Late Term and Child Loss

Tips please

My nephew was born at 24 weeks and passed away today, after 48 hours. I want to be there for my sister in law and her husband.

Question is, what was it you wanted/needed most during this time? More than the words I mean, but what type of physical help can I be to them? Anything to help them mourn and not have to worry about anything else.

Thank you,

Andrea

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Re: Tips please

  • Bring them meals. The last thing I wanted to think about was cooking and eating. At the top of the page is a link to our blog where some if the ladies have given great suggestions for what to do and what not to do. I am so sorry for your family's loss.
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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your nephew. I agree with pp about bringing them meals. In the first few weeks if my family didn't bring me food I don't think I would have eaten anything. I don't think there's much you can do for them other than making sure they know you care. A few close friends still send me texts every once in a while just saying that they're thinking of me..it means a lot.

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  • I am so sorry for your families loss...

    I would also agree food...and also maybe someone to clean their house. But not just food the first week...I would say bring a meal once a week for a bit...it is almost guaranteed that they will not ask for help, or say they are ok, but it is almost also guaranteed that isn't the truth...after a few weeks I feel like I have needed to put on this brave face and act like I've moved on and I most certainly haven't....

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  • I also agree with food. When I had my loss in August, some family friends brought food by, and it helped so much. Just try to give them some space right now as well as they process things. I'm so, so sorry for your family's loss.
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  • All the suggestions so far are good. I appreciated the food. Some people brought food to eat right away others gave us frozen foods (like a sampler from Omaha Steaks) to eat later. Having someone to help with light cleaning/dishes would be a help. Also, if they have pets someone to help walk the dogs, play with the dogs, play with the cats, empty the cat boxes would be a help. Also just being available to listen is a help.
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  • I agree with all of the PPs but I am going to mention something that I would have found incredibly helpful even though it may completely depend on the person. We had to make arrangements and the hospital gave us a massive list of places to contact. We had three days to complete this and did not have a personal funeral home. For both my DH and myself having to make these calls was brutal. I could not verbally state why were calling without crying.  If someone had offered to help make the calls we would have gladly gave them a list of questions to ask. 

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  • image buggirl72:
    I agree with all of the PPs but I am going to mention something that I would have found incredibly helpful even though it may completely depend on the person. We had to make arrangements and the hospital gave us a massive list of places to contact. We had three days to complete this and did not have a personal funeral home. For both my DH and myself having to make these calls was brutal. I could not verbally state why were calling without crying.  If someone had offered to help make the calls we would have gladly gave them a list of questions to ask. 

     

    I had not even thought about that part of it. Thank you so much! I definitely plan to be cooking.

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  • I'm going to offer another sort of off-the-wall suggestion.  Go grocery shopping for them.  Either do it for them or offer to go with your sister-in-law.  DH's grandparents did this for us right after and at the time I thought it was odd until a few days later when everyone was gone and I needed milk - opened my fridge and there it was!  Grocery shopping can be difficult for us loss mommies.  Between all the babies, the baby aisle and the music they play in the stores, everything is a massive trigger.  Offering to go with at least can help keep her mind occupied or allow her someone to lean on if she starts to lose it.  So sorry for the loss of your nephew.

     

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