Will you use a child tether/harness/leash?

nicki731

Have we discussed this before? I'm just curious what opinions people have. I'm betting a lot of people are opposed, including MH and my mom. I don't think I see a problem though... I feel like people have this idea in their head that it's cruel, or treating the child like an animal...We leash our dogs because we want them to stay safe, not run away, and they don't always know better. Isn't it the same with our kids? Plus I feel like it's not really any different than strapping them in a stroller, Beco carrier, or not letting go of their hand ever. I feel like if anything it would give my kid more freedom to run/walk while still being safe and making things a little easier for me.

Thoughts? Opinions?

I might want to get something like this that's a backpack harness:

 

(Afraid I might get flamed for this...)

morsey2011

I really don't see anything wrong with it. I would use one in places where strollers would be hard to maneuver. My niece had a monkey one and it was so cute. She never seemed to mind wearing one. Did you watch the Modern Family episode where Cam and Mitchell disagreed on using one? It was hilarious.

LCass

I remember when we were pregnant there were lots of posters who were very against it.  Personally, I don't like the idea of using a leash for a child (it does make me think of walking a dog), BUT I think that there are situations where not using it is unsafe and therefore far worse than using it.  In a very busy place, somewhere that the traffic is crazy, with a child who refuses to hold your hand/be in a stroller, and I'm sure there are other situations I'm not thinking of.

My mom had a thing that strapped around my wrist and her wrist when I was little.  She used it when we were in shopping malls and places like that.  As you said, it gave me more freedom to move around but still kept me safe.  To me, that's more like an extension of holding hands than a full on leash is.  But if it'll keep Lily safe, you can bet I'll put a leash on her.

KrisM86

I'm not a fan of child leashes. It just makes me think someone is kind of treating their LO like a dog, not a child. I also think some parents use them instead of teaching a child to listen.

That being said, there are situations where I do understand their use. Amusement parks, Disney, etc....those sorts of places. Also for people with twin or triplet toddlers, I get that you have to do whatever it takes to keep track of so many young kids.

nicki731

morsey2011:

I really don't see anything wrong with it. I would use one in places where strollers would be hard to maneuver. My niece had a monkey one and it was so cute. She never seemed to mind wearing one. Did you watch the Modern Family episode where Cam and Mitchell disagreed on using one? It was hilarious.

Yes I did see that episode, I love Modern Family! Too bad I can't put G in huge purple high heels to slow him down

I just figure at some point, he's going to want to walk around with us... He's already getting squirmy in his stroller sometimes.

Fianschneid

I'm of the never say never camp but I'd prefer not to use these. Of course, who knows how adventurous DD is going to get on outings.

aliciaroset

absolutely not.

It's just not my style. 

lkm2006

Nope. I just don't like them.

I've taken him to plenty of crowded places and fortunately for now he still has the stranger danger where he doesn't want to run off if it's crowded. I'm sure in a couple of years I'll understand why parents use them, but I do not ever see myself using them.

pennysuedog

If you have a stubborn child this will not help.  Have you ever tried to walk a cat on a leash?

We had one for Oliver, he was a runner. He would simply lay down on the ground if he wasn't ready to move.  I'm not going to drag my child across the floor so it was a no go.  Oliver was(and still is at times) the most determined, scheming, stubborn child that has ever walked this earth, and way to smart for his own good.   My Mom has said numerous times that that boy would make one hell of an con-artist.  I'm so proud.

I think I would only use a leash for a cooperative kid when you are in a place where they could be easily lost in a crowd (amusement park, airport)  

 

wilsontl19191

Fianschneid:

I'm of the never say never camp but I'd prefer not to use these. Of course, who knows how adventurous DD is going to get on outings.

This!

cantalopes24

As long as someone isn't using it as a way to ignore their kids I don't see the big deal. E is really good about staying close and holding hands but I can say I would probably be dead if my parents hadn't leashed me. They had a wrist to wrist thing and one that hooked onto our boat. I don't remember the wrist thing but I do remember being a runner and distracted.

colliebabe

 I will definitely teach DD to stay with me, but I am not against them.  I would use one in crowded places if needed like pp said. And I don't judge those who use them because I don't know their situation.

