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Parenting
Daycare Troubles (I'm sorry it's long, just at a total loss.)
So, as most of you know, C started DC this week. It's been freaking terrible.
When we drop her off, she cries and throws terrible fits. That part I know takes time to adjust to and I can deal with that. However, everyday except for one day when she got picked up 2 hours early, she is crying her head off. Two of the afternoons she's been screaming her head off and no one has been comforting her. Maybe they are trying to discourage the fit by ignoring it? It's just tough to see her that upset. They say that she's pretty happy during the day, but in the afternoon when her regular teacher leaves, she won't stop crying. However, I feel like the sub teachers that take over aren't making an effort to make her feel comfortable.
We're struggling with her at home now as well. Before and after day care, she is fussy and miserable. All she wants to do is eat. Literally, she won't play or watch tv or chase dogs, she just whines for more, more, more food. On the reports they send home, they say she is eating "fair", but I'm concerned. She's also showing signs that she's not drinking as much as normal. Her poops are rock hard and she's peeing less.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to overreact and assume the DC sucks and is at fault, just because my DD is having a hard time adjusting. It's just a struggle because DD is seriously one of the happiest kids ever. People CONSTANTLY comment on how happy and content she stays. We've never picked her up from anyone babysitting and heard less than. "Oh, she did great. No crying, no fits. We had a great time." I'm just a loss for how to improve things.
I guess my question is should we start looking at a different day care? If not right away, how long would you give her time to adjust before trying to make other arrangements if things don't improve? How can we help her adjust if it doesn't sound like it's problem with the day care?
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Re: Daycare Troubles (I'm sorry it's long, just at a total loss.)
That's really tough. I mean, I think most kids struggle with the transition at first but the rest of what's going would bother me, too. Have you tried going to daycare with her and staying? For some kids that just makes the goodbye worse but not every kid is the same and maybe yours would settle into the new place after seeing you play there and be with her.
At the end of the day, though, sometimes places aren't a good fit. My son was at a small center and he didn't struggle like your daughter but he cried at drop off for weeks. We switched him (not for that reason) and he NEVER cried being dropped off. So I have to believe that something about that other place didn't sit right with him. GL!
Ok, well the other teachers should really be comforting her and helping with that transition! But do know that at some point they have to pay attention to the other kids needs.
It does take about 2-3 for kids to adjust *usually* I've seen it take months.
Just follow their "schedule" at home. meals and naps at the exact same times. even go outside when they do if you can. Talk to your DC as well. Ask those teachers to help out a little well because she is obviously having a rough time. No one wants to pick up a crying kid.
hope it gets better!
When Cannon started Daycare I was so happy that he never once cried when I left. But come to find out that he was crying and throwing fits ALL.DAY.LONG. This went on about 2 week, maybe 3.
I've had issues in the past with this daycare but they love him so much and it's a small center in a small town. So I stuck it out. I'm glad I did, now soon as we get in the door he runs to his classroom and his all smiles.
They say he is just happy all day.
So my suggestion would be to give it some time.
Venus, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't she in a Montessori school? If so have you guys considered a more traditional daycare? It may just be a really be adjustment to that much structure from a more free form home enviroment. Just a thought.
Anyhow I would schedule some time to talk to the director over the phone since I know you're on bed rest. Talk to them about your concerns esp the food and drink stuff, ask them if they can more closely monitor her food and drink intake and give you a better idea of how much/what she's actually eatting and drinking. Ask them for suggestions on what they think might work to help make this go more smoothly and how long they've typically seen it take for kids to transition in who have come from a SAH setting. If you dont feel like they are listening or that they aren't willing to help her adjust better to the environment then I would start looking for alternatives.
Ultimatly it is rough to transition and there are days DD comes home and will seriously just eat and eat and eat even after being in daycare for 2 years. When we put DD in her new daycare a few months ago it took probably a good 2 weeks before we saw any real improvement in her behavior coming and going.
