Feeling Unqualified (Foster)

Blsd4given

We're taking our PRIDE classes right now... The first week, I was super excited and raring to go.  The second week, they kept referencing all this experience that a foster parent has to help... which made me feel rather unqualified.  I don't have any children yet... I'm not a social worker... etc etc.  I've been around children... And there are children in my life... But, I'm not a school teacher or anything like that.  The third week, they were asking about experiences with abuse and disorders and how that will help us with the child.  So, now I feel unqualified because I haven't had enough trauma, bumps, and windy roads in my life...

I'm really excited to foster (and hopefully adopt)... And I have so many desires to show a child the nurturing, permanence, stability, and structure that they need.  But I'm beginning to think that they'll reject my application for not struggling enough.. and not completely immersing myself with child-related experiences.... Anyone else feel this way?

Foster1Mom

I understand how you feel. I think during those classes that is a common feeling. I know I felt like that and I still feel like that at times. I have found reading as much as I can and educating myself really helps.

They really need families to be foster parents. They will not reject you because of this. We are in the same boat on the level of experience and no one has blinked an eye at it. 

beaureve

I felt that way too! Don't worry, many people feel this way. While waiting, I read lots of books to help me understand what we could expect. It has helped me feel much more prepared.

JennaNAaron

I think those feelings are normal.  Just like it is when you have biological kids, no matter how much you read or how prepared you THINK you are, you will still have questions when the time comes.  Trust me I'm there.    I don't feel like that makes me a bad foster parent, and you won't be one either

Blsd4given

What are good books that you would recommend?  Perhaps ones that won't put me to sleep with statistic overload..   Honestly, I really hate to read...(I know.. it's shameful to some)... But if it will help, I'm willing to give it a shot. 

elissaann26

I think there are two important things.  #1 realizing that there are some areas that you don't have experience.  #2 being willing to seek assistance/resources that will help you bridge those gaps.

We are very much like you in that we were fortunate to not have to struggle much in our lives.  However, we are empathetic to the struggle others do have to endure.  And we are willing to say "uncle" when things are out of our comfort zone.  And by saying "uncle" that just means that we have told our social workers that we need help/advice/assistance.  In the process of becoming foster parents we set very clear guidelines of what situations we were comfortable tackling and which ones we were not.  This was very helpful when we received placement calls because we knew right away if on paper it was a yes or a no.  Then there are always other situations/circumstances that you don't expect that you need to give thought to. 

I would strongly suggest that you talk to the Social Worker who is licensing you about your concerns.  They will probably be able to give you another perspective too!

Something else that was stressed in our class is that everyone has experienced a loss of some kind.  So while you may not have experienced the same loss you are still able to relate on some level and be empathetic.