My mom used one with me at Disney when I was a kid and people barked at me though. Poor little kid Colleen.

pearblossom

We use one with DD and it is awesome. It is a backpack style, and she loves carrying things in it. I can fit a diaper, my wallet and a sippy in it and not have to bring a purse.

Just want to reiterate that the type of parent you are or would like to be has no bearing on the type of 2 year old you will get. A leash may not be "your style", but a stroller may not be theirs. Teaching them to listen is great, but it is a long process and comes after they've already learned to run. 

Is running through the mall with one tit out and your newborn in your arms because your toddler escaped more your style? Because that's the incident that earned my kid her leash.

nicki731

pearblossom:

We use one with DD and it is awesome. It is a backpack style, and she loves carrying things in it. I can fit a diaper, my wallet and a sippy in it and not have to bring a purse.

Just want to reiterate that the type of parent you are or would like to be has no bearing on the type of 2 year old you will get. A leash may not be "your style", but a stroller may not be theirs. Teaching them to listen is great, but it is a long process and comes after they've already learned to run. 

Is running through the mall with one tit out and your newborn in your arms because your toddler escaped more your style? Because that's the incident that earned my kid her leash.

I appreciate all the responses but yours made me laugh out loud Pear. I especially appreciate the bolded with your BDTD insight and practicality about these things!

pennysuedog

pearblossom:

We use one with DD and it is awesome. It is a backpack style, and she loves carrying things in it. I can fit a diaper, my wallet and a sippy in it and not have to bring a purse.

Just want to reiterate that the type of parent you are or would like to be has no bearing on the type of 2 year old you will get. A leash may not be "your style", but a stroller may not be theirs. Teaching them to listen is great, but it is a long process and comes after they've already learned to run. 

Is running through the mall with one tit out and your newborn in your arms because your toddler escaped more your style? Because that's the incident that earned my kid her leash.

Ha!  Love it.

Good little babies do not equal good little toddlers.  I have yet to meet a reasonable toddler!

LCass

pearblossom:

We use one with DD and it is awesome. It is a backpack style, and she loves carrying things in it. I can fit a diaper, my wallet and a sippy in it and not have to bring a purse.

Just want to reiterate that the type of parent you are or would like to be has no bearing on the type of 2 year old you will get. A leash may not be "your style", but a stroller may not be theirs. Teaching them to listen is great, but it is a long process and comes after they've already learned to run. 

Is running through the mall with one tit out and your newborn in your arms because your toddler escaped more your style? Because that's the incident that earned my kid her leash.

Ha!  Love this story (and can totally picture it happening), and I love the way you stated the bolded.  It's so true, and something that's really hard for us parents to accept sometimes.

sharksfan

I really want to not use one, but I'm a firm believer in never say never.  That being said, I do think that some (not all) people use them as a way to not pay as much attention to their children, and that disgusts me.  I was at Disney World a few years ago.  It was kind of cold and rainy, so not very busy at all-no lines (glorious!).  There was a woman sitting on a bench, eating an ice cream cone, while her child (I'm guessing 2.5-3year old) was on her hands and knees on the ground (covered in puddles) screaming and crying, wearing a child leash.  Now, I don't know the mom's situation, and I'm all about letting your kids have a temper tantrum if they don't get their way.  But, this situation just seemed like too much for me and turned me off the child leash for a long time.  Again, I'm not flaming anyone that uses them, I'm just saying that for me it would be a last resort.

pearblossom

colleenb262:

My mom used one with me at Disney when I was a kid and people barked at me though. Poor little kid Colleen.

This made me lol. But really, likening a kid to a dog is only offensive to adults. Kids just think it is playing pretend. When DD wears her leash she tends to dawdle and look at things so I call her the pokey little puppy. She thinks it is hilarious. She barks at people and asks them if she is a cute puppy.