Oh, I'm sorry, I know this is hard on everybody. G has been in daycare from the get-go, but the last transition from the "just walking" room into the full-on toddler room was really rough for her. Her teacher reported that she was snit-fitting pretty much all day for the first week. She was miserable, and clingy as all get out at home. The second week was a little better, and the third week a little more, etc. Probably by the fourth week her teacher said she seemed to be doing a lot better. Those weeks were so hard for me, because I wanted to do something to make it better for her, but there really wasn't much I could do. Our daycare is the same in that the regular teacher is there in the mornings, and in the afternoons it seems to be mostly the young helpers - like, the part time high schoolers or college students.
I think it's totally reasonable to talk to the teacher/director and ask how they are handling comforting her. Also ask about when they are offering her something to drink. See if you are comfortable with their approach. If not, discuss it.
Other things that I did (whether they helped or not, I don't know) was to make a point to learn the names of the teachers/caregivers that were interacting with my child, and then talk to my child about those people when we weren't at daycare. Like, "Remember this morning when Courtney sat by you while you ate your toast? Remember she tickled you? She'll be there to tickle you tomorrow!" And then in the morning I would remind her about Courtney again. I also learned the names of kids in her class, and would bring them up in a similar manner. I also would spend a little more time at drop off and pick up to interact with her and the other kids in class.
It's still just the first week that your DD is at daycare, it's still very new and scary to her I'm sure. If you have a good feel about the daycare (which I expect you do since this is the place you chose), give it time and see if things improve over the next few weeks.
That's really hard. With DS we slowly transitioned him with playdates, a few afternoons, a few days in one week before leaving him full time. He only ever cried for 2-5 mins after I left and loves his DC. However, there was another boy who was transitioned the same and cried and cried and cried non stop, every day. Eventually his mom pulled him out and kept him home because even after 2 weeks it wasn't getting any better. I'm not sure what she did after that.
I would maybe have a chat with the DC and see if there's something they or you can do to help the situation, but in the end, if your DD isn't happy there, I would find something else. I'm sorry it's been so hard on you. This is the last thing you need when you're already feeling helpless.
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Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. I think I will follow your suggestions and speak more thoroughly with her teacher first about the couple of concerns I have this afternoon. If by Wednesday next week, there's been zero change, I will speak to the director about the concerns as well. Then, I guess I will just give it some more time to see if she adjusts better. I'm thinking a month total would be a fair amount of time to give things to improve or to have to move on to a different place. I don't want to blame the DC if they're truly doing their best, but I don't want to just assume they are either and wind up cheating my DD. I know they have a lot of kids to care for and she can't be their #1 all day, but I do want to feel comfortable in the amount of care and attention they are giving her while she transitions.
Oh, and it is a traditional day care, not a Montessori.
Thanks again, guys.
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A has been in daycare since she was around 4 months old old. We changed DC's to an awesome place with awesome teachers when she turned a year. She almost always cries when I drop her off, and she still comes home acting like she is starving. With that said I know for a fact she is having a great day.
Do they give you a sheet letting you know how much she is eating/drinking? I would bet that since this is her first go around at DC that she is still adjusting. I would voice your concerns to the teachers, or center director. I would offer suggestions, and tell them that you know that she can't get 100% of the attention, but ask them to be mindful of what a big change this is for her.
If you don't see improvement after a couple of weeks, then start looking around.
It sounds like you have a good plan, with talking to the teacher, giving it a few days, then the director, and giving her a month to acclimate.
One thing I'll add is that ever since we started DC (at 11 months), Mac was always really tired and cranky in the evenings. Only in the last month or so (when his bedtime moved later) has that noticeably improved. It's the end of the day and there's a lot of stimulation, so he's just exhausted. So her being cranky in the evenings isn't necessarily a sign that something is wrong. I just try to give Mac extra attention and cuddles. It's when he really likes to sit in my lap and drink milk.
That's incredibly true. I'm probably over thinking the crankiness factor.
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