Sad for my kiddo

CFjo2010

My son found out DC, SM and his grandmother have been in Vegas (they live in TN) since last week.  He told me this morning about their posts on FB about how "great it is to visit family we don't get to see enough" and all the pictures they've been posting.  Then he said, "it's nice that they're only a few hours away and didn't come see us". He goes on to tell me that his sister would be really upset and he doesn't want her to find out.  How sad is that? Here is this amazing 13 year-old who has been hurt and let down by his father more times than anyone deserves, and instead of expressing how hurt and angry he is his first response is to protect his little sister who he doesn't even like most of the time.

This amazing young man has 3 Honors classes and he's getting A's in all 3. Plus he has band and football. How can any parent not be proud of that and not want to be involved in something so amazing?  How can he not want to see his children? How can he not want to be a part of their lives? How can he not want to experience them doing cheer and football and band and tumbling? It would have meant so much to the kids if he had come out to their games this weekend. Instead he chose to stay in Vegas and hide from them.  And it makes me sick and angry and sad for my children.  They deserve so much better.

I seriously want to drive to Vegas and beat all 3 of them. That whole family disgusts me.

Holly_1007

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

exactly. 

jo- at first i couldnt figure out who DC was... is his new name douche canoe?  lol

your son sounds like such a great kid, you should be so proud, clearly you are doing something right!

CFjo2010

holly71087:

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

exactly. 

jo- at first i couldnt figure out who DC was... is his new name douche canoe?  lol

your son sounds like such a great kid, you should be so proud, clearly you are doing something right!

Yup.  He is now Douche Canoe.  However, for the sake of keeping things "clean" I shorten it to DC 

CFjo2010

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

I know what you're saying is true.  And I know that one day DC is going to try and come around and "make things up" to the kids, but by then they'll have moved on and will literally have no need for him.  It's already happening.  My son will only refer to DC by his first name or "Your ex-husband" and calls my husband "dad".  My daughter asked to go to the Father-Daughter dance with my husband and tells everyone he's pretty much her "real dad" because her "other dad" doesn't care.  I don't know if I should be sad that the kids no longer have any illusions about the type of person DC is, or happy that they're wise enough and aware enough to see him for what he really is.

Hopeforthebest

Yep you have an amazing kid on your hands. That is so sweet of him and really shows character.Xtra big hugs to him. Sorry his dad is a DC...his loss.

Kaeldrasmommy

jobalchak:

holly71087:

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

exactly. 

jo- at first i couldnt figure out who DC was... is his new name douche canoe?  lol

your son sounds like such a great kid, you should be so proud, clearly you are doing something right!

Yup.  He is now Douche Canoe.  However, for the sake of keeping things "clean" I shorten it to DC 

Darn, I really liked Douche Lord. I'm so sorry for you and your kids. Some people just need to be beaten.

KTdidit

jobalchak:

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

I know what you're saying is true.  And I know that one day DC is going to try and come around and "make things up" to the kids, but by then they'll have moved on and will literally have no need for him.  It's already happening.  My son will only refer to DC by his first name or "Your ex-husband" and calls my husband "dad".  My daughter asked to go to the Father-Daughter dance with my husband and tells everyone he's pretty much her "real dad" because her "other dad" doesn't care.  I don't know if I should be sad that the kids no longer have any illusions about the type of person DC is, or happy that they're wise enough and aware enough to see him for what he really is.

I second the first set of bolded. Kids know who is there for them and who isn't.

As for the second set of bolded, it is a sad thing when kids start to "get it". But you should be happy that they have YH that loves them and is their dad for all intents and purposes. And also that your DS is being so mature about it and not acting out in horrible ways. He seems like a fine young man and you should be so incredibly proud of him!

karatechrissy

Save yourself the drive. I live here. Just give me an address. ;. I think your son sounds like an incredible young man. While it is sad, it's probably better he didn't come. I say that because of his track record w being a douche canoe and basically terrorizing your children whenever they see him. Just be sure little man talks to you. Try to open windows of opportunity to let him get out his feelings so he doesn't have to hide them. He wants to be the cool 13 yr old that nothing bothers him. I know you know he is hurting on the inside, I just wanted to say it.

J&A2008

They do deserve better, and they've got it with you and DH.

I struggle with the same feelings.  I think a lot of it is shame on their part, and not being involved is the easy route.  If they get involved, they have to face up to their past mistakes, deal with a really awkward relationship with the child they abandoned, and possibly answer some really tough, unanswerable questions.

twister22

J&A2008:

They do deserve better, and they've got it with you and DH.

I struggle with the same feelings.  I think a lot of it is shame on their part, and not being involved is the easy route.  If they get involved, they have to face up to their past mistakes, deal with a really awkward relationship with the child they abandoned, and possibly answer some really tough, unanswerable questions.

They sure do jo. Your sound does sound amazing, and he knows who the stable, loving family is. I agree that DC will likely try to "make it up" to them when they're older, but it sounds like your DS really doesn't care about his BS and won't take it. It honestly drives me bonkers when kids have a sh*tty parent growing up and then when the kid is grown that parent magically wants to be there for them and has a sob story and the kid feeds right into it. Sorry, unnecessary tangent.. 

FutureMrsWittig

That man has got some serious bad juju heading his way.  I can't wait til he's old and wondering why his kids never call or some visit.  Bastard.

Amores0121

jobalchak:

wendilea:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  I know exactly how you feel.  I want to throttle Dink on a routine basis.  In the end, it's the dads that will suffer because these amazing kids will grow up and treat them exactly how they've been treated.

I know what you're saying is true.  And I know that one day DC is going to try and come around and "make things up" to the kids, but by then they'll have moved on and will literally have no need for him.  It's already happening.  My son will only refer to DC by his first name or "Your ex-husband" and calls my husband "dad".  My daughter asked to go to the Father-Daughter dance with my husband and tells everyone he's pretty much her "real dad" because her "other dad" doesn't care.  I don't know if I should be sad that the kids no longer have any illusions about the type of person DC is, or happy that they're wise enough and aware enough to see him for what he really is.

It is sad but at the same time it's good that they don't have their hopes up anymore because then it just hurts them more when he lets them down. Glad you have a husband who cares so much for them. My daughter also calls MH "Papi" but has told other  people that he's not her "real dad".  I try to tell her we know he's not your real dad, but he does everything a real dad should....how old is your daughter? I am wondering what age they can begin to grasp the fact that their fathers are idiots and don't care. 

 

kali55

How heart breaking for your son!