Explaining death to a 2 year old.

Flem052204

My grandpa died this week.  He and my DD loved each other very much.   My DD had not seen him in about 6 weeks because he was in the hospital and due to his condition, she was not allowed into the infection control unit.  She has mentioned several times that she is sad because she misses grandpa.  She knew that he was sick and that he was at the hospital so that the doctors could take care of him.

Well, now that he has passed, I am wondering what to tell her.  I don't think she needs an explanation about death.  But I am having a hard time explaining her grandpa's absence.  We were at his house today, looking to see if there was anything there we wanted to keep before the house is emptied and sold.  Of course she wanted to know where grandpa is.

So far we have told her that grandpa has gone to live with Grandpa Jim and Jesus in heaven because he will feel much better there.

We're getting a lot of "why can't he feel better here?" type questions.  I am worried that my original answer about grandpa Jim, Jesus and heaven may just have set us up for more confusion.  Is there a better way I could have handled this?

Katy goes to church with us each week and reads her children's Bible.  She knows we pray to Jesus each night and she often sings songs about how Jesus loves us, etc.  I'm not really concernd about the Jesus part of my answer to Katy--it's the "where are they and why can't they all come here?" part that is a problem.

Sahara6971

I am so sorry. I don't know what to tell you other than keep saying that it is ok to miss him and that he is in heaven.

aggielady

I am so sorry for your loss.   My dd loves her papa too, so dreading that day.  I think you handled it very well, and better than I am likely to handle it.  Maybe ask the church for some guidance on the questions at hand.  I am so bad with these things.  Good luck, and my thoughts are with your family.  Good for you for going to church every weekend, we have got to get better with this!

HuskerLissa

I'm so sorry! 

Just tell her Grandpa is in heaven.  Tell her Mommy is sad and that Mommy may cry, its ok.  Leave it at that.

elm1032004

I would tell your DD that grampa is up in heaven and he is happy and not sick anymore.  Tell her that she has a special angel in heaven watching over her and that someday she will see him again, but heaven is very far away too far to get there by car or airplane.  Good luck, it's very hard for a child to comprehend things like this.  I'm also very sorry for your loss.

marchbaby

My grandmother died when my son was 2 1/2 and he didn't really question things as much as I thought.  I think toddlers are in the here and now more often then most.  He asked one or twice on the way to her house if we were going to memere.  I told him no, memere is in heaven now.  He didn't question that, and after that one or two times he hasn't asked.  He also didn't recognize her in a picture recently

Expecting0207

I'm not sure what to say - I've googled this before and I think there are some good articles - but from what I read I only retained what NOT to say.  Do not say he went to sleep and never woke up or anything about sleeping because that will cause her to fear sleep for herself, or for you.

mommyof4boys

My grandfather passed in April.  We told our twins that he went to a place called heaven where he wasn't going to be sick anymore.  I think it was harder on Josh than the twins.

jnicks19

My Dad passed away almost a year ago.  He actually went into the hospital on DD's 2nd birthday.  He was dead one month later, so it was very sudden for us.  It's not like he was sick for months and we had time to prepare.

DD was able to see him in the hospital a lot.  We had just moved near my family 2 months before and she had grown very close to my Dad.  It go to a point where he was in ICU and she wasn't able to visit anymore.  She knew she wasn't allowed to see him and then he passed away.  DD was super verbal and mature for 2.  We didn't really tell her anything, especially right away.  I knew if I told her that papa had "died" or any other form ("gone to heaven" etc).  That would be all I would hear.  "Why did papa die"??? etc.  Personally, after losing my Dad unexpectedly, I knew I couldn't handle that.

She talked about my Dad every single day for 6 months.  I would just say "yes, papa was sick", "we can't see him now"  and some other standard answers.  It may not have been the best way to deal, but it was what I had to do for me at that time.  I have taken her to the cemetary and I tell her "this is where we come to remember Papa" and we talk about all the things we loved about him.  We look at pictures constantly. 

I think soon she may be ready to hear more about death but I'm not sure how exactly to explain it.  I know there's books out there dealing with this and I plan to get one to help us. 

jnicks19

Also, I'm very sorry for your loss.  ((HUGS))

aggielady

This post just makes me sad, I mean, it is hard enough for me to come to terms with, let alone a 2 year old.  I really admire you for being so strong and able to deal with this with your child.