WWYD? Work or SAHM — The Bump
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WWYD? Work or SAHM

I haven't posted here in forever and didn't even know my password, but apparently it's saved. Anyways, I have something's changing in my work environment right now. I'll be rolling off my current project , that I have been working on for over 5 years, by the end of the year if not sooner. The great part of this assignment has been it is 100 remote/virtual/from home. I may be able to find another role within my current company, but it may/may not be working remotely.

After reading the other post about "don't know how you do it" with working moms/sahm with husbands that travel really hit home. The hubs travels at least once a month for 3 to 5 days at a time, e.g. he's got 5 more trips for the rest of this year alone.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide what I will do...take another role/project where I will most likely have to drive to an office could be anywhere in the metro atl area, only take a role or find another job that I can work from home, or quit work altogether and become a sahm...for at least some period of time.

What would you do, if you could? Is there anyone out there that would still try to work somehow/someway...or am I the only mom that is scared to death to be a sahm for many many random reasons...

Love to hear your thoughts ladies!

This is Emily, aka soon2b3 old school alias!

Re: WWYD? Work or SAHM

  •  I would be a sahm no questions asked! My husband now travels at least once a month and sometimes more. I do the best I can working and being a mom but honestly I don't think I do either very good especially when DH is traveling.
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  • My dh travels all the time and when I was working, the stress was awful and it was bad on our home life.  As Ethan was getting closer to finishing pre-k, I told dh that I just couldn't see myself continuing to work.  I could tell that my working was hard on my boys (who were in daycare at least 10 hours a day).  Fortunately, for us, dh was courted by another company and he received a substantial raise from his new job which allowed me to quit my job at the end of June.  Still, we do not make what we did when I was working, and it's been a really hard adjustment for me not to just go out and buy whatever I want or do whatever I want.  I will tell you, though, staying at home has been really hard on me and it's been a difficult adjustment.  I enjoyed working, enjoyed making my own money, and I enjoyed being with adults.  All that has changed and it's been a hard adjustment.  Being a SAHM can be depressing and lonely, at least it has for me.  I'm in the process of trying to find more things to do while my boys are in school.  BUT with all that being said, I have seen a huge difference in my boys since I am staying at home.  Both seem to be much happier and that, alone, has made me happy with my decision.  Good luck, Emily!  I know this is a tough decision.
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  • Is there anyway you can make a final decision once you find out your next project?  Is there any way you could do part time in office if its not a remote option?

     I chose th sahm route and I have no regrets.  We kind of eased into it, so financially it wasn't as hard, but it is still hard to think where we'd be if I did work.  It is hard like Amanda said, but I've grown to love it. 

     I now also sell 31 and have started an embroidery business so I have some ME time and a little extra spending money.

     

  • kegkeg member
    I think a lot has to do with what *you* really want to do.  My husband doesn't travel, but does do the M-F 9 to 5 thing plus works two weekends a month (often 10 hour days), so I'm used to doing a good bit with DDs on my own.  For me, I think I would go crazy as a SAHM.  I think DDs and I both do better when we're not together 24-7.  Even with #3 on the way, I still plan to go back to work.  However, I am in a situation where I don't have a crazy commute (only about 20 minutes with no interstate), I have a very flexible and supportive boss, great coworkers, and DDs are in a daycare we all love and is right near work.  I'll be honest too--my parents were divorced after 25ish years and my mom, who had been a SAHM, had to go back and take classes, do internships, etc because she had been out of her field for so long.  I don't want to be in that situation and want to be able to financially support my family if necessary.
    2004-Started TTC; Nov 2007-Lap with endo removed; Jan 2008-Ectopic (mtx); April 2008-IVF #1 (bfp, twin girls); March 2011-FET (cp); June 2012-IVF #2 (bfp, singleton, EDD 3-19-12)

    ***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***

  • I LOVE staying home.  It would literally take wild horses to drag me back to work and put my kids in daycare.  It may well be the second best decision of my life after marrying DH.  :)  I don't have a side job yet but there are some things I am working up the nerve to try.  But what Amanda said about being lonely, missing moolah, and rewards of a good day at work are true.  I do understand the career moms though.  Its what they want to do and there is nothing wrong with that.  Their kids are not unhappy, they participate in activities and although time for their own social lives is short they make it work.  In fact most of my friends are awesome career moms who feel like staying home is not for them.  So, I say you just try to decide what you really want and go for it.
  • Hey Emily!!! I would wait and see if you could possible work from home a couple days a week or see if you can go part-time. I think part-time would give you the benefit of both worlds without the daily commute and stress.  I would 2 days a week from home and it may go to 3 days soon but this is the only way I have half way maintained my sanity. I think I would have checked myself in the nut house without my work at home days and flexible schedule and even then I'm close to crazy lol.

