oh my god theres really a baby in there — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

oh my god theres really a baby in there

my girlfriend has started showing and.... this is real. oh my god.

 and my social life is probably totally over. we were working on a baby budget and holy *** babies are expensive. even cutting back college hours and adding on work hours it's still gonna be almost impossible... is all the stuff they suggest really nessecary?

Re: oh my god theres really a baby in there

  • Heck no all of it is not necessary but register for everythign see what you get and you can return and purchase from there. We returned $200 worth of stuff and still have that and tons of gift card money to spend on baby preparations. 
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  • Yeah, they're expensive.  But there are ways to save money.  For instance, breastfeeding as opposed to formula saves you a HELL of a lot of money. Likewise, cloth diapers instead of disposable.  Yeah, they cost a lot upfront, but spending $200 or $300 as a one-time cost instead of, say, $20 a week for 2 or 3 years will save you a hell of a lot of money.

     

    Note: I say all of this as a Dad-to-be.  Lord only knows what my wife and I will actually do once the baby arrives. 

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  • There not as expensive as some websites and stores make it out to be. You can go broke if you are not careful...but I agree with the comment above. Register for everything, we did that and honestly folks purchased everything for us. Even people that we are not extremely close to got together and gave us stuff. At the end of the day we got our car seats, stroller, monitor, bouncer, etc. all purchased for us. I would have never thought that would have happened.

    Don't be afraid to include those items and keep your fingers crossed. Also, we started getting bombarded with coupons from BRU and Target so I started purchasing diapers and wipes at 6 months pregnant and now that my kid is here I'm glad I did. They poop a lot, stock up now and spend a little here and there (with the coupons) and it will save you in the long run. ***Just make sure you buy a mixture of diapers and sizes. I got Newborn, 1's and 2's in several brands and so far it's working out fine.

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  • Yes, babies are expensive.  No, they don't have to be as expensive as they suggest.  There are a great deal of things that are optional, and some that are absolutely essential.

     

    Things you 100% need, no matter what:

    Clothes, diapers and wipes (I think those are pretty self explanatory).  You can save money here by hitting 2nd hand stores and garage sales for the clothes and keep an eye out for coupons.  I know Pampers and Huggies usually run coupons fairly frequently for both diapers and the wipes.  You might try store brand diapers (have heard good things about Target's brand).  Also, don't stockpile too many diapers, especially before baby comes.  You may find that Pampers leads to blowouts for your baby, but Huggies does the trick, or the other way around.  Plus most kids don't stay in the newborn diapers for but a few weeks (mine never saw newborn, went straight into size 1 from the womb).

    Car Seat.  Can't take the kid in the car legally without one, you cannot buy one 2nd hand, so you'll be shelling out some cash here.  If you buy one that is convertible, you save money in the long run and don't have to replace it once baby grows out of an infant only seat.

    Crib and mattress.  Kid needs a place to sleep.  Bassinets are NOT necessary, a baby can sleep in a crib just fine.  If you decide to buy 2nd hand on this (which I'm not even sure you can do), just make sure it is up to the latest safety standards.  As far as the mattress goes, buy new, but you don't have to go all out.  We got our son a mattress for like $75.  There are mattresses out there for a couple hundred... unnecessary expense.

    Stroller.  I know you can grab these 2nd hand and save a fair amount of money.

    Feeding stuff:  Rumor has it when Obamacare comes into effect, pump rental from the hospital may be covered 100%, if you go the breastfeeding/pumping route.  Renting may be a better option for you if you go with pumping, explore price points and rental costs and make that determination for yourself.  Breastfeeding is going to be the cheaper option, but may not be the option that works best for your family.  Bottles are like diapers, one brand may work best, so you may find yourself buying a couple different brands to get the one that works best.

    Monitor:  If they don't sleep with you in the same room, you'll need it.

    Most of the other stuff is fairly optional.  You don't have to buy a diaper changer, you can get a changing pad and do it on the floor.  You don't have to buy a baby sling/carrier.  Buying a full crib bedding set is a waste, for safety reasons they don't recommend using the bumper pad or blanket for a while, so just find a simple mattress sheet (and get a waterproof mattress pad).  Your baby won't need a great deal of toys immediately... maybe a small stuffed animal, a tummy time mat and a couple little things until about 3-5 months when they are able to grab and see better.  A baby swing is nice to have (if they'll use it), but not essential and is something you can find at most 2nd hand stores.

