What would you do?

chefnicole22

I am about to have a baby girl, and I just can't stop thinking about how she has a half sister and if I should tell this other girls mother. She lives in NY and I am in NC so she wouldn't have to worry about me trying to be in their lives. I just think that since I would want to know then she might too. And I would like her to be able to know her sister when she is older too. Her half sister is around 6 years old. Idk if that makes a difference or not. 

rockabetty1

Interested in the responses on this as my baby will have 3 half-siblings when born. I didn't really think of telling their mother. I was leaning toward NOT telling but I don't really know why.

jpearce327

I don't have any advice but my BFF's DD has a half brother that is about 2 months younger than DD. Both moms know that each other exists and it is just awkward at this point, but BFF and the dad of both got married when they were both around a year so maybe that makes a difference. 

 

BFF does not plan on telling DD when she gets older, just because it was a weird situation, and she doesn't want her to think any less of her dad. 

PrincessFiona9

jpearce327:

I don't have any advice but my BFF's DD has a half brother that is about 2 months younger than DD. Both moms know that each other exists and it is just awkward at this point, but BFF and the dad of both got married when they were both around a year so maybe that makes a difference. 

 

BFF does not plan on telling DD when she gets older, just because it was a weird situation, and she doesn't want her to think any less of her dad. 

I'm sure it will all come out eventually. They should just tell her so she doesn't find out later in life and end up hating her parents for keeping it from her.

Roselis

DS has a half brother that is 8 years older. I will tell DS when he gets older and can understand. It's not something I will hide.

XH has no contact with the brothers mom, so I don't know if she knows

 

septmom11

Im also in this dilemma.  DD has a half brother (7)and a half sister that is only 2 months older than her ( result of ex cheating and now they live together, go figure)  The mother of the baby girl and i both know about eachothers child.  The mother of his son knows about he other baby but not my DD. 

I do not communicate with either of these woman and feel it is not my place to reach out and tell the boys mother about his other sister.  But with that being said is it fair to these kids to grow up not knowing about there siblings!  Or god forbid they find out on there own.  It could really hurt them and i dont want to see that happen to any of these children.  it is a TOUGH situation.  For now I am keeping quiet because Bd and I pretty much hate eachother and he has NO relationship with DD

preggersin2011

It depends upon the relationship that the father has with the 1st child, and what type of relationship he as with you. Things like that aren't for you to meddle with. You can tell your child that they have an older sibling from another mother when they are old enough to understand and leave it to them then. I have half sisters that I have met twice in my life. It really doesn't bother me, I knew about them growing up but my father had no contact with them. When I was a teenage they contacted their father because their children wanted to meet their grandpa, and that is how they found out about that I existed. 

chefnicole22

I do not have a relationship with him and the only one the other other has that he will occasionally pay child support whenever he has a job long enough for them to find him. I don't know when I would tell my daughter that she has a half sister, I was just wondering if I should let this other girls mother know?

FyreFlyeRush

DD has two older half brothers from her Dad's previous marriage. I didn't have the option of telling his mother about her granddaughter, but his exwife knew and chose not to tell the boys about their sister. When she was 9, his mother saw the court order regarding child support. She finally got to meet DD at 12, and he finally told her brothers around the same time. 

 I told DD about her brothers when she was old enough to understand a little, around the time his mom found out. She had already been told why her dad wasn't around, and she surprisingly grasped he treated his sons the same way. He just wasn't around. She texts them and sees them frequently now. And, they love to threaten about boys, taking on the roles of big brother quite happily. 

Nothing can make up for the lost years, but they work to have a relationship now, and we all work to make sure DD knows we're a family.

I would tell his other daughter's mother if you have her info. Then, I'd let her decide how to handle it. I would also make sure his mother knows. Grandparents have rights, too. 

rsp247

Since My ex wants nothing to do with LO I reached out to his ex because I know it was important to me knowing my siblings growing up. I let her decided if and when she wanted to tell her daughter about the baby that is coming. Her daughter is 6 and is so excited about being a big sister.

They live pretty far away so it will be more of an internet type relationship but it is nice to know that my daughter will know her sister. She sends me emails from time to time asking about the baby and giving me updates on LO's sister.

chefnicole22

Thanks for all the responses! It def helped! I emailed the other daughters mom so now I am just waiting to hear back. And I'm nervous!!! The worst that could happen would be for her to tell me to leave her alone or to not answer i guess.

FyreFlyeRush

chefnicole22:

Thanks for all the responses! It def helped! I emailed the other daughters mom so now I am just waiting to hear back. And I'm nervous!!! The worst that could happen would be for her to tell me to leave her alone or to not answer i guess.

Exactly. And you know you made an effort. That is the important part.