Ariana2O11

I never judged but always felt uneasy about seeing one on a kid prior to having DS. Now that DS is walking (actually running) and wants to explore everywhere, I'm not opposed to getting one if we went to crowded places such as Disneyland.

diego299

LCass:

I remember when we were pregnant there were lots of posters who were very against it.  Personally, I don't like the idea of using a leash for a child (it does make me think of walking a dog), BUT I think that there are situations where not using it is unsafe and therefore far worse than using it.  In a very busy place, somewhere that the traffic is crazy, with a child who refuses to hold your hand/be in a stroller, and I'm sure there are other situations I'm not thinking of.

My mom had a thing that strapped around my wrist and her wrist when I was little.  She used it when we were in shopping malls and places like that.  As you said, it gave me more freedom to move around but still kept me safe.  To me, that's more like an extension of holding hands than a full on leash is.  But if it'll keep Lily safe, you can bet I'll put a leash on her.

This. I was a VERY active child and it was a necessity.

I have no issues with them and will probably use one on Graydon.

Scramblersmom

I am not a fan at all. I feel strongly that the kids just need to be taught to stay nearby or face serious consequences. On the other hand, I am not going to flame you for it at all. You have to do whatever works best for your family.

btsrc5

I am not planning on it, but never say never, right?

PurpleDrewbie5

Eh. I am also in the never say never camp but I am pretty sure I won't ever use one of these. I think they can be good if

1.) you're in a crowded area like airport amusement park

and

2.)you're with more than one child and the child on the harness/leash/backback deal is a non-listening runner/dare devil type.

I know a few people who use them ALL the time. At the church picnic, at a wedding, at the park, in a restaurant, basically they're just too lazy to watch/play with their child.

pearblossom

smit5009:

I am not a fan at all. I feel strongly that the kids just need to be taught to stay nearby or face serious consequences. On the other hand, I am not going to flame you for it at all. You have to do whatever works best for your family.

I hope you realize that a 2 year old has very little impulse control? A small toddler who runs off isn't being willfully disobedient, they are following their natural instinct to learn and explore their world. A small child is not mentally capable of remembering one incident where they faced "serious consequences" and deterring themselves from running off. The teaching process takes a long time. This means you will be doling out those serious consequences over and over for months. And what are those serious consequences? leaving the activity? What if you need to get your shopping done? What if you have another child who then has to be punished too?

I'm not trying to be a biitch about this, I am trying to give a realistic point of view. People who are opposed to leashes because of some abstract, self serving parenting theory is one of my major pet peeves. If you don't end up needing one, great. But they are a practical and useful tool in keeping a child happy and safe, and acting like anything more is an adult hangup.

ababymaybe

I pretty much expect I will need one. DS wanders off all the time at playgroup and other activities. I will try not to be too reliant on it but he is VERY active and I know he won't tolerate the stroller much as his walking improves.

aliciaroset

We will continue to use carriers when we're in the kinds of situations you're describing, and we don't plan to have another LO anytime soon. (I can see how that would really complicate things.)

I'm also of the never say never camp, but when I say that it's not my style what I mean is it doesn't fit into how I plan to deal with the situation when it arises. It's a matter of personal preference. Leashes are not required. They might be very helpful but they're not a necessity. I'm not saying 100% I'll never consider it but it's very unlikely.  I by no means judge anybody who has chosen to use them for the kids.

I used to look at parents with them and think that they were just being lazy (and I am convinced some are) but now that I'm a parent I realize that you can't judge individual actions of parents because you don't have the context to understand. So what might look like negligence to me may really be a parent with a runner.

 

pearblossom

I just really don't see how a harness is fundamentally different from a carrier or a stroller? That is an honest question.

And on a less diplomatic note, let me know how wearing your 30 lb, 27 month old who wants to walk works out for you.

blu-eyedwife

pearblossom:

I hope you realize that a 2 year old has very little impulse control? A small toddler who runs off isn't being willfully disobedient, they are following their natural instinct to learn and explore their world. A small child is not mentally capable of remembering one incident where they faced "serious consequences" and deterring themselves from running off. The teaching process takes a long time. This means you will be doling out those serious consequences over and over for months. And what are those serious consequences? leaving the activity? What if you need to get your shopping done? What if you have another child who then has to be punished too?