    Your major expenses before baby comes/getting ready will be your crib, car seat, the OB care for your wife and maybe a rocking chair/glider for the nursery.  Once baby is here it shifts.  Now it becomes diapers (#1 expense unless you do daycare), wipes, and health care for the little one in case they get sick.

     

    As it was said before, register for EVERYTHING.  Target and Babies R Us (and most other places) will send you a registry completion coupon for 10 or 20% off and can save you some serious money.  You'll be surprised if you get a shower on just how much stuff you can haul in, you may be buying far less than you originally thought.

  • Everyone has already stated some great advice so I won't harp on that.

    However, I will say this- Proud of you man for hanging in there and trying to make it work. A lot of guys in your situation bail at the first sight. I am glad you are sitting down with your girlfriend and trying to find a way to make it work financially and with your school. It isn't easy and you should be proud of yourself too.

    Stay active here. We would all love to know how things are going and are here for any support you need.

     

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  • I agree with all of the points made here.  Babies are expensive, and it only gets worse as they get older and start actually wanting things.

    I would add one thing about diapers.  Sams and Costco will ocassionally get a deal from, say pampers, and they will hook you up with sweet deals.  But we went to both places this last weekend and they were not different from any other place.

    Babies r. us will have great, great deals once in a while.....like two 96 count for the price of one.  We snag on those whenever we see them, but they rarely advertise those deals.

    Deals can be found on diapers....my wife is like a big game hunter when it comes to sniffing those out.  And when you find the deals, go nuts and stock up!

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  • Another decent Babies R Us deal is the buy 2 boxes of diapers and get the $20 gift card deal that they do sporadically.  They also tie in other things to get even more, like a jumbo box of wipes (best value), you get another $5, etc.
  • imageColtsdad:
    Another decent Babies R Us deal is the buy 2 boxes of diapers and get the $20 gift card deal that they do sporadically.  They also tie in other things to get even more, like a jumbo box of wipes (best value), you get another $5, etc.

    We just did that a few weeks back on some item....forget what it was though.

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  • I mentioned hitting the 2nd hand stores... it would be something I would really recommend if you are trying to get set up on the cheap.  You can't get everything there, car seats are illegal to sell 2nd hand for instance, but you can find a great deal of clothing, maybe your bedding and strollers/bouncers/swings at your local 2nd hand baby store for 30-60% off retail prices.  Also, once you find out what you are having, start browsing garage sales if there are any in your area.  You can find baby clothes dirt cheap there, often times you can find a $5 onesie for 50 cents, and kids don't stay in the early couple of sizes long.
  • I am a mom that was just lurking for a minute and wanted to mention that Craigslist can be even cheaper than a second hand store.  If you check on a regular basis you can get some amazing deals and alot of the time the items are like new or even brand new.  Good luck to you guys!  
    DS - 8 years old
    DD = 4 years old
    After 4 CP in 2016, we stopped trying for a 3rd baby.  Now we have a surprise on the way! 


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  • imageRockyTopVols:

    Everyone has already stated some great advice so I won't harp on that.

    However, I will say this- Proud of you man for hanging in there and trying to make it work. A lot of guys in your situation bail at the first sight. I am glad you are sitting down with your girlfriend and trying to find a way to make it work financially and with your school. It isn't easy and you should be proud of yourself too.

    Stay active here. We would all love to know how things are going and are here for any support you need.

     

     

    This all the way. 

    ***Loss and success mentioned***
    Me:34, Wife: 32
    IF reasoning = MFI: Zero Sperm Count using FairFax donor bank
    IUI #1 - #3: 2011 = BFN
    IVF: 2011 = BFN, lost all 10 embryos (with C/Ps)
    Jan 2014 - OBGYN (not RE) found and removed wife's "field of" uterine polyps after failed IVF

    Moving on to surrogacy (actually a planned adoption)
    Surrogate IUI#1: 7.17.12 = BFP!! 15dpiui = 256, 17dpiui = 346
    Oliver Zane born - 3/29/2013 on Good Friday!

