Am I crazy for entertaining this idea re: nanny related?

DallasHorn

Some context...

Our last nanny was with us for 14 months. In short, when we ended her employment, it was a perfect "storm" of events...I was going on a 4 month paid mat leave, DH was getting laid off, plus there were several things going on with nanny (I'll call her "M") that were making my life harder vs. easier.  Given DH would be unemployed, it made no sense pay M to care for the kids. It was the right thing financially to be able to eliminate M's salary expense from our budget.

Fast forward, DH has a new job and our temporary summer sitter will only be with us another couple weeks until she starts 16 hours for the fall semester. I'm actively looking for a nanny with hope that we can find someone who will be with us for at least 1 year. I'm pretty confident that M is still looking for a nanny position b/c I found her profile active on an online childcare site and it notes she's logged in within the last 2 weeks. I have not found another candidate that I love, although I still have a number of candidates to interview.

So you might ask...what was the problem with "M"?

Pros:
- Reliable
- Very creative with the kids, both in terms of finding things to do with them and even getting them to try new foods
- Kids were always safe, no concerns about her driving them
- She wasn't "attached" to her mobile device (so didn't worry that was a non-stop distraction)
- She loved our kids
- Very reasonably priced

Cons
- Ignored specific requests I made regarding the kids meaning she would let them do or eat things I specifically did not approve of, including taking the kids to her house and letting them eat junk food and sit in front of the TV (even though I made it clear the kids were not to go to her house).
- She overindulged them (both with goodies and lack of disipline)
- She became very forgetful - meaning she would forget to go pick up the kids from school
- She wasn't very "clean" meaning did a poor job of really picking up after herself/the kids (so as an example, if she spilled something on the floor, I would have to clean it myself).

I have not reached out to M, and just need to hear from other mom's what you would do. I truly liked M, it was just in the end, I just had had enough of her doing whatever she wanted/felt like with my kids.  (perhaps that was partly due to pg hormones).

 

finhope11

I would look at alternatives first.

MandaPanda518

I wouldn't hire her again. Those are pretty big cons. I'm sure there are other qualified nannies out there who would listen to your requests and remember to pick up your kids from school.

bearfootz

Um, your cons heavily outweigh your pros - in my opinion.  And given that you've ended things with her once I don't think she's going to be that loyal to you so wouldn't expect an improvement.

I'd keep looking. 

Smgrochowski

I would keep looking. Your first con outweighed all the pros for me. I'm a control freak about my kids, though.

aglenn

I understand the temptation...devil you know, and all that.  However, I agree with everyone else.  Those cons are not nit-picky things.  I think you can do better.

jetgrrrl

You've done a good job laying out your pros and cons. The tv, junk food lack of discipline and forgetting to pick them up (I'm a bit confused about that- was she working for you when she was supposed to pick them up or did her "day" start when she picked them up?) are definitely problems.

I would at a minimum work your way through the other interviews. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, as they say, but you should gather as much data as you can since you've started the process anyway. Then you can think about whether you can approach her and make clear to her that you appreciate many things about how she did the job, but that there are other issues that you felt she didn't respond to, and you really need her to commit to abiding by your wishes on those if she'd like to come back to work for you. This, of course, assumes that she wants the job back. 

rockychryslerb2010

I would keep looking.  Most of the cons on your list are big red flags, and I wouldn't want a nanny watching E who was doing one of those, not to mention all of them!

AuburnGirl04

Taking the kids to her house without permission would be enough for me to seek elsewhere.

It is so hard and time consuming to find a good new nanny.  But don't lose hope!  It takes us an average of 6-8 weeks to find one.

Someone good will come along!  Good luck!

DallasHorn

jetgrrrl:

You've done a good job laying out your pros and cons. The tv, junk food lack of discipline and forgetting to pick them up (I'm a bit confused about that- was she working for you when she was supposed to pick them up or did her "day" start when she picked them up?) are definitely problems.