Honestly - this is exactly what my parents did with my brother and I.  Tantrums/not listening/attempting to run off?  We left the activity.  And that included places like Disney World.   For things like shopping, they'd have to find another time, or one parent could stay, or a babysitter could be arranged.  "Going out" was a treat and certain behavior was expected.  If you couldn't/didn't behave, then you didn't get to go.  And maybe it's because my dad was so much fun, or the activities were so much fun, that I wanted to go and be there.  I was a defiant POS as a toddler, and I still behaved when we were out, because I wanted to be where we were and I knew we'd leave if I didn't.

 

I don't see myself using a leash, because I feel like I have enough other options in my arsenal between the babywearing, stroller, and doing things without LBB.   We've already started working on "listening" because he does like to wander in whatever direction he wants, and he's learning that if he wants to walk, he has to do it with me or he gets picked up.

aliciaroset

blu-eyedwife:

pearblossom:

I hope you realize that a 2 year old has very little impulse control? A small toddler who runs off isn't being willfully disobedient, they are following their natural instinct to learn and explore their world. A small child is not mentally capable of remembering one incident where they faced "serious consequences" and deterring themselves from running off. The teaching process takes a long time. This means you will be doling out those serious consequences over and over for months. And what are those serious consequences? leaving the activity? What if you need to get your shopping done? What if you have another child who then has to be punished too?

Honestly - this is exactly what my parents did with my brother and I.  Tantrums/not listening/attempting to run off?  We left the activity.  And that included places like Disney World.   For things like shopping, they'd have to find another time, or one parent could stay, or a babysitter could be arranged.  "Going out" was a treat and certain behavior was expected.  If you couldn't/didn't behave, then you didn't get to go.  And maybe it's because my dad was so much fun, or the activities were so much fun, that I wanted to go and be there.  I was a defiant POS as a toddler, and I still behaved when we were out, because I wanted to be where we were and I knew we'd leave if I didn't.

 

I don't see myself using a leash, because I feel like I have enough other options in my arsenal between the babywearing, stroller, and doing things without LBB.   We've already started working on "listening" because he does like to wander in whatever direction he wants, and he's learning that if he wants to walk, he has to do it with me or he gets picked up.

Ditto this. And my DD actually really loves being carried and hates her stroller. The moment I pull out the boba she calms down. 

 ETA: the difference between a leash and a carrier is that your kid gets to be on you, and physical touch can be very calming for both parties.  It also allows them to be up higher at your level so they can experience things in a different way. 

The main difference between strollers and leashes is that the kid can pass out in the stroller or just rest when they  might be tired (and strollers can carry stuff, too.)  We barely use our strollers, only for long walks to the grocery store or when I take her on a run.

pearblossom

aliciaroset:

Ditto this. And my DD actually really loves being carried and hates her stroller. The moment I pull out the boba she calms down. 

 ETA: the difference between a leash and a carrier is that your kid gets to be on you, and physical touch can be very calming for both parties.  It also allows them to be up higher at your level so they can experience things in a different way. 

The main difference between strollers and leashes is that the kid can pass out in the stroller or just rest when they  might be tired (and strollers can carry stuff, too.)  We barely use our strollers, only for long walks to the grocery store or when I take her on a run.

This is all great, but I'd like to point out the benefits of a child getting exercise, freedom of movement and independence that come with a harness. Sometimes a child doesn't need calming, they need to RUN in circles around you.

Like Blu said, all of these are valuable tools to have in an arsenal. That doesn't make a leash or a carrier any better than the other, just better suited to a particular child in a certain situation. I completely agree with teaching a child to listen, but there is a gap between them learning to run and developing that reasoning capability. There are many small steps in getting a child to a reasonable state of mind, and a harness can be an excellent stepping stone. 

