need to vent...

beck8008

yeah- this is a "poor me" post, but i just feel the need to vent. 

Right now I'm a SAHM... we're struggling a bit financially, but we're hanging in there.  DH is pretty stressed out about bills and trying to get some house projects done before the winter comes so he's been pretty crabbly lately.  I'm doing everything I can to try to make things better by being frugal and not spending money (I've been using veggies from our garden and being creative with left overs and I haven't had a haircut or bought anything for myself since last year...)

This week he's just been so crabby, we've barely even talked.  I feel like we're both walking on eggshells and just making each other crabbier. 

And to top it off, he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm taking care of LO, I feel like I'm doing a good job, but lately he just doesn't seem interested in how things are going while he's gone- he really doesn't ask what we did that day or how my night was (how many times I had to get up with LO etc...)  It's getting on my nerves and I'm gonna have to have a sit down heart to heart with him pretty soon here...

I know he's stressed- but guess what?  So am I...

OK- vent over- thanks ladies

mylittlesunshine

Does he support the decision for you to be a SAHM?

If not, maybe that is causing the friction...especially since you say money is tight. If you have a heart to heart with him, you might want to be prepared to be open to working (even if it is a pt thing). I know that SAH might be ideal for you, but if you are getting by on a string and it is causing tension in your marriage, maybe you need to re-evaluate. I guess I don't blame the guy for being crabby because I am sure he is extremely stressed out about finances, being that all the pressure to support the family is on him.

If you feel like he isn't appreciating the fact you are with LO all the time, maybe on a day that he has off you need to get leave him with baby for a little bonding time. I am sure he will quickly appreciate all the work you do while you are home with your lo.

Sorry if this came across a little harsh, but I just thought I would share my honest opinion with you. I would love to SAH, but not at the cost of causing friction because of finances or living on a very tight budget.

beck8008

i hear ya- he does want me to SAH right now because daycare is so expensive where we are... last night i did apply for a work from home job, so maybe that will work out... we'll see

mylittlesunshine

Just a word of caution that WFH jobs are often not legit. Most WFH jobs come because you have been with a company for some time and they extend an offer to you to WFH. Another thing to consider is that like any job including WFH, you will probably need someone to watch the baby so you can work. Pretty soon you will be chasing after that baby and you can't really be productive with your work when trying to care for an active baby/toddler.

JessieCupcake

I'm sorry you're both so stressed out.

I agree that maybe a pt job would work well in your situation. Maybe just a couple of evenings a week to bring in some extra money.

I know you said your H hasn't shown appreciation for what you do but have you told him how you appreciate him? Maybe that will get the ball rolling on the conversation you need to have. Just an idea.

I hope things get better for you soon.

APrice

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. I hope things get better for you soon!

Samiantha101

I would def. have a heart to heart with him. Your lives don't seem very sustainable, and I'm not just talking from a monetary view point. You may want to try a pt job or even do Childcare for another mom/dad to bring in extra income, but I would def talk your options out with ydh

anonsouthernbell

:hugs: having a baby is definitely a relationship stressor....

beck8008

i think part of our difficulty right now also is that we moved to a new area (in the middle of nowhere) right before we found out we were pregnant, and we don't know anyone around here... so it's basically just us. 

The job i applied for is a legit one- if it works out, it would be part time and i would work evenings and weekends...

just stressful and frusterating knowing that if I get the job, we still won't really see each other.

I usually ask DH how work was and how is day was etc.. but this week something has just been off and I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me when I try to talk to him... i just get one word answers....

whatever... we'll see what happens- up until this past year our relationship was great- we've been together for 10 years with very few fights- i guess its true that a baby can put some stress on a relationship.  we'll just have to work on it

jamiah18

Moving to a new area and a new baby are both huge changes!
I think a heart to heart is your best best. Dh was crabby a while back and I had no clue why, I thought it was something I did bc he is generally a happygolucky guy. After talking with him, he finally told me it was something that happened at work. Guys seem to be pretty good at keeping their emotions to themselves, which isn't always a good thing. And of course, finances are always a stressful situation.
Good luck and remember what brought you two together in the first place!

notfrancie

I think working dads often take SAHMs for granted.  I work part time, but I get home before DH, so I think he thinks I just sit around in my pajamas and sing "Wheels on the Bus" with a happy baby all day long or something.  Which is ridiculous, because DD can be kind of a handful!  

I am sure the financial stress is wearing on both of you.  Another problem around here is that our love life has not gotten back to normal yet, and I think that makes dudes cranky too... after LO goes to bed, sit him down with a drink and ask him what's up... 

beck8008

notfrancie:

I think working dads often take SAHMs for granted.  I work part time, but I get home before DH, so I think he thinks I just sit around in my pajamas and sing "Wheels on the Bus" with a happy baby all day long or something.  Which is ridiculous, because DD can be kind of a handful!  

I am sure the financial stress is wearing on both of you.  Another problem around here is that our love life has not gotten back to normal yet, and I think that makes dudes cranky too... after LO goes to bed, sit him down with a drink and ask him what's up... 

Yup- same here- i had some extra issues with healing and am just starting to feel back to normal, so we haven't been feeling very close which i think is part of the problem.  I already told him we're having wine and movies tonight so we'll have a chit chat too   Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions

lskay00

So, how did it go?  Did you get to have a talk?  My hubby and I have a great relationship like yours, very few fights.  Usually one of us (mostly me) blows up and gets our feelings out and then we're good for a long time.  Hope that talk helped clear the air and get things a little more back to normal.

P.S.  I'm jealous that you are able to SAH, I would love that:)  Good Luck!  Enjoy that time with your precious one:)