Question for PGaL peeps

wmthorpe0815

Hey Ladies, 

So first off I want to say congrats to all of you ladies who are expecting your rainbow babies. That is amazing and I wish you all the best. I just found out I am pregnant. The line is super faint but it is definitely there. It would bean understatement to say hat I'm scared. I am having a hard time believing that it's true and I keep reliving Letson's pregnancy and how it was perfect and then sh was gone. I am so scared of the possibility since I have had the worse outcome. My husband and best friend reassure me that I'm pregnant but I just don't know how to feel. All the things I thought that reassured me I had a healthy baby I can't believe in and since I'm so early i feel like it could slip through my fingers so easily. I guess my question is when you were in your early stage what seemed to be the dominant emotion? Sorry this was so long but I needed to talk to someone until I can get into my therapist, lol. 

nuttycoconut

I was really scared too and didn't quite believe it. What helped me is I had my betas drawn at 14 dpo, 16 dpo and 19 dpo. When the dr confirmed the pregnancy and rising beta levels I felt better but then I was anxious again until my 6 week ultrasound. I felt guilty for all of these feelings...like I was ungrateful. But of course I was grateful, just scared. Can you call the ob to get bloodwork drawn to ease your mind? Congratulations by the way! 

DesiraeSunshine

Fear, its never gone away. Im 32 weeks, unil 30 weeks we never even entertaind the. Possibility that he may be coming home with us. But still cautious .........and scared. Wait till guilt sets in ::eyeroll..fun.

Heatherhah

I'm not going to lie to you being pregnant after a loss is so hard. It doesn't get better your mind will play tricks on you. I guess my first response to being pregnant was that I didn't believe that I was even after I saw the baby on u/s I still didn't think I was going to have this baby. I am still freaking out. I think this baby is going to die like Sydney did.

I hear that once you possibly find out what you are having and the baby starts to move it gets a little easier. But for me it will be easoer when the baby comes out crying and I take the baby home. But I lost my baby late in pregnancy at 38wks 4 days so there is no safe zone for me which sucks.

Now at being 15 wks it seems to be a little more real but still not much. It is hard. If you need to chat you are welcome to PM me.

Heather

MeggM1

I haven't posted on PGAL although I've been lurking (I don't post regularly on here, although I lurk).  I got my extremely unexpected positive pregnancy test on a Saturday morning and didn't have an appointment with my therapist for another week, and I straight up called her emergency line and left a message telling her I wasn't a danger to myself but that I needed to talk to her ASAP.  It's like, my first thought after walking out of the bathroom and telling my husband it was positive was to call my therapist. 

When she called back she just kept saying "Congratulations!' and really positive things, telling me whatever I had to do to indulge myself to feel better, I should do.  I POS'd about four times, stalked my doctor's office until they got me an appointment, spent some time by myself, told who I wanted to tell and didn't tell who I didn't want to tell - basically I filtered everything through "Does this make me feel better?  No/yes?  Then I will/won't do that." 

I'm rounding out the end of my first trimester now and have had two ultrasounds, and the momentary relief I get after the ultrasounds doesn't last me long, to be honest.  And I anticipate it will be that way through the rest of the pregnancy, since my preterm labor was completely unexpected and unable to be stopped, and I was monitored carefully and seen often because it was a twin pregnancy.  I try to be as proactive as I can and am seeing a high risk doctor, and very communicative to my doctor's office about what I feel I need, and again, I just don't do anything that I feel won't help me to feel better.  I look at my ultrasounds often and call close friends and family that have proven themselves to be empathetic and able to "say the right thing" after my daughter's loss, and those are the people who I find to be the most naturally reassuring now. 

Sorry this is so long, I just relate to you a lot and your question really allowed me some introspection into how I'm managing.  Best wishes for you and seriously - CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!

ffsam31

The fear really has not gone away for me, and I dont know if it will until our little girl is on my arms.  We are 24 weeks right now, and everytime I go to the bathroom I look at the tissue - everytime my stomach hurts, I panic - It is going to be a long road ahead, but keep thinking positive.  Best of luck to you and congrats !!!

weddedwife

The other ladies pretty much nailed it. But the dominant emotion in the beginning was definitely denial. In fact, I still feel it a lot. Now the fear seems to be really setting in though.