    IUI #4 - #6: 2014-2015 = BFN (with C/Ps)
    Switch sperm donors, start ketosis diet to reduce inflammation late 2015
    IVF 2: Jan and Feb 2016, 3 great looking, 8 cell 3 day embryos. Two ET, one frozen
    2.18.2016 (8dp3dt) = BFFP!
    2.22.2016 (12dp3dt) = 649!!

    Started foster care experience in 2012. Now waiting to adopt our foster daughter, 7, who has lived with us for 3 years. 


    "Wait for your God, and don't give up on Him - ever!" Hosea 12:6 (msg)

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    image
  • Search in your area for a shop called "Once Upon A Child". It's a children's only consignment shop. We drive an hour one way to get to our nearest store, but even with gas money and tolls it's completely worth it. Their clothes deals are insane. Plus they have great deals on toys, shoes, carriers, bath items, etc. etc. 

    Example: We went to their Winter Item Mega Sale to outfit our two foster daughters with coats etc. They are 12 and 6. We bought 2 pairs of snowpants, 2 coats, 2 hats, mittens, and a pair of lined snow boots. We used a 20% off coupon that we got after buying items there enough to get enough "stamps" to use it. All of it came out to $40 and some of the items still had tags on them.

    Breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed. Your gf is likely going to get all worked up after the baby is born bc she thinks that she's not feeding enough bc she is having a tough time breast feeding. Many women give up bc of this, but it's very important that you tell her that babies are born with extra fat to give the mom and baby time to learn how to breastfeed. Women still breastfeed only everyday. Breastfeeding will also likely hurt for the first week or so. You need to support her with everything you have to keep her breastfeeding. It's SO expensive to buy formula. Our 10 month old goes through 12.5oz of power formula every other day or so. 12.5oz is $15. Insane when breast milk is free.

    Use your resources. When you are at the hospital after the birth use the lactation consulate. Your gf might say "no, I can figure it out." Tell her you just want to learn more yourself so she'll be more likely to use the consulate. It'll mean a lot for both your wallet and your baby's brain. 

    If you aren't already, get on WIC now. Your gf likely qualifies (even though I don't know your income level.) https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/ 

    Here is a link to the food list you could be getting right now: https://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/benefitsandservices/Snapshot-WIC-Children-WomenFoodPkgs.pdf

    We also got a lot of free things by talking about having kids. Tell everyone you know that you think might be helpful. Did someone you know have a baby a few months ago and can past stuff down? We got a pack and play, crib, swing, bouncer and boaster seats bc of that.

    Signup and use Freecycle. It's a website community that allows you to ask for what you want and you get used items for free. We got our bunk beds this way and a lot of things for our home.

    Research some mom/dad groups in your area to do clothing swaps with. (Try yahoo for this.) There are actually "clothing trains" out there. You hook up to one and when your kid outgrows his/her clothes you hand them to the next person in the "train" and you get stuff from the person ahead of you.

    If you start now you could be in a good position before the baby is born. Don't believe that a baby needs everything. I'm watching a 10 month old chew on a cutting from an old flannel sheet for teething and he likes it better than the $5 chew toy I bought him.

    You are going to be just fine. Hang in there and try not to spend more of your time worrying about things than enjoying this ride. 

    ***Loss and success mentioned***
    Me:34, Wife: 32
    IF reasoning = MFI: Zero Sperm Count using FairFax donor bank
    IUI #1 - #3: 2011 = BFN
    IVF: 2011 = BFN, lost all 10 embryos (with C/Ps)
    Jan 2014 - OBGYN (not RE) found and removed wife's "field of" uterine polyps after failed IVF

    Moving on to surrogacy (actually a planned adoption)
    Surrogate IUI#1: 7.17.12 = BFP!! 15dpiui = 256, 17dpiui = 346
    Oliver Zane born - 3/29/2013 on Good Friday!

    IUI #4 - #6: 2014-2015 = BFN (with C/Ps)
    Switch sperm donors, start ketosis diet to reduce inflammation late 2015
    IVF 2: Jan and Feb 2016, 3 great looking, 8 cell 3 day embryos. Two ET, one frozen
    2.18.2016 (8dp3dt) = BFFP!
    2.22.2016 (12dp3dt) = 649!!

    Started foster care experience in 2012. Now waiting to adopt our foster daughter, 7, who has lived with us for 3 years. 


    "Wait for your God, and don't give up on Him - ever!" Hosea 12:6 (msg)

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    image
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