I would at a minimum work your way through the other interviews. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, as they say, but you should gather as much data as you can since you've started the process anyway. Then you can think about whether you can approach her and make clear to her that you appreciate many things about how she did the job, but that there are other issues that you felt she didn't respond to, and you really need her to commit to abiding by your wishes on those if she'd like to come back to work for you. This, of course, assumes that she wants the job back. 

DS would go to preschool twice a week and need to be picked up at 2:15. DD1 needed to be picked up daily at 2:50 (no bus service). Sometimes M would fall asleep on the couch and not set any alarm to wake up OR sometimes she was awake and just completely forget. I WFH so at times I would poke my head out of my office to make sure she had left to do pick up and find her just watching TV, but there was at least 1 time where the school called b/c no one was there to pick up DD1 and I hadn't caught it b/c I was busy iin meetings and M forgot.

aglenn

DallasHorn:

DS would go to preschool twice a week and need to be picked up at 2:15. DD1 needed to be picked up daily at 2:50 (no bus service). Sometimes M would fall asleep on the couch and not set any alarm to wake up OR sometimes she was awake and just completely forget. I WFH so at times I would poke my head out of my office to make sure she had left to do pick up and find her just watching TV, but there was at least 1 time where the school called b/c no one was there to pick up DD1 and I hadn't caught it b/c I was busy iin meetings and M forgot.

Ummm, that's crazy.  That's a no hire to me.

mae0111

Your pros and cons list perfectly describes our current nanny, and we are looking for a replacement.  She sounds disorganized, and as kids get a bit older, that's going to create more challenges.

I'd consider her for an interim basis if you don't find anyone before your summer nanny has to leave (make that clear to M - interim basis), but I'd keep looking.

MyaMaternity

I would NOT hire her again.  She forgets to pick the kids from school!!!  I think that would be my last option.

Bella427

DallasHorn:

jetgrrrl:

You've done a good job laying out your pros and cons. The tv, junk food lack of discipline and forgetting to pick them up (I'm a bit confused about that- was she working for you when she was supposed to pick them up or did her "day" start when she picked them up?) are definitely problems.

I would at a minimum work your way through the other interviews. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't, as they say, but you should gather as much data as you can since you've started the process anyway. Then you can think about whether you can approach her and make clear to her that you appreciate many things about how she did the job, but that there are other issues that you felt she didn't respond to, and you really need her to commit to abiding by your wishes on those if she'd like to come back to work for you. This, of course, assumes that she wants the job back. 

DS would go to preschool twice a week and need to be picked up at 2:15. DD1 needed to be picked up daily at 2:50 (no bus service). Sometimes M would fall asleep on the couch and not set any alarm to wake up OR sometimes she was awake and just completely forget. I WFH so at times I would poke my head out of my office to make sure she had left to do pick up and find her just watching TV, but there was at least 1 time where the school called b/c no one was there to pick up DD1 and I hadn't caught it b/c I was busy iin meetings and M forgot.

No way.  The taking them to her house against your wishes and forgetting to pick up the kids would be absolute deal breakers for me. 

kendra223

Bearfootz:

Um, your cons heavily outweigh your pros - in my opinion.  And given that you've ended things with her once I don't think she's going to be that loyal to you so wouldn't expect an improvement.

I'd keep looking. 

Definetly agree with this. What you were feeling before was not just pregnancy hormones. She was being disrespectful by not going by your rules and it's absolutely crazy that she would forget to pick up your kids! That would permanently stress me out if she was my nanny again... I would always be wondering if my kids were being left somewhere because she "forgot".

She sounds inconsiderate and very lazy.

Beckabooney

aglenn:

I understand the temptation...devil you know, and all that.  However, I agree with everyone else.  Those cons are not nit-picky things.  I think you can do better.

 

This!

