Loss Check-In

Mrs Nice · August 2012

Hello Ladies,Welcome to our Thursday Check-In!I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?We finally moved into our new house this past Friday. It was hard leaving our other house but we love our new house and I haven't felt this happy in a very long time
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?It's supposed to rain all weekend here so my goal for this long holiday weekend is to paint Corbin's new room and get it all set up. Having everything back in place will help make me feel like he has a place in this new home
QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?I was never much of a social butterfly before and I'm really not now. A lot of times if people invite us to things and they have kids around Corbin's age or younger I have to ask if the child will be there and then decide if I can handle that
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Getting settled in our new house and figuring out what pictures of Corbin I'm going to put where. I'd wallpaper the house with them if I could
GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?I won't eat meat from a bone (I take a fork and pry off the meat on like KFC and stuff and I will not eat ribs). I also don't eat seafood. Drives DH nuts but I've just never cared for it.

Bayberry12 · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

This week I had a long talk with my MIL on the phone. I haven't really talked with her much at all since my loss. It was hard, and it was sad, and I was emotionally exhausted afterwards. But, it helped me a lot. She talked about my daughter for the first time, and even though it breaks my heart to hear people talk about her, I need to hear others recognize that she was real...that she existed.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

No real goals set right now.

QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?

I used to love going out talking to new people - I worked in retail and loved to talk to people. Now, I really don't like to go out. I worry about meeting new people and questions they might ask. I don't like going out with my friends because I feel like I don't fit in anymore and they all just feel so sorry for me. It's hard right now.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Looking forward to spending the weekend at my IL's house. They are going on vacation and my husband and I are going to get out of the city and spend a few nights at their place to take advantage of their pool while they are away.

GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?

I am totally weird. lol I guess one thing quirky is that I wear a retainer at night.

jbranden12 · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?Not really.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?Keep calm and carry on.
QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?We went to a friend's birthday party over the weekend, it was our first social gathering since Patricia. It was difficult for me. We did share the news about this pregnancy, and as I suspected, no one mentioned Patricia all night. Even friends we hadn't seen since before she died didn't say a word about her. But I held it together, so I guess that's good.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Today Patricia would be 5 months old if she were born alive. I miss her so much. 5 months ago, I couldn't even see forward to this date. I sort of thought the world would end before we got here. Things are difficult now. We're not in shock anymore, and DH and I are struggling separately. I am thankful to be pregnant again, but I know we are putting too much pressure on this baby to be our reason for living and being happy and I fear for what will happen if this one leaves us too.
GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?Realized last night: When I get fast food and bring it home to eat, I prefer to use the ketchup they give you in the packets instead of the ketchup we have at home. I don't know why.

ILoveRedVino · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've decided that daily exercise and no alcohol are going to be really important for my mental health. I had a break down this week that was probably fueled by wine, and realized that I really need to stay away. Lack of exercise wasn't helping either, so a long walk after dinner every night is going to be crucial.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm making some goals at work to keep me focused here. I also have a goal for the next few weeks to get a vacation planned so that H and I have something happy to look forward to.

QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people? I'm beginning to realize that I need to stop talking about the loss. It is driving people away because a) it makes them sad, b) it makes them worry about me and c) they think I'm going off hte deep end. I have my H, who is incredible, but I need to stop burdening other people with this, including close friends and family.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? It has been a rough week. I haven't stopped thinking about him. While I think it is normal (it has only been a few weeks), I don't want to be the kind of person who lives in this sadness forever... I want to be happy and I want to get past this time in our lives.

GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird? I'm OCD about some things. For example, when I get a glass of water, I have to rinse the glass out twice before filling it with what I'm actually drinking.

jbranden12 · August 2012

ILoveRedVino:
QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people? I'm beginning to realize that I need to stop talking about the loss. It is driving people away because a) it makes them sad, b) it makes them worry about me and c) they think I'm going off hte deep end. I have my H, who is incredible, but I need to stop burdening other people with this, including close friends and family.

I'm sorry you have been having such a difficult time. There might be a point where talking about our children can be damaging to our relationships, but please don't let anyone make you feel that wanting to talk about your loss is abnormal. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? That might be a safe place where you could share. Other than that, I have heard of people setting aside a certain time of the day to talk about their grief. That doesn't mean you forget it the rest of the day, but just not make it the main point of conversation. Maybe with your family and friends, you could do a weekly check in? ((HUGS))

karebear57 · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I don't feel like I have, I feel like I'm at a standstill kind of? Idk how to explain it.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I need to get my lazy ass up and start exercising! Quit eating crap too! I hope I can do all this soon...It's easier said than done!
QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?I liked going out and didn't mind crowds at all but now I don't want to be around many people. I was shy before but now I talk even less.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Needing some wt loss, Brianna and how much I wish she was here, I need some new work uniforms, need to ignore my constantly growling stomach!
GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?Oh boy, where do I start? I need all cabinet doors and drawers closed, even at other people's houses and work. Any unused lights need to be turned off and crumbs on the floor and when they get in the bed I spend 5 mins brushing them off. Sweeping is hard to keep up with with the boys and the pets!

OSUWifey09 · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?I think every day is still a new step towards healing. We had Devon cremated and picked up his remains today; that was really hard, and I cried the whole way to the funeral home and the whole way back home. BUT, I feel better. He's home now, and I can truly start to heal. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?I want to get back in shape. I won't do any sort of exercise until my OB clears me in a couple of weeks, but I already have some new clothes I want to get back into by the end of the year [they're in my pre-pregnancy size, so that's my first goal is to get back to that weight]. QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?It really hasn't. I'm OK [for the most part] talking about it with my friends, and they all still reach out to me and try to keep things as normal as possible. We'll see how long this lasts though; I'm out of work for the next four weeks, but I know things will change a lot when I get back to my new normal and return to work. Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?I think I'm still dealing with all the emotions that's come with the loss: anger that I fell and that could very well have caused all this [and anger that I won't be bringing my son home], sadness, guilt that I didn't do enough to protect Devon...I'm all over the place. But it's getting better.GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?I don't like seafood. At all. I start to gag if any sort of seafood gets near me. My poor husband loves seafood but won't eat it often because of me.

Williamandshawnna · August 2012

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

This week has seemed like a step back. I guess it's just the roller coaster of grief. Maybe next week will be better. Oh and last weekend was supposed to be my shower weekend. ughhh

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My main goal is getting in shape for January IVF #2. My plan is to start riding my bike around the lake near our home 4 days a week.

QOTW: How has your loss affected how you socialize with other people?

I don't really know since I have yet to socialize much outside of immediate family members. And work is work, I work in retail so I have to talk to people all day. I kinda just pull up my big girl pants and make it happen. Although today was a tough day, after working alone and the first 5 hours being holiday time busy I broke down. I started crying, I was glad no customers where in the store, but, I usually cry at work when I look at the calendar and think, I should not be here, I should be home with a big belly getting ready to deliver triplets.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

We are taking a long weekend and going up to NY, to spend some time with friends. We will be spending the weekend with 6 kids between 4-10. I have had no issues dealing with babies, children etc. My concern comes when the 10 year old who knew I was pregnant with triplets, and knew I would be getting "really really big" in his words, will ask what happened. Other than that we planned on doing tie dye t-shirts (wish me luck).

GTKY: Do you have anything about you that makes you quirky or weird?

I will not bite into anything to eat it, apples, burgers, candy bars, corn on the cob, ribs. I will use a knife and fork to eat it, or just break it into small pieces. I get the weirdest looks when I do this.