work + unknown outcome = disheartening — The Bump
Infertility Veterans

work + unknown outcome = disheartening

DH owns his own company with 20-30 employees to manage. He works long days (12hrs+) and he has to bring his work home with him most days. You would think he would be the grumpy one about this, but it is me that is frustrated.

Times are still a bit volatile so we want to stay ahead by taking on more than we typically would work wise - and with aaaanother upcoming oop ivf cycle on our shoulders - I am for the most part patient with the amount of time to be dedicated to the business - partly for both of us I am his office mgr.

I suppose my overall whiney selfish gripe is that this work schedule is another way infertility has changed us as individuals and as a couple. If we didn't have the overhead of costly cycling - no one would have to work like a dog, which is ultimately taking away from our care free quality time as a couple.

All I know is that I would have far fewer gripes if the work schedule was paying off with a successful cycle in the end, but we have no way of knowing that we are working hard for something that will "payoff".

Just frustrated and I feel like I selfishly misplace that resentment on DH sometimes. It isn't his fault he has to work night and day to keep ahead - it is just another frustration owed to infertility and I hate it.

Gripe over.

Countless BFN(s)
Moving to IVF

IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

Pressing Forward

IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

FET. 2TFR'ed.
Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
Where do we go from here?

Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
Finally some (tough) answers.


IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

Re: work + unknown outcome = disheartening

  • hugs
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


  • a gripe that is totally justified. IF gets us all down some way or another. It seems to effect the nicest people in this world and for me, I have accepted it as a challenge that "someone" plopped on my shoulders to make be a better, stonger and more patient person. The process of cycle after cycle is simply unfair, but I know that for you, RPL, it will end in success and you will look back at these days as what was needed to achieve your dream. Once you suceed, you will have a whole set of different challenges, some good, some bad, but that is life sadly.

    Chin up, stay strong!

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


  • I think I would have ease..if I knew our extensive efforts were a guarantee, but that is not possible. No crystal ball here. Time is precious and the efforts to pay for these cycles without guaranteed "reward" is stressful. -trying hard to keep my eye on the (hopeful) prize. 

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

  • Hugs! Sorry hun
    imageimage

    Dx: DH - Azoo, Me - Mild PCOS
    DH - sperm found! Seems to produce only for a few days every 70 days!
    Over 1 million in cryo in 15 vials over 6 samples
    IVF #1 - 1 beautiful expanded blast transferred, 4 snowbabies - beta #1 11/30/11 = BFFN
    FET #1, transfered 2 embies 2/16/12 = BFFN; 1 snowbaby left in cryo
    IVF #2 + CGH = 4 genetically normal embies on ice. FET September 26th
    SAIF/PAIF always welcome

    a special GL and prayers to my IF sister Gregermis

    image
    check out my blog!


  • Isn't it incredible how IF seems to permeate into every single nook and cranny? Nothing remains unscathed. 

    I know the anxiety you are feeling, but I'm sure it's even more since you're having to both run a business and overwork yourselves for the unknown.  

    One thing I loathe, perhaps unfairly, is that my DH has a lot of young moms at his office who are working part time, which in turn means getting paid 50% salary. They are in no way shape or form working 50% as much as he is. They leave early to pick up their kids and rarely get invested in projects... so he's left picking up the slack. He never complains publicly, because no one wants to be the person who isn't pro moms in the work place, but given our circumstances it's really difficult.  

    Everyone expects those without children (despite circumstances) to be the ones that should work like dogs, to travel for work, to be away from their spouses because what else do people have to do? No one is there offering extra support for people like us.

    Doctors appointments and the like are hard enough to work around... coupled with the heartache, the uncertainty, and the all around emotional tug-o-war it's hell.

    Gripe away! We certainly understand. 

    (Live in Europe) TTC since 1/2010
  • Huge hugs. I understand perfectly. I'm always the one who has to pick up the slack for the moms at my job and it makes it hurt even more than it already does...
    imageimageimage

    TTC since March 2009 // Me and DH - 28
    Testing Summer/Fall 2010 - Unexplained IF
    IUIs #1-4 ~ Clomid/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IUI #5 ~ Femara/Ovidrel/TI/IUI ~ BFN
    IUIs #6-9 ~ Research Study Meds/Pregnyl/TI/IUI ~ all BFNs
    IVF Consultation, More Testing
    Diagnostic Cycle ~ Mucinex/Progesterone/TI ~ BFN
    IVF #1 ~ Menopur/Bravelle/Ganirelix/Novarel/Progesterone/Lupron
    7R, 6F // 2 transferred // 3 frosties ~ BFN
    FET #1 ~ Estrace/PIO/Lupron
    3 thawed // 2 transferred // 1 lost // no more frosties ~ BFP!!
    Beta #1 - 456 // Beta #2 - 1176 // Beta #3 - 2933 // Beta #4 - 6753
    EDD: May 16, 2013
    Threatened MC at 6w2d
    Bedrest for SCH // 6w2d through 10w1d
    Elevated TSH and Lazy Thyroid DX @ 10w - Started Synthroid
    Finally released from RE at 13w
    Charles Everett ~ Born 5/20/2013