Cooper81

Taking the kids somewhere you specifically said not to, her house, and forgetting to pick them up, would be two absolute red flag/never watch my kids again issues for me.  and giving them junk and the TV would be things that, if addressed and not fixed, would lead me to end the nanny/employer relationship.  I wouldn't hire her back, and I don't think it was PG hormones that influenced how you felt at the end of that relationship.

KathrynMD

no - don't do this.

I remember your posts about her before - she was driving you nuts. 

p1nklemonade

your cons completely outweigh your pros.

luvmagoldn

I remember these issues with your nanny.  I would not rehire her.  The cons are pretty big IMO. 

Strunella

mbenit4:

DallasHorn:

Cons
- Ignored specific requests I made regarding the kids meaning she would let them do or eat things I specifically did not approve of, including taking the kids to her house and letting them eat junk food and sit in front of the TV (even though I made it clear the kids were not to go to her house).
- She overindulged them (both with goodies and lack of disipline)
- She became very forgetful - meaning she would forget to go pick up the kids from school
- She wasn't very "clean" meaning did a poor job of really picking up after herself/the kids (so as an example, if she spilled something on the floor, I would have to clean it myself).

I have not reached out to M, and just need to hear from other mom's what you would do. I truly liked M, it was just in the end, I just had had enough of her doing whatever she wanted/felt like with my kids.  (perhaps that was partly due to pg hormones).

Just based on this - I don't even know why you would toy with the idea of hiring her back.

Exactly.  I think you've answered your own question.  She FORGOT to pick up your child?  Frankly, I would have fired her right then and there.  And she doesn't follow directions?  No way in hell would I be considering her again.

DallasHorn

luvmagoldn:

I remember these issues with your nanny.  I would not rehire her.  The cons are pretty big IMO. 

Yep I did post about her. Boy, I was HOT about some of the things going on.

 Many asked why I would even consider bringing her back...really it's becasue DH and my mom keep telling me that I have too high of expectations and am being too hard on her. Their rationale is that she was reliable, the kids were safe, and there was a big love there - kids loved her, she loved our kids (and us).

terpsfan

DallasHorn:

luvmagoldn:

I remember these issues with your nanny.  I would not rehire her.  The cons are pretty big IMO. 

Yep I did post about her. Boy, I was HOT about some of the things going on.

 Many asked why I would even consider bringing her back...really it's becasue DH and my mom keep telling me that I have too high of expectations and am being too hard on her. Their rationale is that she was reliable, the kids were safe, and there was a big love there - kids loved her, she loved our kids (and us).

Taking external influences (DH and your mom) out of the picture, what does your gut say?  Go with that and don't look back.

KathrynMD

I think its great that the kids loved her and vice versa - and that really does count for a lot - and if she was just messy or even feeding the kids junkier food than you would like - I could see my mom and DH telling me I'm being too high maintenance, etc. but seriously, she FORGOT to pick your kid up?  More than once - uh, no!  If I forgot DD at daycare, I'm pretty sure that would be considered child neglect.  That's not cool.  You don't want her back with your kids.  For an occassional babysitter where all she needs to do is stay at home w/ the kids and chill out - I'd be Ok w/ her, but otherwise no.

cougarlicious

DallasHorn:

luvmagoldn:

I remember these issues with your nanny.  I would not rehire her.  The cons are pretty big IMO. 

Yep I did post about her. Boy, I was HOT about some of the things going on.

 Many asked why I would even consider bringing her back...really it's becasue DH and my mom keep telling me that I have too high of expectations and am being too hard on her. Their rationale is that she was reliable, the kids were safe, and there was a big love there - kids loved her, she loved our kids (and us).

I'm not sure how falling asleep and forgetting to pick up kids = reliable??

In today's economy, there are plenty of other nannies that are truly reliable, safe, and will love your kids, AND wouldn't have any of the cons on your list.

Uzo

MandaPanda518:

I wouldn't hire her again. Those are pretty big cons. I'm sure there are other qualified nannies out there who would listen to your requests and remember to pick up your kids from school.

 

This