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2nd Trimester
MonicaClaire13
member
MIL rant
MonicaClaire13
member
Okay, I've cut this to make it shorter cause, that was waaaay too long..
Basically my MIL is claiming that my 11 year-old sister in law will be my unborn daughter's favorite aunt for stupid reasons and it's annoying me because I don't think my daughter needs to have a favorite aunt and I feel like by saying that she's forcing it on us and putting my sister down somehow, because every time my fiance tells her it doesn't really make any sense that his sister would be a favored more because theyre both different enough to be equal and in their own aunt categories she keeps pushing back with 'but this.. and but that.."
I don't understand why she feels the need to put one of our sisters above the other when they're not even in the same generation.
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Re: MIL rant
Ok. I totally have issues with my MIL. She and I don't see eye to eye on most things, and my SIL and I aren't far from that. My SIL is one of the most selfish, immature 21 year olds I know, and I don't think she's changed a diaper in her life, much less the last 3 years. I completely understand where you're coming from. My sisters are 15 months younger than me, and 5 years younger. Both are more qualified to take care of my son, and I would trust them with him over my SIL.
Now, that being said.
It's up to you who babysits and spends time with your child, not your MIL. She literally can talk herself til she's blue in the face, and if you and your FI don't want to do what she's saying, you don't have to. So, stop worrying about that.
As far as favorites go, PLEASE don't get caught up in all that already. There shouldn't be "favorites" in family like that, especially when it's between an 11 year old and a 17 year old (which, based on the 3 years from now scenario, is what I'm assuming your sister is.) That can be really damaging to an 11 year old, especially if she's not close with her older brother.
I totally understand your frustrations with a MIL, and I'm glad you have somewhere like here where you can vent about it. However, I will say, now that it's off your chest, it's time to move past it and go forward. If she brings it up again, just say you don't want your child to have favorites and change the subject. As far as babysitting goes, it'll be your choice. She's excited about having a grand baby, and it sounds like she's always about herself, so don't think that will change at all any time soon.
I hope you're able to enjoy this time, rather than hate it!
Ok where do I start... First of all this kind of all sounds very immature to me. But seriously fighting over who will be the favorite aunt over a child that is not even born yet? Crazy!
Next I just wanted to state that I have 7 brothers. Some we see all the time some only a couple times a year. DS adores them all equally. He has no favorites he loves all his Uncles and Aunts the same. One of my younger brothers is 12 years younger than me and that doesn't make him a bad Uncle and DS loves him dearly.
All family will offer something different to your daughter in the form of a bond a relationship and none is better or worse than the other. Be grateful for the fact she will have 2 aunties to love and watch over her and stop thinking one will be a better Aunt, not better just different. Hope this helps.
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
Just to clear a couple of things up:
I agree, i don't think my daughter will, or needs to have favorites, and i'd rather she didn't.
That's part of what bugs me with what she's saying, because it makes me feel like she's saying that IF my daughter did have a favorite aunt there's no way it'd be my sister
which angers and hurts me.
And with what was said about it being a lot or whatever for an 11 and 17 year-old, i also agree. And that's another part that makes me angry cause she says this around my fiance's sister who IS only 11 and I think it gives her some kind of false expectation of a relationship she'll have with a baby who isn't even born yet.
And I don't mean to say she wont be a good aunt or that my daughter won't love her as much because she's younger.
I had an Uncle who was six and a half years older than my and I loved him. My mother has nine brothers, so I know what that's like to not see everyone as much but still love them all.
It's just a matter of my fiance and I being more comfortable with one person over the other, and a worry that my MIL won't understand that because she's already trying to push my SIL on us in an awkward way
Thank you for your responses though, they do help
You edited so it's kind of hard to figure out everything going on.
Is it possible that the 11 yo is feeling left out and MIL is just trying to get her excited about the baby? Unless she's just generally a grade A b!tch she's probably not doing it as a put down on your sister, but more a build up of her own kid.
I'll just guess that you're getting ahead of yourself to worry about who will be babysitting. Deal with it as it comes.
No, we're not super close, but she is involved in the conversations we have about the baby and everything. Plus, her other sister in law (my fiance's, brother's wife) Has a 7 month old baby boy she just had around the same time last year our little girl is due.
Even if she just building up her own kid, I don't understand why she'd feel the need to? my SIL is close enough to my fiance when they're getting along. They've spent whole days playing games together. So I find it hard to believe she'd feel left out.
Actually, babysitting will be a big thing for me. As soon as I'm off maternity I need to have it planned.
I'm an On Call sales associate, so I really don't have any flexibility. I go when they call, it's my job. I'm not even able to black out days on the calendar as unavailable days. So it's something we think about a lot.
I'm worried that after all this talk and build up from my MIL, she or my SIL will take it as some kind of personal slight that I don't have my SIL babysit..
When really, that's not it, she's just too young to do that on her own right now.
And we don't really want to ask my MIL to babysit or watch with my SIL because, whenever asked to do something like that, she's all giving and friendly, but then she complains about having to do it later..
it's just a complicated situation
I wouldn't worry about this. She's your mother in law, but she's your sister in law's mother. So, of course she wants her daughter to be the best.
But it's just talk. You control your child.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
Tell her "ok, SIL can be the favorite aunt, but MY mom will be the favorite grandma."
Kidding of course, but that would absolutely stop her in her tracks. Next time she brings it up, just tell her she's beating a dead horse and change the subject.
My response would be to smile and say "Yes, I'm sure she will be a wonderful auntie. My baby will have X wonderful aunties and uncles!"
I do have favorite aunts (they are the ones who actually talk to me, even if it's just fluff.) I do have aunts I don't care for (all they've ever said to me was "hello", if they've said that much. Mostly, they just glared at me for my audacity in not yet being an adult.) All of my kid's aunts and uncles like kids, or are at least happy about his existence, so I imagine my kids will like all their aunts and uncles.
If SIL seems put out about not being able to babysit, just say that you think someone needs to be at least 16 (or whatever your number is) before they look after a baby under X months on their own. (For me, it's 16 years and 6-9 months, and then only if I know they'll have someone to drive in an emergency.)