I want to do is sleep and cry when I am awake. I have tried to logic my way through this and read the stories of other to try to show myself that I am not the only one but nothing seems to be working. My boyfriend is trying really hard to be here for me but the fact that he is not as upset as I am, I feel, is making it so much worse for me.

I guess what I am asking is, to the other women here who had lost their little one/s, what did you do to make the pain easier to handle?

2redtulips

I am right in the thick of the grief this week. I am crying a lot, randomly, and just having a hard time in general. Sadly, I think that's pretty normal, and the only way over it is through it.

One thing I have done is order myself a piece of remembrance jewelry. Just to have something to help me remember and honor my lost little one. Maybe something like that would help you as well?

Give yourself time to grieve. It is a loss, and it is normal and ok to be sad for awhile. 

If it becomes overwhelming, maybe consider seeing a counselor. 

I am sorry for your loss. HUGS. 

itchytasty06

That's my problem. I work at a bank and whenever I see a young child or a baby it is so hard to keep my emotions in tack. Especially when they ask if they can have a Lollie pop.

I saw those today and thought about ordering one but have been debating it. I did submit a Forget-me-Not in the forget-me-not meadow in which I wrote a small letter to my Little Bean. 

The grieving sucks yes, but I feel as though it is affect my job and my relationship with the man I love and I don't want that to happen at all. I feel as though I am being a nuisance to those around me.

My sister who miscarried at 3 months told me that if it get's really bad to consider anti-depressents. /Sigh

/HUGS

and thank you.

2redtulips

You are not a nuisance. You are grieving. It is a very human response and experience.

Be honest with your SO about how you are feeling. Ask him for what you need. He might be thankful to be let in and to have a way to offer you support.

Lean on your sister. Post here. You will get through it, one day at a time.

Alicialgb

I am so sorry for your loss.  The thing that hit me after my d&c was that life was still going on for everyone but me.  The week before my d&c I cried and cried.  I shut myself in my office at work and didn't talk to a soul.  I really couldn't, or I'd cry!  Now I'm just numb, but I get angry very easy or short with my husband (may be my HCG, it is still going down) and am depressed enough that my girlfriends are commenting on it.  I think I'll be back to "me" at some point, but my baby will always be a part of my story now.  All you can do is take it one day at a time.  My T&P are with you.  ((HUGS))

ahess2011

My husband and I started trying to have a baby in Sept(our first) and it worked instantly.  We did a home pregnancy test the beginning of Oct then i went to my PCP on 10/12 to get their positive. Last Wednesday morning, when i woke up and went to the bathroom, i noticed blood and freaked out, called the OB/GYN to see if i could get an appt.  I was told my baby measured at 7weeks and 5 days and had no heartbeat.  This was my husbands and mines first and last time seeing our little baby during the ultrasound.  I cried and cried and cried and we talked to the doctor to try and find out why this would happen.  I saw the tissue/fetus come out so im lucky i dont have to have a d&c and i did not have a lot of physcial pain that comes with a miscarriage. Im still sad to this day, its only been a week but stay positive.  Only time will heal your pain.  My friend sent me a message and i would like to share it with you. 

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. Please watch over me and heal my family. In Jesus name, Amen."

I know my husband and i are looking forward to trying again in a couple of months and im praying we will have our baby next year.  I know its hard but I hope your able to find comfort and peace of mind.

Alicialgb

ahess2011:

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. Please watch over me and heal my family. In Jesus name, Amen."

 

Thanks for this ahess--I needed to see that. 

AddyAllTogether

I found few things to ease the pain except time and even then i have moments where its crippling. Working on keeping my relationship strong...cleaning my house....a lot. : Stay strong lady it will get better.