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    ~~ My IF Blog ~~ 

  • Thanks for hearing out my gripe ladies.  I know I should be thankful that we are sustaining and able to pay for these cycles, but I just wish our extra hard work was paying toward a baby fund or college fund or anything with child included guarantee.  Hugs back to each of you dealing with IF work related frustrations. 

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

  • emcaemca
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    member
    I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time.  IF sucks and it is really unfair how it changes all of us.  Good Luck with your CCRM consult.  I just had mine and was able to to for my ODWU on Thursday and I am planning to cycle out there soon.   I am impressed so far and if you want to talk, etc. about CCRM, feel free to PM me.  Tons of hugs. 

    After 1 IUI, 3 IVF's with CGH/CCS testing, 10 early miscarriages, and lots of tears and frustration, we are moving on to Domestic Infant Adoption!  We are so excited to see what the future holds.

  • image emca:
    I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time.  IF sucks and it is really unfair how it changes all of us.  Good Luck with your CCRM consult.  I just had mine and was able to to for my ODWU on Thursday and I am planning to cycle out there soon.   I am impressed so far and if you want to talk, etc. about CCRM, feel free to PM me.  Tons of hugs. 

    I will def take you up on that!  Thanks and best of luck with your cycle!

    Countless BFN(s)
    Moving to IVF

    IVF1 (ICSI): Long Lupron
    6R. 3F. 3DT. 8Cell 1Grade 2Embies. 1Frostie.
    Beta 1/22: 14 Beta 1/24: 24 Beta 1/26: 28
    Round One Result: Chemical Pregnancy

    Pressing Forward

    IVF2 (ICSI/AH/ACU): Microdose Lupron Flare
    13R. 11F. 5DT. 2TFR'ed. 1Frostie.
    Round Two Result 4/30: Harsh BFN

    FET. 2TFR'ed.
    Round Three Result 6/25: BFN
    Where do we go from here?

    Moving forward with CCRM in 2013
    ODWU revealed blocked tube(s). Lap 2/15.
    Bilateral Tubal Ligation. Stage IV Endo.
    Finally some (tough) answers.


    IVF3 (ICSI/CCS): Antagonist with EPP
    13R. We have 3 CCS Normal Embryos!


    Lupron Depot: May 2013 to August 2013
    Long awaited FET on 9/3. 2TFR'ed.
    BFP on FRER 5dp5dt: IN SHOCK!
    Beta1 9/10: 152.7! Beta2 9/12: 378! Beta3 9/14: 1224! 

    1st ultrasound 10/1: TWO beautiful heartbeats!  Overjoyed!

  • Major hugs!  Definitely warranted concerns and frustrations.  Just echoing PP that it really is awful how many things in our lives are affected by IF -- I hate it!
    TTC since honeymoon in 9/2010
    Me: 39, Dx DOR (FSH = 10.5, AMH = 0.43, best AFC = 10), AMA
    MH: 37, Dx Obstructive Azoospermia, multiple successful sperm retrieval procedures

    1/2012: IVF/ICSI #1 Antagonist = cancelled d/t poor response to max stims
    2/2012: IVF/ICSI #2 MDLF (4R, 4M, 1F) = BFP, saw heartbeat, missed m/c 9w0d, D&E
    8/2012: IVF/ICSI #3 EPP/MDLF (7R, 2M, 1F) = BFN

    12/2012: (New RE) Operative hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue

    1/2013: IVF/ICSI #4 Low-dose stim/Antagonist (AFC=6); ER=1/26 (5R-couldn't access rt ovary, 5M, 4F), ET=1/29 (trans 3) = BFP!; 2/11 beta#1(13dp3dt)=2127, 2/13=3367; twin girls due 10/19/13

    PAIF/SAIF very welcome!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt16bf7d.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
  • big big (((hugs)))
    SAIFW
    TTC since 2008 dx PCOS & MFI
    Clomid/Femara no "O"
    IVF #1 BFN
    FET #1 cancelled for biopsy
    FET #1.2 c/p, July 2012 c/p
    IUI #1 & 1.2 canceled
    IVF #2 ER 12/1, Freeze all due to OHSS
    FET #2.1 cancelled due to DVT risk, FET #2.2 Jan 2013
    my blog
    image
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