Help! 15 month old crying/whining/screaming, schedule/sleeping, and breastfeeding/weaning issues
Hi - my son is a very adorable, sweet, and - on random moments - very happy 15-month old. I've got 3 main issues below I need to tackle now to keep my sanity and get my household running again. Some people have said, oh, all kids are like this, but I know my first child was not at all. Not sure how all the issues relate exactly and have not been able to pinpoint any patterns. Any tips/insight would be MUCH appreciated! Not sure if I might make a difference, but to note that it was an extremely long (30+ hour natural) labor where they had to eventually break my water, he had the cord wrapped around his neck when he was born, had the marks in his eyes from the pressure, and had rapid breathing for the first couple months. He's also had white poop on a couple occasions, but those seem to have been the result of viruses. Otherwise, every other potential medical issue is teething related and doctor has confirmed he is healthy. Thanks and God bless! 
1) the screaming/crying/whining - since he was born, he's been breastfed on demand...seems like if he's not nursing, not happy for whatever reason, not with me or I try to put him down in the playpen/crib to go to the bathroom, etc, he will do this until I get him and either walk him, nurse him, find something to make him happy. Virtually EVERY diaper change is a nightmare, EVERY time I have to get him in his high chair to feed him there is a fit, and so on. Sometimes toys or TV catch his attention and keep him engaged, but what works and when is random too with the exception of a couple Veggietales he loves. I've tried taking him outside more, playing more, learning more, but nothing besides nursing, walking, or random entertainment seems to work. He's not talking much other than babbles and repeating some words like Mommy/Daddy/boat/car/two/three, etc. I just would love for him to communicate what he wants or what is wrong.
2) the sleeping/schedule - I've been trying to get him on some sort of schedule since he was born. With the exception of 1 day here or there, every day seems random as to when or how much he will sleep. He naps on my lap and I usually have to rock him or nurse him to sleep. Every time I've tried to move him to the crib (even in a deep sleep), he wakes almost every time we put him down, then he's catnapped and up for several more hours. He's napping about once or twice a day and can go to bed for the night anywhere from 8 pm to after midnight. We tried the whole let him cry himself to sleep thing in an attempt to get him in his crib...he went 4 HOURS and would not stop with my husband and I taking turns staying by the crib with him. We could not take it anymore so he is still co-sleeping with us. He'll wake once or twice during the night to nurse. I would guess he gets at least 12-16 hours sleep in a given day, but I have to work hard and break my back sitting in the rocking chair for hours (or sleeping at the edge of the bed on one side) and letting him continue to nurse on demand to keep him sleeping...both for his sake and mine.
3) the breastfeeding/eating/nursing - in addition to breastfeeding on demand, he eats about 3 servings of 3-4 oz each of smooth organic fruit/veggie solids a day. due to his predisposition to my husband's genetic autoimmune disease, we are keeping his diet gluten-free and organic, at least until he's a few years old. We've tried giving him proteins, but he won't have anything to do with it. We've tried various more textured foods like banana, scrambled eggs, the melt in your mouth fruit pieces, etc and he refuses to chew (even though he has a mouth full of teeth) and starts choking. I'm more than ready to wean (we wanted to go at least 1 year), but we're also financially strapped right now and I don't think we'd be able to afford the quality food he would need at the quantities he would need. I have tried giving him more food or different food, but he'll just refuse to eat it so I've had to stick to some favorites of his that he'll eat without fussing. Plus, I don't know the best way to go about it to minimize the already huge problems above. We JUST started getting him to drink more water, but he is still not drinking enough per day for me to feel comfortable not giving him the breastmilk on demand still.
The only conclusion I can draw to all this is perhaps he is not eating or drinking enough (which is hard to believe but I guess possible) and/or not sleeping enough. But, I don't know how to fix it all.
Re: Help! 15 month old crying/whining/screaming, schedule/sleeping, and breastfeeding/weaning issues
You're clearly very patient. I'd want to explode by this point lol
I know by like a year, babies should be eating way more solids and weaned. Obviously the nursing doesn't do any harm, but maybe he's not getting the nutrients he needs now that he is a growing toddler. I know DS drinks like 24 ounces of milk a day on top of his food, so I bet you're right in thinking that your LO isn't getting enough food. And I bet the waking up at night thing is just habitual at this point, but more food will at least give him the calories he needs during the day and hold him over at night.
