hubby's ready but am i?

bissea83

We got married a year ago (I'm 29, he's 28) last august and my family immediately wanted to know when we were going to get pregnant. My hubby was great and let them know that we (in reality it was just i) were not ready yet.

Now its a year later and he has brought up the discussion a few times.  we have a close friend who is due in February and a few other friends w/ kids. I'm on birth control (and have been since 15 due to very very painful periods) my dr let me know once i get married i should go off the pill  because it takes 6 to 12 months to be safe to become pregnant. So my hubby is just asking when I'm going to go off...

He is amazing  and will be a great dad but i have lots of worries on my end:

1. i just started dancing as a hobby and my studio will not allow you to dance due to the risk to the baby. this is my stress re-leaver especially when work is bad

2. our work schedules are abnormal hours and my job is very high stress but we need both incomes to pay our current bills.

3. i have a second job coaching Special Olympics gymnastics again they will not allow my to coach pregnant  due to risks to the baby so i would have to quit the team for a year.(money is not the issue in this case its abandoning my team)

4. we are living pay check to paycheck so i worry about the cost

5. I'm deathly afraid of needles, doctors, and IV's(i passed out every time) and what my periods will be off BC

6. i know my mom will overwhelm and smother me with trying help and being excited (which is good  to a point but she tends to do it to the point of nagging) making me resentful and angry and i won't know how to nicely ask her to relax (like she did for our wedding and it took until now for me to be ok that she took over the wedding and made her own...)

7.  learning disabilities run in my family as well as cancer (my sister died of cancer, my mom and aunt had breast cancer) and ADHD and cancer runs in his. I feel like we are very likely  to have a child that has cancer or a disability.

8. i know nothing about having babies or pregnancy i haven't been around anyone  with baby's to learn. (except our one pregnant friend who is always tired- understandably- so we don't hang out much) 

9. i don't know how to be a good mom and i don't have my sister here to guide me.

10.  we have a small fixer upper house with too much stuff, our extra bedroom is full of stuff and we have lots of repairs that we still need to do.

my hubby's response to all this is i worry too much and it will all work out... he said it will encourage him to finish the house projects, his family would love to help us in any way we need and everything else will fall into place...

help! how do i know if I'm over worrying , if we are "ready" and I'm just crazy or do we need to work on this stuff. Are my worries are normal? Any suggestions?

GWUAlum

I also have extreme periods. Have you been checked for endometriosis? I was recently diagnosed with myself. We were told if we want kids we better start trying soon.

 I?ve always been told if we wait until we are ready we?ll never be ready. It sounds like you have a good support system. Sometimes you just have to jump in head first and hope everything works out it usually does! I can see both sides of it.

burmann

After a year of marriage I felt just like you.  My husband and I were living in a tiny rental house, weird hours, stressful job and living paycheck to paycheck.  And there is nothing wrong with that...its just a time of adjustments.  I personally had hobbies and a lifestyle that did not go well with being a mother.  I enjoyed my freedom and loved being able to do all the things that other people could longer enjoy.  

About a year and a half into our marriage I started throwing around the idea, however, many days I still did not feel totally on board.  Husband and I bought our first home together and started to really feel settled in married life.  We decided to talk about it again in 3 months to evaluate our situation.  

We left it open ....after 3 months we could go for it, or just give it another few months to evaluate again.  No rush...no stress.  It is amazing how much happens in just 3 months.  I knew I was ready.  I was so confused only months  before and all of sudden I just felt it was right.  For those 3 months I saved money, worked at a church nursery, made a bucket list and really thought about what I wanted.  

Just take your time.  If it helps give yourself a set date to talk about it again with your husband, try that.  Do not jump in without feeling ready..but dont totally write it off.  Hope this helps. 

CaliforniaDream87

Its something you have to decide. If you aren't ready, then wait a while. 

Your reasons sound credible (especially living paycheck to paycheck) so your DH should understand.

GL 

bissea83

thanks everyone!  my hubby suggested i read the what to expect before your expecting book to help with the" i don't know how to be a mom worries" and it helped, thank you for the great advise. We plan to make the bucket list and revisit after the new year. i really appreciate the help. good luck to all of you :-)