Are you effing kidding me? (rant) — The Bump
Snarky and T-TTC

Are you effing kidding me? (rant)

I hate to dump a random rant on random people, but I am feeling exceptionally snarky and I don't think any of my non-TTC friends could even fully grasp how annoying this situation is:

Last night, I got a call from my father in law, who really doesn't call us ever, and he started making small talk. It was awkward for a bit and then he proceed to tell me he just wanted to "throw something out there". He recommended that we try using 'Bodytalk' to help with our fertility. I was absolutely shocked because not only have we not told him that we've been TTC for 2.5 years (not sure how he even knows?), but we barely ever hear from the guy. And now he wants to give me advice on my fertility?

I know that this was well-intentioned, but given the lack of contact/closeness we have, I was almost biting through my toungue. Personally, it always feels like people are implying we know nothing and have tried very little (or that we're doing something wrong). Part of me wants to scream at those well-intentioned advice givers "We're not new to this! We know the options! We've read the research! If we wanted to do that, we'd be doing that!". As I said, I know that's hyper-sensitive and super defensive, and I'm fully aware that most people are simply well-intentioned but ignorant... but it's still the way I feel.

Anyways, I managed to stumble through the conversation and say I'd think about it (because I'm obviously passive aggressive) but I still get pissed just thinking about it. I suppose I'm just looking for some validation out there for a frustrated daughter in law receiving clueless advice from a 50 yr old man.

(BTW, no worries that this is something that will fester and cause grief and tear the family apart or anything, I just like to think I've earned the right to be grumpy about it for a few days)

30 yrs, healthy & TTC since April 2010 
DH 32yrs & healthy
*unexplained infertility* 

Regularly access alternative medicine to supplement a lack of resources in our geographical area.
  • Three rounds of clomid (50mg days 3-7) were useless.
  • IUI#1 w/clomid & HCG in May 2013, BFN.
  • IUI#2 w/clomid & HCG on July 23rd. BFN.
  • IUI #3 in August cancelled last minute, due to lab error.
  • IVF#1 - Started Gonal F stims October 13 2013 for IUI. Over-responded with too many follicles, so converted to IVF. Retrieval October 29th - got 5 eggs, 4 fertilized. Had 2 perfect little embryos transferred on day 3 (Nov. 1). The remaining 2 didn't survive to freeze. Got our BFN on November 13th 2013.
  • IVF#2 - Started stims August 21st. Triggered with Suprefact, started on dostinex due to risk of OHSS. Retrieval September 5th - got 27 eggs! 21 embryos on day 3. Embryos deteriorated quickly. ESet 5day blast on Sept 10. No embryos high enough quality to freeze. BFN came Sept. 22.

Reserved a semi-known proven donor in August .

Waiting for consult/screening and protocols with estimated fresh cycle timing in October


Re: Are you effing kidding me? (rant)

  • I'd be pretty grumpy about it too...especially for never really hearing from him! WTH? Hope you've got it all off your chest now though. It never does good to dwell on stupid comments from stupid people. People don't understand how rude it can be to offer "advice". Its like leave me the heck alone...are you a doctor? No? Then bye bye. Thanks! =))
  • People are so freaking rude!!!! :( 

    I was always told that there was nothing wrong with me and I was "missing" the window every month by the few people who knew we were trying. It didn't matter how much I tried to explain that I charted my BBT and KNEW we were not missing the window...they just had no idea what they were talking about. "Oh, relax", "oh, hypothyroidism is nothing, waah waah"...people don't get it. This child wouldn't even be in here if it weren't for soy, my doctor couldn't believe we conceived her! Now I still get stupid comments at work because I got pregnant the month a co-worker gave birth, and how we must have planned it, why did I get pregnant when someone else was, that's rude? I hold my tongue but what I want to keep screaming is "WE BOTH STARTED TRYING THE SAME FREAKING MONTH, IDIOTS!!!! NOT EVERYONE GETS PREGNANT THE SECOND THEY CHOOSE TO!!"


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    awaiting audrey claire 3.13.13
  • image sweetmere:

    Now I still get stupid comments at work because I got pregnant the month a co-worker gave birth, and how we must have planned it, why did I get pregnant when someone else was, that's rude?


    How unbelievable!! How dare you have the audacity to steal the other girl's thunder! Nevermind your own triumph for finally getting preggo!

    To the original poster, I'm so sorry for you. How weird of him. I almost wonder though if he wasn't put up to it by your MIL. Perhaps he's had more conversations with his son than you're aware of? It just seems odd that he would not only have thought this over, but researched ways to help you with it, all on his own. Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a woman thing to do.

  • btw, that was sarcasm, in the first part of my previous ost.... just to clarify....
  • btw, that was sarcasm, in the first part of my previous post.... just to clarify....
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