Today my stepmom said something to me that bothered me and I'm not sure if it's b/c my feelings are still very raw about my son coming early or if what she said was really hurtful. We were upstairs in my house showing her and my father a room that used to be a spare bedroom but we turned it into an office for my husband (this way we could turn my husbands former office into a play room for my DS). I was talking about all the work we had to do to the room b/c there was so much stuff in it. (what was in it was a ton of baby stuff- must of which I received as shower gifts. My water broke the night of my shower and I was in the hospital from that night until my son was born at 31 w 4d). Her response was, "I know- Larry (my fil) brought all of the shower gifts up here. Your father and I were going to do it but he beat us to it. We wanted to do it b/c we didn't know how things would turn out and we didn't want you to come home to all the baby stuff if things didn't go well. You never know how things like that will turn out." I was really taken aback. I mean yes my son came early but the doctors said from the beginning that he should live. And even if that wasn't the case- why would you say something like that??? So, if you've made it this far through my rambling- am I being to sensitive or was that an inappropriate thing to say?
Re: Am I being to sensitive?
If she says it again I'd just say I understand everyone was worried but hearing that is very upsetting. Can you please not mention it again? Or have dh tell her.
The reality is that she was probably scared of that and didn't know quite as much as you and she's still processing those feelings.
Stay strong mama!
My mother made a similar comment to me when I asked her to help put together a nursery for DS2...at about 28 weeks pregnant. My aunt had 2 babies that died shortly after birth, so I guess my mom was thinking along those lines? Either way, she said that she would help me, but that she didnt think it was a good idea, because "you never know what could happen". I didnt really get offended as much as I was plain annoyed. Trust me, I worry enough about my baby and what COULD happen, and I try to keep a positive outlook, so I dont need her to think negatively for me. I just told her that I would hope for the best, and that I would like a nursery set up just IN CASE I did have a baby I could bring home.
Also, I think older people dont understand much about NICU's these days.
I think you are being deservedly sensitive. With that said I dont think you should hold it against her. I have found that family members are often the ones who say the dumbest things, probably because they are dealing with many of the same emotions we are (obviously on a different scale). I think your stepmom was having a moment of wordvomit.
My DD was born at 25 weeks and I found it very difficult to come home to no baby stuff. We had an overwhelming amount of support but almost no one gave us baby related things other than lots and lots of blankets. I assume people felt the same way your stepmom did. They didn't want their gift to be painful if our daughter were to pass away.
www.virginiakkent.blogspot.com
I still get emotional/sensitive... that's why this board is great. everyone here understands!