Kill me now.

LoveBeingAWife33008

My sister in law was going to have my FIL move out to CA where she is after he retired this year.  Now she cant stand him and is trying to pawn him off on us. I HATE HIM! If he moves here, I am afraid it will ruin my marriage because I hate him that much. How do I keep him from moving here without hiring a hit man? :-(

missymo

How can she pawn him off on you? Just tell your DH that you are not having it and then tell her thanks, but no thanks.  If he is really such an awful person that your SIL can't even stand him, I'm sure your DH won't be surprised! 

LoveBeingAWife33008

I told him exactly how I feel. His dad sucks at life. My husband is too nice of a person to say no to anyone ever.  His sister will easily tell his dad "Dont move here, go to FL instead."  Considering we have the gradnkids, he just might.  I will hang myself (being overly dramatic due to hormones).

MJHershey

Well now is the time for him to say no. 

 

Is he abusive or dangerous, irresponsible, racist, mean, or just very annoying? 

LoveBeingAWife33008

dirty, stupid, feels like sleeping over after dinner is okay even if he lives down the road, thinks he's entitled to everything because he's "their father".  Makes them drive him around every day/ every where. Must have things his way. Refused to pay a penny for our wedding saying that we can get married at a courthouse for all we care- he doesnt like me anyways. Chews with his mouth open. Says the wrong word for everything (renames places and things). I could go on forever.

judahsmommy1

LoveBeingAWife33008:

dirty, stupid, feels like sleeping over after dinner is okay even if he lives down the road, thinks he's entitled to everything because he's "their father".  Makes them drive him around every day/ every where. Must have things his way. Refused to pay a penny for our wedding saying that we can get married at a courthouse for all we care- he doesnt like me anyways. Chews with his mouth open. Says the wrong word for everything (renames places and things). I could go on forever.

So just generally no good with boundaries then. There's not much you can do if he decides he's going to move close to you. You can't forbid the man from moving to your town. But you can set boundaries and stick to them. Agree on limits with your hubby before hand and stick to them. Like, "We have two days a week we can help you with errands, Dad." "Okay Dad, the kids have to get to bed and we have some work to do before the morning so it's time for you to go!" "No really Dad, you've got to leave now. Do you need a ride home?" "We'd love to help, but we have other plans." "Yep, you're Dad, and you're important to us, but we can't help with that right now." The chewing with his mouth open and renaming things you'll just have to learn to live with. And while saying he doesn't like you anyway was a nasty thing to say, it was your wedding and technically your responsibility. 

robinsokj

LoveBeingAWife33008:

dirty, stupid, feels like sleeping over after dinner is okay even if he lives down the road, thinks he's entitled to everything because he's "their father".  Makes them drive him around every day/ every where. Must have things his way. Refused to pay a penny for our wedding saying that we can get married at a courthouse for all we care- he doesnt like me anyways. Chews with his mouth open. Says the wrong word for everything (renames places and things). I could go on forever.

These seem like pretty minor things. Why can't the man choose for himself what he wants to do after he retires

[Deleted User]

robinsokj:

LoveBeingAWife33008:

dirty, stupid, feels like sleeping over after dinner is okay even if he lives down the road, thinks he's entitled to everything because he's "their father".  Makes them drive him around every day/ every where. Must have things his way. Refused to pay a penny for our wedding saying that we can get married at a courthouse for all we care- he doesnt like me anyways. Chews with his mouth open. Says the wrong word for everything (renames places and things). I could go on forever.

These seem like pretty minor things. Why can't the man choose for himself what he wants to do after he retires

Yeah, this exactly.  Is there something wrong with him that he has to live by/with one on you?  Because that seems weird.

ETA - his behaviors seem weird.  Living by one of his kids is NORMAL.  I'm just not sure why you or SIL gets to tell yes come or no don't come.  

LoveBeingAWife33008

I also dont understand why he HAS to live by one of his kids but his son (My DH) thinks that its normal to want to live by your kids.

I am honestly just bitching and I totally get that I might even be acting irrational. I am just not wanting this- at all. So I am putting my paci in and kicking and throwing a fit on here since I cant do it in real life.

They do seem like minor things until it is one thing after another for hours on end. I love our peaceful, happy life without him in it.

cgr8979

LoveBeingAWife33008:

I also dont understand why he HAS to live by one of his kids but his son (My DH) thinks that its normal to want to live by your kids.

I am honestly just bitching and I totally get that I might even be acting irrational. I am just not wanting this- at all. So I am putting my paci in and kicking and throwing a fit on here since I cant do it in real life.

They do seem like minor things until it is one thing after another for hours on end. I love our peaceful, happy life without him in it.

I'm sorry, but I find this completely normal to want/need to live by your children if you're older. I'm sure he wants to see his grandchildren too. God forbid something happened to him, he would want/need his family near him to help.
I know you said you're hormonal, so maybe just sit back and let your DH handle things on this issue. I'm sure thats much easier said that done, but you don't want to say something that will make things awkward if he does chose to live by yall.

[Deleted User]

Yeah it's completely normal to want to live near your adult children.  I'm sorry you don't like him, but sometimes you just have to suck it up for family.  Tell your H about your fears that it might cause trouble in your marriage and you can work together to set boundaries.