No Congratulations?? (Vent)

PinkGlitter2012

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it is really bothering me that my sister-in-law has not congratulated us on our pregnancy.  At first I figured she hadn't sent a text or e-mail because she wanted to tell us in person, but we saw her this weekend and she never once mentioned the pregnancy.  My mother-in-law asked me when the due date was again, within earshot of my SIL and she STILL said nothing about it.  This makes me sad, but mostly mad.  Ugh!  We've always been friendly (not super close, but friendly) and we've never had any problems.  So weird.

 Vent over. 

campbaby76

Could she be TTC and having trouble? Or maybe she is not a baby person and just doesn't think it's necessary? IDK, some people are just weird!

blush64

I don't think it's a big deal. Maybe I'm weird but I wouldn't care. Neither of my sisters congratulated me when I told them. (a week earlier than I was going to tell them) My brothers-in-law haven't said a word about it. It doesn't bug me at all.

Not saying anything could be for any reason. Maybe she is at a place in her life where there's a lot going on. It's a very happy time for you but it's not her baby. BE happy with your news and enjoy the congratulations and well wishes you do get.

EDIT to fix and add.

slweaver0626

My (older) SIL is the only one on DH's side not to have said anything to me either. Both her mom and younger sister have congratulated us and 'checked in' on us a few times. But silence from her. She is done having kids and she wants more but her DH says no... so I think it's rubbing her that the rest of us are starting families.

PinkGlitter2012

Thanks, ladies!  Well, she has twin girls that she conceived through IVF 6 years ago, but they have no desire to have anymore children.  So I don't think that's the case here.  I think she's just being weird.  This is our third and she congratulated us on our previous pregnancies - why not with this one?  IDK  I need to learn to look at the positives only...

kpaivel

I agree that it's a little strange. Perhaps there are other issues going on in her personal life that you aren't aware of and somehow your announcement struck a sensitive chord? Just a thought.

I would be confused as well.

JMKaut

Neither of our parents congratulated us, and my brother and SIL just said we were crazy....

 

the only people who have been happy for us or even excited have been the few friends we've told. We're telling the rest of DH's family this weekend....his one brother should be excited, they are all about having as many kids as possible. His other brother is a wild card, so I'm not expecting much.

SymphonyGirl

Did you ever actually officially announce your pregnancy to her? Through the family grapevine, I sometimes know things about family members that I'm not sure if I'm supposed to know yet. If someone has said something like, "They're not telling people yet, but here's what's going on...", I politely pretend I don't know until I hear it from the person it's about.  Maybe that's what's going on with SIL?

PinkGlitter2012

No, I haven't told her directly because I figured my MIL said something to her since they speak on a daily basis and my MIL was really excited about it when we told her.  I thought for sure she would say something after my MIL asked about my due date.  

PinkGlitter2012

slweaver0626:

My (older) SIL is the only one on DH's side not to have said anything to me either. Both her mom and younger sister have congratulated us and 'checked in' on us a few times. But silence from her. She is done having kids and she wants more but her DH says no... so I think it's rubbing her that the rest of us are starting families.

She's the oldest sibling also, but both her and her husband have said they are completely done.  Everyone else has congratulated us and asked how I was feeling, what we hope for, etc.   

HoolahZinger

I'd try to not get too bent out of shape about it. Maybe there's a chance she has had a loss you don't know about or has had issues TTC. Try not to focus too much on the person who hasn't congratulated you but on those who are able to join in on the excitement. I know it's a bummer but there may be more than meets the eye. 

HoolahZinger

PinkGlitter2012:

No, I haven't told her directly because I figured my MIL said something to her since they speak on a daily basis and my MIL was really excited about it when we told her.  I thought for sure she would say something after my MIL asked about my due date.  

Sometimes when a close family member doesn't hear it directly, it could rub the wrong way? Just another idea. Again, try not to focus on it too much. It's not worth the frustration.  

KtrynReu

PinkGlitter2012:

slweaver0626:

My (older) SIL is the only one on DH's side not to have said anything to me either. Both her mom and younger sister have congratulated us and 'checked in' on us a few times. But silence from her. She is done having kids and she wants more but her DH says no... so I think it's rubbing her that the rest of us are starting families.

She's the oldest sibling also, but both her and her husband have said they are completely done.  Everyone else has congratulated us and asked how I was feeling, what we hope for, etc.   

If you haven't told her directly, and she has a history of trouble TTC then I would not take this personally at all.  She could simply think that you have told her, so she should wait to bring it up (as PP have said).  Or, she might be done because IVF is really expensive and they might have decided that they couldn't afford to try again.  Or that they emotionally can't handle trying again.  So, it could be that they are completely done, but it isn't by choice, and she hasn't come to terms with that yet.  I would not make a big deal out of this - and I would give her the benefit of the doubt.

carabear87

I know this might sound kinda snarky and its not meant to but maybe she just isn't that excited since it is your third. In my family the more you have the less people tend to care honestly. I know that its rude but that's how some people feel about it. Like PP have said I wouldn't worry about it and just enjoy your time!

lumosmaxima

I would guess she has some personal feelings or issues that your pregnancy is bringing up, that she is struggling with. It sucks that she is taking it out on you, so to speak, and can't handle herself a little better - but I wouldn't take it too personally. Don't let her (lack of) reaction make you any less excited! 

geoffandkara

I felt the same way when my grandma and aunt showed no emotion when I announced it to them (in person!).  Sometimes non-reaction can be quite hurtful.  I don't know why some people act the way they do...