MIL Vent-Am I being unreasonable?!?

erdonaldson0730

I told MIL yesterday that my husband and I want some time (an hour or so) alone with baby before we have visitors.  And...a direct quote....she said "I think that's very weird. Maybe not weird...odd." UM, it's the same effing word! Oh my gosh, I absolutely LOST it! Is that weird that we want some time before we have visitors? 

hailyf

*Lurking from October* That is not weird AT ALL... I am not even telling people I am going to the hospital. Who wants to see anyone but their new baby and DH/SO after the most important/memorable event in your life. GL with that MIL, she sounds like a cooter. 

PJServello

I absolutely want the same thing and I've tried to put it out there so there are no "surprises" when it happens. I don't think you are being unreasonable. I plan on trying to get the nurses on my side so they can back me up by saying that I need rest or something instead of allowing all of my ILs into the room right afterwards.

leavitt1

You are 100% in the right. Take the time you need with your new family, and ignore anyone who has anything negative to say about it. 

erdonaldson0730

Thank you!!! She is an absolute nut case! I am DREADING her at the hospital.  I will definitely get the nurses on my side and have a code word for everyone to get out! 

brideandbreve

Nah, I don't think you're being unreasonable.

A friend wanted the same thing and had in-laws who were pushing to be there ASAP after the baby was born. She explained to them that the hospital had a skin-to-skin policy for 1-2 hours after the baby is born, and that visitors were discouraged at that time to allow the new parents time to bond with the newborn. That seemed to work for her, and her in-laws didn't show up until after they were prompted to come.

Shazzie116

Not weird. Take your time together bonding, and tell your nurses you don't want any visitors until you are ready. Your MIL can sit her weird butt in the waiting room and twiddle her thumbs. 

EGMphoto

Um, no. But SHE is being an ass.hole.

mandawest

Does she have to know when you go into labor? I wouldnt tell her...

Venezia2007

It's your labor and your baby- you and your DH do what YOU want. My MIL is equally nuts and has been hounding us about calling her the second my contractions start so she can hop in the car and drive up from Philly to "get here in time." DH and I have tried to tell her that there's no rush, labor will likely take awhile, the baby will need to get cleaned up, I'll try to breastfeed before we let anyone in, etc.- nothing seems to resonate with her and her need to "see him first." So we've decided we just won't call and tell DH's parents that I'm in labor until the last possible second, and if that hurts some feelings, then so be it. It was hard for us to get over the fact that they might get upset, but MIL doesn't seem to be concerned with us and our feelings in this matter, so we're putting our comfort and that of our little guy first. And I'm also a cranky pregnant lady at this point, which means I care less and less about what everyone else thinks these days .

JennH28

MelsaX:

You're not being unreasonable. Bishes be cray.

Same kind of deal here with my DH and I. We're having a homebirth, and it's only going to me DH, my mother and the MW here, but he wants to have his parents on the freaking phone to listen to the whole thing. Doesn't quite understand that I don't want his parents to hear me swearing like a sailor and I would prefer if he would just help me thru it instead of being a douche! 

On the phone....?? Now that's weird.  

linzeek44

I don't think it's unreasonable. Although I can see that she might react weird if she didn't know this until you're already 39 weeks. (I think maybe she'd feel disappointed if she thought otherwise and not know how to react.)

Or maybe you've told her a bunch of times and she's just wacky.  

on_a_whim

Not weird at all... in fact, I think it's weird/odd that your MIL thinks that!

DH and I aren't having any visitors at the hospital; we made that clear to everyone.  The only people who we want at the hospital besides us, of course, are my mom and DH's mom... and both are clear that when baby arrives, we will dictate when they can visit.  Everyone else can wait.

hunter91011

We had this conversation with MIL the other day.  DH already told them about a month ago that we would let them know when we were admitted, and we would let them know at that point if I was up for visitors during labor.  Then we had dinner together the other night and something about the birth came up, and I told her that we will need about an hour.  We will need to do some skin to skin, breastfeed and deliver the placenta and get cleaned up before we are ready for people to come in.  My grandparents (dads parents) walked in when my mom still had her legs in stirrups delivering placenta.  I think it is good to let your expectations be known ahead of time.  My MIL didn't seem too thrilled, but I made sure to let her know the things that needed to be done in that time, and that an hour is what the hospital says we will need to get settled.

terri_doula2010

She sounds ridiculous. NO one, including DH and the doctor, held DD for the first hour, much less visitors coming in. I didn't have clothes on for the first hour. We cuddled and then I breastfed.

Granted, the only reason I had visitors that first NIGHT were because I wanted DS to meet his sister as soon as possible.

Cooper611

brideandbreve:

Nah, I don't think you're being unreasonable.

A friend wanted the same thing and had in-laws who were pushing to be there ASAP after the baby was born. She explained to them that the hospital had a skin-to-skin policy for 1-2 hours after the baby is born, and that visitors were discouraged at that time to allow the new parents time to bond with the newborn. That seemed to work for her, and her in-laws didn't show up until after they were prompted to come.

Good idea. 

teacherjess

I was physically so exhausted after labor that I napped off and on for about 5 hours after DD was born. We didn't have visitors for almost 10 hours after she was born because I was so banged up. You are being reasonable and you need your space to recover and be with the baby.

KateD12

Definitely not being unreasonable! I'm looking forward to our alone time, I told my mother the same thing, no visitors right away, I would like a few hours just our new little family as well! 

mavs41

JennH28:

MelsaX:

You're not being unreasonable. Bishes be cray.

Same kind of deal here with my DH and I. We're having a homebirth, and it's only going to me DH, my mother and the MW here, but he wants to have his parents on the freaking phone to listen to the whole thing. Doesn't quite understand that I don't want his parents to hear me swearing like a sailor and I would prefer if he would just help me thru it instead of being a douche! 

On the phone....?? Now that's weird.  

Yes, it is, I laughed out loud at that idea.

hmp1

We didn't have any visitors until the next day. Personally, I would find it odd to have visitors in that first hour while I am being stitched up , baby is having tests, and trying to breastfeed for the first time.

carmendanielle

You aren't being unreasonable one bit!! Stick to your guns...

This sounds like my MIL! I told my family that I only want DH in the room until we are all done with BFing and everything (about an hour or so after delivery) for bonding time. This last week he did mention that having my mom in there would not be a bad idea since this is our first and he wants to make sure I have all the support I need and he isn't sure how he will handle it. I KNOW my MIL will hate not being present... she's already mentioned how she's seen the births of all her grandchildren... but I'm not her daughter! She will just have to get over it and wait like everyone else. I will allow her and my dad to enter first, before friends etc., but definitely not until after DH and I have bonded with LO. It's my body, my labor, and my baby. End of story. 

damabo80

Totally being unreasonable! The minute the baby is out, you should get dressed, and make some tea and sandwiches to welcome visitors who want to hold the baby...they get first dibs on holding, after all. I'm sure you can deliver the placenta while you stir the tea.

Krista123105

Nope, you're not being unreasonable at all.  We've told our families the same rule...we want at least an hour after birth to ourselves.  I'll need to get cleaned up, they'll need to check LO, and I want to BF before everyone comes to visit.

erdonaldson0730

damabo80:

Totally being unreasonable! The minute the baby is out, you should get dressed, and make some tea and sandwiches to welcome visitors who want to hold the baby...they get first dibs on holding, after all. I'm sure you can deliver the placenta while you stir the tea.

HAHA!!!! Exactly!!! This made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the giggles!