I know I'm harping on this, but again- it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Somewhere along the way I made it my Bump life's work to challenge the leash haters to see things differently. 

cantalopes24

pearblossom:

aliciaroset:

Ditto this. And my DD actually really loves being carried and hates her stroller. The moment I pull out the boba she calms down. 

 ETA: the difference between a leash and a carrier is that your kid gets to be on you, and physical touch can be very calming for both parties.  It also allows them to be up higher at your level so they can experience things in a different way. 

The main difference between strollers and leashes is that the kid can pass out in the stroller or just rest when they  might be tired (and strollers can carry stuff, too.)  We barely use our strollers, only for long walks to the grocery store or when I take her on a run.

This is all great, but I'd like to point out the benefits of a child getting exercise, freedom of movement and independence that come with a harness. Sometimes a child doesn't need calming, they need to RUN in circles around you.

Like Blu said, all of these are valuable tools to have in an arsenal. That doesn't make a leash or a carrier any better than the other, just better suited to a particular child in a certain situation. I completely agree with teaching a child to listen, but there is a gap between them learning to run and developing that reasoning capability. There are many small steps in getting a child to a reasonable state of mind, and a harness can be an excellent stepping stone. 

I know I'm harping on this, but again- it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Somewhere along the way I made it my Bump life's work to challenge the leash haters to see things differently. 

Ask this question next spring or summer and I am willing to bet a lot people are going to have different opinions. Right now they are thinking baby they can pick up and redirect. You can't always redirect an 18 month old to 3 year old and if you leave every single place they act up rather than occasionally catering to them and letting them do what they want (run free) while having limits you are going to have a miserable family and unhappy child. I'm laughing at the thought of someone baby wearing a screaming 3 year old while pregnant or with another small child in a super crowded place or the surprise when they realize how easily a toddler can unstrap themselves from a stroller and bolt in the time it takes them to look into their purse to pull a credit card out. And yes there are kids who you can tell to hold your hand or not wander off and they will listen, but there are just as many kids who don't give an F and/or have the memory of a goldfish.

 

Elsa1984

It's hard to say when it comes to Gator since at this point she doesn't mind being held.

I will say that I used to be totally against them. I still am against them if you are using them to drag your kid around like a dog.... Like I have seen MANY times. But I was against them until my former nanny boys started walking and running. I had to take the oldest, P, to preschool....B and H were of course with me. Each time I would take H out of the car and reach in for B, H would take off running through the parking lot. Due to safety reasons, I got the harness. However, I only used it from the car to the building AND I only used it as a second set of hands. So I was still holding their hands with the strap on my wrist, but was able to let go of their hands to get the other kid in and out of the car or open the doors to the building....without either one of them darting into in parking lot where people were always speeding.

Gipper0809

Pear--I think I have a crush on you. 

I have a very well-behaved 4 year old who has never once run or even walked away from us when out and about.  I don't take much credit for it other than she got strapped into her stroller if she couldn't stay put.  She's just a compliant child.

While it would be awesome if DS1 or DS2 turned out this way, I have realistic expectations.  I will use a leash if it helps me keep my sanity when I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. 

CMonkey515

While I'm not a huge fan of them I'll be using one anyway if DS is a runner or tends to wander off. I totally agree that it will be quite awhile before our kids are able to fully grasp the concept of staying close by. No matter how much you teach them or how many "consequences" they have to face. It will still take time for them to get to the point where they are fully safe and well behaved in public. In the mean time I'd much rather deal with some people side eyeing me for using a harness, and keep my kid safe. I'd also rather give him what independence and excersize I can rather than being cooped up in a stroller or carrier.

pearblossom

Gipper0809:

Pear--I think I have a crush on you. 

I have a very well-behaved 4 year old who has never once run or even walked away from us when out and about.  I don't take much credit for it other than she got strapped into her stroller if she couldn't stay put.  She's just a compliant child.

While it would be awesome if DS1 or DS2 turned out this way, I have realistic expectations.  I will use a leash if it helps me keep my sanity when I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. 

I have heard tales of these kinds of children, but I am sadly incapable of growing one in my own uterus. 