  • Hi Emily!

    My advice is to take some time as a SAHM and figure out your next move.

     I say this because after Trevor was born the company I had been with for 8 years allowed me to go down to 15 hours a week. I was in the office 6-9 hours and did the rest from home. It was the best of both worlds and I loved it. I had a feeling my days were numbered though, and recently there was a big layoff, so I was probably right.

    Anyhow, due to this feeling I accepted an offer of full time employment about 6 months ago. I like my job, but there is a bit of a commute involved, there is a large workload, and it is very stressful. My husband is most always home and does a lot to help out and I still feel stressed out a lot of the time. I too have an irrational fear of  being a full fledged SAHM, but I now wish I had taken some time to stay home with T and C and search for a part-time position that was a better fit.

    Good luck with your decision!

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  • If I could afford to be a sahm, I would.  Time with the kids is priceless.

    I'm a working mom.  I travel over an hour each way to work.  That is two hours of my precious time daily that I loose.  I'm not trying to scare you or anything.  I enjoy my job and for the most part like it.  But, I miss my kids.

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  • Hey girl! 

    I would not sign up to work full time in an office if I had the option of not doing it.  I work part-time while the kids are in school.  I can take them both in the morning and pick them up in the afternoons.  It's nice, but the issues are that I'm not really available to take time off during their school day to help with fieldtrips, class volunteering, etc.  I mean, everynow and then but overall it's hassle.  And then also taking off for a sick child really stinks because as a pt employee I don't have any paid vacation or sick leave. 

    Can you take some time off until another work from home opportunity comes up at your company? Even (or especially!) if it's something part-time?

     

  • You girls are still the best! Amanda and keg, you both hit on some of my biggest fears and apprehensions. I'm very indecisive and change adverse to say this least...so this limbo land has me up at nights. I want to do the "right" thing, but my heart and my logic are telling me two different things. I also take things so literally...like I quit my job, as if that's forEVER, when it doesn't have to be...I could quit/sahm for a few months or a few years even. I just worry about how hard it could be to get back INTO the workforce after a gap, but I also know people have done it. I'm so torn, you guys brought up a lot of good ideas and points. Thanks so much!
  • imageemowens:
    You girls are still the best! Amanda and keg, you both hit on some of my biggest fears and apprehensions. I'm very indecisive and change adverse to say this least...so this limbo land has me up at nights. I want to do the "right" thing, but my heart and my logic are telling me two different things. I also take things so literally...like I quit my job, as if that's forEVER, when it doesn't have to be...I could quit/sahm for a few months or a few years even. I just worry about how hard it could be to get back INTO the workforce after a gap, but I also know people have done it. I'm so torn, you guys brought up a lot of good ideas and points. Thanks so much!

    Maybe to help you feel better about it being a short-term, or rather on your terms, start putting some irons in the fire and see what you come up with.  It sounds like to me that you don't want to permanantly be a SAHM and that's fine!  There is no need to feel guilty about that or try to convince yourself that's the right thing to do, you know?  

    I used to have a schedule similar to what KT&John mentioned and it was definitely my ideal situation.

  • For some reason, I'm just now seeing this.  Anyway, I totally understand your delima.  I've always struggled w/ my decision to work full time but for various reasons, I also knew I would be frustrated as a full time SAHM.  I have known since before Gavin was born that I wanted to go part time if the timing/opportunity ever presented itself.  Honestly, I have had such amazing managers that have been willing to allow me to work from home a couple days a week that I've been able to make the full time gig work all this time.  However, I finally made the decision to go part time this year.  I'm "unofficially" part time now actually and it will become official in January.  So far, I'm loving it. I'm particularly glad that I'm doing this now as Gavin is older and moving into school age vs when they were babies.  I know that seems odd to those who are pregnant or still have babies... but now that Gavin is almost 5, I'm realizing that this time is even more critical than the infant stage.  Funny thing is, the more people that I talk to about my decision, the more confirmation I receive that I'm doing the right thing.  So I guess, if I were in your position, I would probably decide to SAH but I would either volunteer somewhere or find a part time paying gig somewhere just to give me that adult interaction and personal fulfillment.

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  • I've done both and I'm happiest working part-time in something that I like to do. Right now I'm SAHM bc I lost my job when we moved to Georgia in July and I've been enjoying my time with my son and getting settled in. We need my income too so I'm hoping to start working again in January, but I'd like something part-time again. If we could afford it I think I would SAHM for a while longer. You sacrifice a lot of quality time with your LO when you work, no matter what people say. I don't think you can have it all, something always falls through the cracks. I watch my mom friends that work full time and they are always stressed and rushed. I really don't want to go back to that if I can help it.
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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