Anyone have one bio child and other sibs = foster/adopt?

PastaFanatic2012

Hi there. I'm new here but I've been lurking.

We are not considering this in the very near future, I want to enjoy just having DD and her babyhood, but I was looking for any experiences or thoughts on having one biological child and any other sibs would be foster children or possibly adopted children.

Technically, DD has a teenage step sister but unfortunately, she is currently not in our lives. In addition, if we do reconcile, she is 16 right now so would never be a sibling in the sense of growing up together, learning to share toys, etc.

I think I have a fear of DD feeling like the 'odd one out.' Basically, the opposite of having two biological children and then having one adopted child. We never know what will happen but we are thinking about the future - saving for private school for DD versus saving for a house (which would allow us to have more children), etc.

Thanks for any input! 

kaitylin

We are thinking about the same thing - fostering other children in a couple years with DD being an only child (or perhaps having another when D is quite a bit older). I think it will be a very positive thing for DD to be around other children and I'm interested to see other peoples responses.

Not really your question but I have a half sister 16 years older who lived with me until I was 2 and then had a falling out with my parents and I didn't see her again until I was in my twenties but now we get along so well and I feel very grateful to have an older sister to call for support and we have become extremely close as adults. I hope your daughter will have the same relationship with her step sister someday.

My sister has 2 bio kids and 2 adopted and there is no tension between her kids thus far and everyone seems to understand that they are all equally loved and equally special parts of the family - they just came to them in different ways. I do think it helps that two are adopted (the younger 2) because they will always be able to lean on each other if they face a time in their lives where they struggle with being adopted. I don't imagine a biological kid would go through that same experience and so I don't worry about DD being the odd one out if we go that route too but I would worry more the other way around...

MayDayGirl

We have a bio child first, then adopted and our youngest is foster. We have planned to adopt the rest of our kids, though recently decided to give ivf another go. But still plan to adopt other kids down the road while continuing to foster we want a big family.

alissim

Hi! I usually just lurk too, but I thought I might be able to help a little. I am the oldest of 8 kids (yep, I said 8!), and I'm only 21. The oldest four, including myself, are all bio related, and then the younger four are all adopted. Two of them are bio siblings, and none of us look alike They are all hawaiian (I grew up in HI).

 In my experience with my family, my adopted siblings (and I NEVER call them that, but to clarify for this post) can easily discuss adoption with eachother knowing they are not alone. We like to joke that there is a 50/50 chance of being adopted in my family, and it's a really, really normal thing for us. So having multiple adopted kids probably helps take down any barriers of uncertainty, since there are others who understand. 

 On the other hand, only having one adopted child could pan out, if they are treated right I suppose. In the end, I view my *adopted* sister the same as my bio sister, and I usually like my 9 yr old chinese sis more than my 16 yr old sis that looks just like me! In a "good" adoptive family, the right amount of openess and love can be enough to make those things not even a problem.

good luck! 

smithpaint

alissim:

Hi! I usually just lurk too, but I thought I might be able to help a little. I am the oldest of 8 kids (yep, I said 8!), and I'm only 21. The oldest four, including myself, are all bio related, and then the younger four are all adopted. Two of them are bio siblings, and none of us look alike They are all hawaiian (I grew up in HI).

 In my experience with my family, my adopted siblings (and I NEVER call them that, but to clarify for this post) can easily discuss adoption with eachother knowing they are not alone. We like to joke that there is a 50/50 chance of being adopted in my family, and it's a really, really normal thing for us. So having multiple adopted kids probably helps take down any barriers of uncertainty, since there are others who understand. 

 On the other hand, only having one adopted child could pan out, if they are treated right I suppose. In the end, I view my *adopted* sister the same as my bio sister, and I usually like my 9 yr old chinese sis more than my 16 yr old sis that looks just like me! In a "good" adoptive family, the right amount of openess and love can be enough to make those things not even a problem.

good luck! 

Thanks for sharing this. We are considering adopting a child.  We have 5 bio kids and would be adopting (most likely) only one child.  I really think that my children would accept their new brother/sister 100%.  Your story makes me think that I could be right about this.

My cousins mom and dad got divorced when they were 9, 7 and 5.  Their mom got remarried.  My new uncle had a son, and then my aunt and uncle had another son.  So there were 5 kids - some step brothers/sisters and one half brother.  They are very close and consider each other brothers/sisters 100%. So I know it's a little different than adoption, but seeing them grow up together helped me believe it is possible.

DaisyZH

This is a great question, my DH actually has the same concern.  We have one DS and would be open to adopting siblings but to be honest I think our home is too small for more than one child so I think it will be a moot point.

Anyway, if we were to have the option I think I would at least keep my mind open to it, especially since my DS is so young.  When kids grow up with things a certain way I feel like they usually acept it as the norm. 

irismorning

I am the only adopted child in my immediate family. I never had any problems with feeling like the odd one out. There are other members of our extended family that are adopted. But, honestly, I never thought of any differences in either my immediate family or my cousins.

PastaFanatic2012

kaitylin:

We are thinking about the same thing - fostering other children in a couple years with DD being an only child (or perhaps having another when D is quite a bit older). I think it will be a very positive thing for DD to be around other children and I'm interested to see other peoples responses.

Not really your question but I have a half sister 16 years older who lived with me until I was 2 and then had a falling out with my parents and I didn't see her again until I was in my twenties but now we get along so well and I feel very grateful to have an older sister to call for support and we have become extremely close as adults. I hope your daughter will have the same relationship with her step sister someday.

My sister has 2 bio kids and 2 adopted and there is no tension between her kids thus far and everyone seems to understand that they are all equally loved and equally special parts of the family - they just came to them in different ways. I do think it helps that two are adopted (the younger 2) because they will always be able to lean on each other if they face a time in their lives where they struggle with being adopted. I don't imagine a biological kid would go through that same experience and so I don't worry about DD being the odd one out if we go that route too but I would worry more the other way around...

I think I'm also suffering from new mom brain. DD doesn't have a step sister, she also has a half sister. I have a stepdaughter. Grrrr lack of brain. LOL :-

Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I have hope SD will eventually be back in our lives someday.

PastaFanatic2012

Thank you all for your thoughts!

pretty much you guys said what FI said, it will depend on how we treat them.

your stories make me hopeful all future kids as well as DD can all be well adjusted, happy and loving kids, no matter how  they make their entrance into the family. Thanks!