Gipper0809

pearblossom:

Gipper0809:

Pear--I think I have a crush on you. 

I have a very well-behaved 4 year old who has never once run or even walked away from us when out and about.  I don't take much credit for it other than she got strapped into her stroller if she couldn't stay put.  She's just a compliant child.

While it would be awesome if DS1 or DS2 turned out this way, I have realistic expectations.  I will use a leash if it helps me keep my sanity when I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. 

I have heard tales of these kinds of children, but I am sadly incapable of growing one in my own uterus. 

LOL  She is an obedient child but the most ridiculously sensitive and emotional kid I've ever met.  It brings it's own challenges.  Can't wait to see how numbers 2 and 3 turn out!

nicki731

pearblossom:

This is all great, but I'd like to point out the benefits of a child getting exercise, freedom of movement and independence that come with a harness. Sometimes a child doesn't need calming, they need to RUN in circles around you.

Like Blu said, all of these are valuable tools to have in an arsenal. That doesn't make a leash or a carrier any better than the other, just better suited to a particular child in a certain situation. I completely agree with teaching a child to listen, but there is a gap between them learning to run and developing that reasoning capability. There are many small steps in getting a child to a reasonable state of mind, and a harness can be an excellent stepping stone. 

I know I'm harping on this, but again- it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Somewhere along the way I made it my Bump life's work to challenge the leash haters to see things differently. 

Seriously Pear I love your point of view and it confirms what I was already thinking... I didn't mean to ask a hot button question but I will gladly join you in your Bump life's work to challenge the leash haters to see things differently!! First I gotta work on MH. Not that we need the leash now, but I can just see it coming and I don't see the problem with it.

 

christiney06

pennysuedog:

pearblossom:

We use one with DD and it is awesome. It is a backpack style, and she loves carrying things in it. I can fit a diaper, my wallet and a sippy in it and not have to bring a purse.

Just want to reiterate that the type of parent you are or would like to be has no bearing on the type of 2 year old you will get. A leash may not be "your style", but a stroller may not be theirs. Teaching them to listen is great, but it is a long process and comes after they've already learned to run. 

Is running through the mall with one tit out and your newborn in your arms because your toddler escaped more your style? Because that's the incident that earned my kid her leash.

Ha!  Love it.

Good little babies do not equal good little toddlers.  I have yet to meet a reasonable toddler!

exactly!!! I always LOL at all the "i'll just teach her to stay with me" or "no way" responses when this subject comes up.  toddlers just don't listen, not much you can do about it!  DS had the monkey one, it was a friggin' life saver (literally).  

Elsa1984

Somewhere I have a pic of me at the zoo....pushing a double stroller with a 5mo, and a 3mo......and I have 2 year old TWINS and a 3 year old....harnessed. I felt it was perfect for this thread but I cannot find it! Haha

101Mims

pearblossom:

I just really don't see how a harness is fundamentally different from a carrier or a stroller? That is an honest question.

And on a less diplomatic note, let me know how wearing your 30 lb, 27 month old who wants to walk works out for you.

We have one for Tai - who is already over 30lbs and wanting to walk everywhere now. It?s either keep him in his pram and he gets no chance to walk and explore, or have Dh wear him all the time, which is isnt fun for either of them.

We wld much rather have Tai wear a light harness with reins  and allow him to get about under his steam, explore and interact, than keep him cooped up.

Obviously he is only just 1yr old so he cant really talk, doesnt have a sense of danger, and is only just learning to respond to commands. His harness/reins keeps him SAFE & HAPPY. and that?s just the way we like it.

AngLK987

We got one as a shower gift, MH is dead set against it, I however, am more in the camp that if I thought we needed it (say at an amusement park, the fair, or someplace else crowded) I would use it in order for her not to get lost/run off. I'd rather look like a bad parent with a safe kid, than be a bad parent who lost their kid.

ETA**Not saying anyone who doesn't use it is a bad parent, saying someone who loses their kid looks like a bad parent (but may not be, bad things happen to good people) **