Emotions starting to build (1st bday & rainbow pg mentioned)

weddedwife

Hi ladies,

I'm starting to feel the stress of my son's 1st birthday approaching; it's in 1 month. I don't think anybody IRL will remember and that makes me so incredibly sad.

I'll be 33 weeks pregnant then (FX) and I think I'm just going to be a wreck.

We had some friends over on Saturday, with their 7 month old. He was born about a month after I was due, so we should have a son around that age as well. Watching DD with him was heart wrenching. She wanted to hold him, she wanted to rock him and talked to him very sweetly. She should already be a big sister.

DH held the baby for a while too and it all but broke my heart watching him. He snuggled with that baby and said, "I'm so ready for this". But we were ready last year too.

I know we have another baby on the way, and many, many reasons to be thankful. This pg has been scary and we almost lost this baby too. But we truly wanted our son; he was very much loved. I wish I could've kept ALL of my babies.

Really this post is just a vent. I feel the emotions building up and need to vent them in a place where I know others understand.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.  My son would be 1 on October 28th and I'm already feeling down about it. A lot of our friends had babies around the same time we did so they're all turning 1 and I'm being so bombarded by pictures on FB that I have to walk away from it for a little bit.  To make matters worse, we were at our niece and nephew's birthday party this weekend, which was hard enough but then this girl that we know (not really friends with) came with her 2 kids, one of whom is maybe 3 months old.  No matter how hard I tried to stay away from her, it didn't work as she kept wandering around.  I commend you for being able to have your friends over with their 7 month old.  I still have to ask friends to get a sitter if we're going to get together. 

I'm not even PGAL yet and actually just getting ready to start TTCAL and I'm already a mess thinking about it.  I hate that this our lives now but it is what it is. I hope the coming month is as kind as it can be to you and can't wait to hear that you've had your rainbow.  People like you give me hope.  Wishing you peace and love today and always.

pottermommy

Having another baby will not make you miss Nathaniel any less.  He is your son, he is your everything of course you still miss him. 

The weeks building up to the important dates are nealry as hard as the day itself.  Maybe everyday you could do something small, just for Nathaniel.  Like light a candle, blow a kiss to heaven in the morning, write him a note one day, sing a lulliby to him while you are in the shower.  Just something that lets you know that you are thinking of him and that you do remember. 

My love is with you this month.

cmenasco

I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you thoughts and hugs!  Two of my best friends had their LO the same week we lost ours....I still can't hold them.  It's so hard to be around them but I miss my girlfriends so much!  It hurts that I am always going to have two constant reminders of our loss every time I hang out with my friends.

I hope the day is filled with love and support and it is not too hard for you or your family. 

tuscanbride2007

I am sure having his angelversary coming up and being pregnant with a rainbow is extremely emotional. I have not been around any babies since our loss, so I can't imagine what it would be like to be around one that would be the same age as your son. It so sucks that we will never have all of our children here with us.

((HUGS)) mama!

ally2011

Hugs to you, I think everything you are feeling is very common.  I knew people might forget Grace's birthday, so I didn't give them the chance....I made sure to mention it in advance because I knew I would be resentful if they forgot.  And really, most didn't say much, but the few that did meant a lot.

And I think it was great you were even able to be around a baby that age....there is one in our family and one in our church - both a month older than Grace should be, and I still have a hard time seeing them.  I think you did a great job.

Remember that often times the anticipation of a milestone is worse than the actual day. Maybe try to focus your energy on finding a way to celebrate your son's life that day and perhaps that will give you an outlet?  Lyndsey said on a FB post that she has done a balloon release at night with messages on the balloons and a glow stick inside...I thought that sounded beautiful and sweet.  We donated clothes to Newborns in Need last year for my EDD, which was hard but good.

Thinking of you and looking forward to the day we get to read your birth story and see your sweet baby's pictures!

Hugs,

Jenn 

ETA - I see Lyndsey posted here already....Lydnsey if I am thinking of someone else w/ the glow stick thing, I apologize, I thought it was you and a good idea nonetheless! 

Heatherhah

Wedded-- As you know I just went through our 1 year and I am pregnant. I started to feel the pressure about a month before too. My advice is every day leading up to your angelvesary will be hard trust me I know. But you rreally can't control the feelings just embrace all of the sadness about the loss of Nathaniel and the confusion about being pregnant now. It is the most surreal feeling in the world. You are truly not alone. If you want to chat I am on facebook or even in the group for loss on facebook. Our day came and I started at midnight crying whihc pretty much lasted most of the day on her angelversary. But I tell you I did get through it amd October 1st was a better day for me I was emotionally drained and tired all day but I got through it and so will you.

I am here for you!!

Heather