Obnoxious lurker question

carawaynow

Sorry, I'm sure lurkers aren't usually popular on this board, but my google search was unsuccessful.

So here's my question: My husband's coworker will soon be loosing his foster children. He and his partner fostered a baby for a few days and a 5 year old for over a year. They were lead to believe that both placements would likely lead to adoption, and now both children are leaving. He's devastated. I'd like to do something, but am not sure what. I figured the best thing would be to treat it like any other loss - give a card and drop off a meal. Would that be weird/intrusive/etc? Any other suggestions? My husband knows this person pretty well but I've only met him a few times.

 Any suggestions for wording on the card would be great too! 

 

Jermysgirl

I'm not a FP, but I have a good friend who went that route. She had a terrible loss - two little boys that she had fostered for over a year, and she was the only mom the baby had known. Four years later, she has adopted three little girls, but she still grieves her boys. I think treating it like you would if anyone lost their child is a great idea. My friend says that after a while, people figured she'd just get over it, but she still cries on their birthdays.

elissaann26

I think what you are doing sounds great!  Or if you are comfortable, you could invite them out to dinner.  Or maybe give them a gift certificate to the movies.  I was thinking it might be good for them to get out of the house, which would probably now be quieter than usual.  But I think it is really sweet of you to want to reach out to them when their hearts are hurting.

elissaann26

PS- This is not an obnoxious lurker question at all!  Something very thoughtful in a typically unique situation.

 

elissaann26

fredalina:

When the little prince has to say goodbye to the fox, the fox says, "Ah, I shall cry.""It's your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you...""Yes, that is so," said the fox."But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince."Yes, that is so," said the fox."Then it has done you no good at all!""It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."Before the little prince tamed the fox, the wheat field had "nothing to say to" the fox. "But," he had said to the little prince, "you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat..."

This is an awesome suggestion!

Art Teacher

I think it's really nice that you want to do something for them.  I think a card would be very thoughtful -- as far as wording, maybe let them know that you know they are hurting and that you and your husband are thinking of them and available if they want to talk - something like that. 

Dropping off a meal would be nice or like another poster said, sending them out to dinner or a movie. 

 

silliestbunny

Lurkers who want to learn more about adoption today are always welcome

I share in the sentiments that your thoughts are nice.  I'd keep the card short and sweet... "we are thinking of you".... and any meal drop off should be short too.  I know w/losses I had I did not want friends or semi friends over.  Thanks but just leave the meal at the door  
It didn't mean I didn't appreciate it.... just I wasn't in a place I wanted to talk to anyone but my husband.

carawaynow

fredalina:

When the little prince has to say goodbye to the fox, the fox says, "Ah, I shall cry.""It's your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you...""Yes, that is so," said the fox."But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince."Yes, that is so," said the fox."Then it has done you no good at all!""It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."Before the little prince tamed the fox, the wheat field had "nothing to say to" the fox. "But," he had said to the little prince, "you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat..."

Oh my gosh, I'm crying reading this. What a wonderful suggestion. I'm ordering this for them right now! 

carawaynow

Thank you so much everyone for your advice! We'll give them the book and a card, and drop off a meal (or do movie tickets/dinner gift card - I'll ask DH which he thinks would be best) for them. I know when I miscarried the last thing I wanted was to see people, so I don't want to intrude (definitely understand silliestbunny!), but maybe in a few months we can ask them out to dinner. They're such great people, it breaks my heart that they're going through this.