I know what you mean with the autoimmune disease thing. My son has alopecia and eczema and those are autoimmune. We only feed him organic food and I'd say about 80% all natural foods [ie: nothing processed] so I know how expensive it gets. If I were you, I'd start getting simple things like pureed foods he likes and get them and cut them up small. He will learn how to chew it if you keep at it. I mean, realistically, we don't see people eating only pureed foods. lol
I would be putting a call in to my sons pedi if he wasn't eating normal foods yet.
GL!
Freshie Girl 9.29.12
Talk to your pedi about all of these concerns. If he's only eating breastmilk and fruit and veggie purees, I would say he's not getting enough to eat at that age. But if he's gaining weight well, then he's fine. Definitely keep offering things for him to chew....try avacados. Those are soft and so good for them. Also, protein is great, what about fish? My son also loves yogurt and smoothies for snacks. Really he just eats whatever we eat normall, but every child is so very different. If he has a texture aversion, he might need to see an occupational therapist or something to help. I have a friend whose son did and he's doing so much better now. He finally doesn't gag on everything and eats so much more.
My older son was completely weaned by 15 months and my DS2 is down to just nursing 1 or 2 times per day. So it's a totally different story.
For sleep, you might want to try the Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep tight book for suggestions. But I would say, teaching him to sleep in his crib for naps and night would probably let you sleep better for sure!
My almost 16 month old wakes at 7am and naps by 12 or 12:15pm. He usually naps until 2:30 or 3pm. Then bedtime between 7:30 and 7:45pm.
Good luck!
I'm not really sure what to say. It sounds like he's a clingy baby so maybe some separation anxiety when he's not held? Will he play in the same room you are in while you do something else? Maybe slowly work on that? Fold towels while he sits next to you on the floor and either helps or plays with a toy?
My LO is almost 21 months old but here is his current schedule - when I'm home. I'm not sure if it will help or not. I work 4 days a week and he attends an in-home day care (licensed for up to 12) on those days.
6:30am/7:00am - wakes on his own, diaper change
7:00am - sippy of milk, fruit and cherrios (or similar)
He also watches a TV show around this time (Baby Einstein, Cat in the Hat, Mickey Mouse, etc - about 20-30 minutes while he plays in the living room).
During this additional time he helps me around the house, we play games, color, build with blocks, etc.
10/10:30am - snack
He only takes one nap and usually its anywhere from 11:30am to 1pm for start time and he usually naps for 2hrs.
Lunch is either before or after his nap - depending on when he goes down.
After his nap is another snack - if he had lunch before his nap.
Then it's a TV show and play time. He also helps me around the house with little things. We have a cordless stick vac that he loves to use while I use the big vac. He also loves to put clothes in the washer with me (we have a front load).
5:30/6pm - dinner time (milk, whatever we are having or if it's not his thing - spicy, flavors, etc we'll make him something else like PB&J since we make our own jam or grilled cheese since he loves those).
After dinner is play time again
7pm - bath time (every night - not because I have a dirty kid but we've always had this as a part of his bedtime routine)
7:30/8pm - read, snuggle in the rocking chair in his room and bedtime.
I have a cranky child. I understand. It sucks and it's not your fault. Mine cried all day long for most of his first year. It's gotten immensely better, but my first thought for you was to ask if he's teething. Canines turned mine into a demon. Seriously, I considered asking for an exorcism. He's cutting his 2 year molars now and the bottom ones weren't too bad but he's back to being very cranky while the top ones move through his gums.
Can you get out of the house a lot? We are the happiest when we are busy.
I have no advice about feeding issues, but for sleep I have one word for you: extinction.
Seriously. Put him wherever you want him to sleep (crib, bed, whatever) and shut the door. Don't go back in until the desired amount of time is up. If that means you want him to nap for 2 hours, don't go in until the 2 hour mark. It doesn't sound like you've done much sleep training and standing by the crib while he screams does not count. He will sleep, but he can hold out possibly all night at this point. Eventually he will figure out that you mean business, but not if you cave even a little bit. I know this is not popular, but it will work. He also needs more of a schedule than "going to bed between 8 and midnight." You make the sleep schedule that fits best for him, and then you have to stick to it 110%.