How to tell MIL nicely...

poobear2015

DD has been being babysat a lot lately with work and weddings and whatnot. And I'm trying REALLY hard to be as nice as possible to MIL. My IL's are doing a lot for us (free babysitting, buying diapers, buying new clothes, etc.) and I appreciate it all greatly. But the woman just doesn't listen to me and I"m not sure how to tell her my "baby directions" AGAIN!

This past week -  she commented on how DD ate her solids so good and she wanted more she was practically licking the bowl! I give them exactly what DD normally eats and usually gets full on. I find out that she was splitting her one lunch meal into 2 separate feeding times. I said to her - well she eats that as one meal. She tells me she doesnt remember me telling her that. I did. Twice. And I guarantee that tomorrow, it happens again.

Now because of these separate meals - DD only drinks about 1 oz maybe 2 of milk - in an 8 hr stretch. MIL is convinced because she is doing solids now - she doesn't need the milk. I've told her repeatedly that she does. I don't think she gives her a bottle every 2 hours like I ask (she snacks). So because of this, she eats almost every hour all night - and doesnt sleep. MIL finds this ridiculous that she's not sleeping because "she's too old to be getting up to eat". Well...if you fed her...hmmm...

I've had to supplement with formula since my pump broke - I can't pump as often with the hand pump. DD isn't a fan of formula. I reminded MIL that after an hour of starting the bottle, it MUST be tossed. She says "o yes - believe it or not, I remember that from when my boys were little". Well then why did you have me retrieve the mixed bottle from the fridge when I returned home? (I give them to her unmixed).

O and last night, when getting her ready for bed, she had flecks of dried poo in a wet diaper (clearly wasn't wiped good enough). But I won't fault them for that. They keep that family room so dim and they are old so it's tough to see. But she now has a HUGE red rash in one of her creases in her legs. But again - that's also my bad for not noticing it earlier and trying to prevent it.

 

SO!

Thanks for getting through my vent - and now - how can I NICELY remind her of all these things? I was thinking to include a sheet of directions with times and what to feed when. But I don't want to seem like I'm saying "your an idiot - I'm the all knowing mama, hear me roar". Or should I just keep asking questions and nicely saying "well, you should have fed her both the baby food and oatmeal at the same time." and "Don't forget - if she doesn't want the formula - it's ok, just chuck it after an hour"

And for reading my short novel - you deserve a treat. 

 

MollySm

I would probably write out a schedule.  Lucia's gramma is always writing down what we tell her about when to do what, and when she doesn't write it down she totally forgets.  She does her best to recreate what I've told her, and I think she thinks she's paying attention, but really she's watching Lucia and smiling more than listening to me.  

I wouldn't make a big deal of it, and definitely don't write too much or she won't get around to reading it all, but just write the times and how much she should be taking/eating.   

Amberrrr

I'd probably type it out. Seriously. Grandma's are forgetful sometimes.

And put it on the refrigerator.

But before putting it on the refrigerator- show her and go over it with her. And then remind her it's there.

Shawnee11507

I would leave a list of directions/times and just say something like "babies are supposed to drink at least 24oz of milk a day at this point and since she isn't, we want to stick to a stricter schedule so her weight/nutrition doesn't fall" or that she's staying up at night because she isn't eating enough during the day, so the schedule needs to be stricter. You could always say the Pedi told you to

blueyedsweety28

write it out but keep it short .. it is your child and they should respect the way you want her taken care of ..

kristin172429

I would just make her a cheat sheet with very clear instructions.  If you are worried they would take it incorrectly, just say something like "I feel like I am forgetting to tell you everything for her day, so I wrote it all down so I would get everything!"

KatelynEA90

I would write up a feeding schedule and give it to her.

HappyToBe2012

We keep a written schedule of her feedings in the diaper bag and MIL has a copy posted on her fridge. It has approximate times, number of ounces since DD drinks different amounts at different times, and if it's a solids meal, what should be given [ie cereal and container of food or just container of food]. I would also go over it with her and let her know where it's posted.

jf198400

Is your MIL watching your DD fulltime while you work, or just babysitting?  If she is your FT DCP, I honestly think you need to look for alternate care.  Not feeding your child adequette milk each day is a BIG deal.  I agree with PP's you need to have a written down schedule as well.  But if you've already talked about the issue multiple times, it's unlikely that she's going to change much, you need to find someone who will follow your instructions for your child.