Should we take the house, even though we will have a skank as a neighbor?

Luckie519

DH and I are in the process of looking for a house to rent closer to his ILs.  We found a house we love and is in our price range.  It has everything we want!  We were talking to one of DH's friends the other day about it and when we told him where it was, he got an off look on his face.  Then proceeded to tell us that a "friend" of ours, we will call her C, is in the process of buying a house in the same neighborhood.  Not sure how close exactly, but the friend said "a couple of streets away."

Not sure how many of  your remember my posts for almost two years ago.  To make an incredibly long story short, right after DS was born, things were just off with me and DH. 

DH had been friends with C for over 10 years.  Her fiance decided to take a job up north, without consenting her and she was really upset over it.  I knew DH was texting and talking to her, but I had no idea the scale or the context of the texts.

DH all of the sudden started cleaning out his in and out box on his phone, something he never did before and that was my first indication something was up.

I ended up finding some inappropriate text messages between DH and C.  When I checked the phone bill, I had more proof.  It continued to get worse - I found half naked pictures of her in DH's e-mail.  It had been going on for about 2 months. It was horrible.  DH maintains he never slept with her.  I believe him.

Well, I called them both out.  DH and I went to marriage counseling and everything is pretty much back to normal.  We do not see much of her (she is friends with a lot of our friends, so she has been out a couple of times with our group.)

So, my question is, would you still take this house?  We will be renting, so it's not like we are stuck there.  Or should we just find somewhere else? 

ETA:  I know DH is just as guilty as she is.  My title is more of a joke than anything.  So don't read too much into it.

mrsgaines100

HELLLLLL NOOOOOO!  I vehemently believe you should put marriage over location.  Even though you worked through it, part of protecting your marraige is to remove temptation!  Don't do it, you don't deserve the worry and the skank doesnt deserve to be around you guys!!!!!!

Fianschneid

If she lived next door, I would probably pass. I wouldn't worry about a few streets away. You'll probably never run into her.

Like you said, he's just as guilty as she is and if they really wanted to get together, they could do it whereever they lived. It sounds like you have worked things out, though, and have no reason not to trust him. I wouldn't let her get in the way of your life anymore.

SGC29

If she indeed does live that close by, then I would absolutely not live there. No way. 

mrebecca

That's tough. I would say if you really really love the house and can't find anything else as quick as you might need to, take it.
There's going to be skanks everywhere you go.
...unless you move next to thisplaceisstupid, because she clearly would never live among dumb sluts.

MrsKR20

Hell to the No.

Luckie519

I was leaning towards no also.  DH brought it up later that night that he completely understood if I didn't want to move into that house, because of her. 

I do trust him and things are much better.  They both have apologized to me a hundred times, but I am just not sure I am comfortable living that close to her.  Plus, if I had to see her everyday, I would probably throw up on myself.

Luckie519

mrebecca:

That's tough. I would say if you really really love the house and can't find anything else as quick as you might need to, take it.
There's going to be skanks everywhere you go.
...unless you move next to thisplaceisstupid, because she clearly would never live among dumb sluts.

This made me giggle. 

Luckie519

Scout2005:

On the one hand, I emotionally wouldn't want to live near this woman.

On the other, if you have decided to forgive your DH and trust that he will not behave inappropriately again (which I assume is the foundation of being able to move forward still married to him), then proximity to this person shouldn't matter.

What does your DH say about it?

He has left it up to me.  He says he understands if I do not want to take that house.  We do have a few other houses we liked that we want to look at.  So, I think at this point, we will look at the others and then discuss it again.

Maybe we will end up liking another house just as much or more.

ppants

MrsKR20:

Hell to the No.

This

write2nicole

We live about 5 minutes away from MIL. Separate subdivision, but very close. DH and I both bump into MIL all the time at the grocery store, Target, getting takeout...

I understand what PP said about deciding to trust your H and moving on, etc. I agree with that, but this is also about running into C on your home turf at any given moment. If that will give you any anxiety, it's not worth it. 

OTOH, this means you won't be living near your ILs. Are you okay with that?

Luckie519

write2nicole:

We live about 5 minutes away from MIL. Separate subdivision, but very close. DH and I both bump into MIL all the time at the grocery store, Target, getting takeout...

I understand what PP said about deciding to trust your H and moving on, etc. I agree with that, but this is also about running into C on your home turf at any given moment. If that will give you any anxiety, it's not worth it. 

OTOH, this means you won't be living near your ILs. Are you okay with that?

This house isn't in he same neighborhood as the ILs.  It's about 10 minutes away.  We really didn't want to be in the same neighborhood as the ILs either.  All of the houses we were looking at were within 10 minutes of them.

write2nicole

In that case, no. I'd try to be 10 minutes on the other side of them. Really, no reason to have to run into her at the grocery store.

judahsmommy1

I think it 100% depends on how you feel about it. If the question is if he'll start up an affair with her since they lived close by, then I would think there were bigger problems to work through in the marriage than the location of your house (although I probably wouldn't choose that location to live while working on it.) But if you feel very confident that you have a healthy relationship and that the affair is over and done with permanently, then it's just a matter of comfort level. If seeing her on a regular basis would really bother you, or if living close by would bring back bad memories, then it wouldn't be worth it to me. Just my $.02

Damiensmommy45

Ah HELL NO! I couldnt even get all the way through this without getting irritated.

kllrbnny

judahsmommy1:

I think it 100% depends on how you feel about it. If the question is if he'll start up an affair with her since they lived close by, then I would think there were bigger problems to work through in the marriage than the location of your house (although I probably wouldn't choose that location to live while working on it.) But if you feel very confident that you have a healthy relationship and that the affair is over and done with permanently, then it's just a matter of comfort level. If seeing her on a regular basis would really bother you, or if living close by would bring back bad memories, then it wouldn't be worth it to me. Just my $.02

That's pretty much the same as my 2 cents.

ASmallWonder

My first instinct it no but then I was thinking.  Depending on how the town is set up, you could run into her at some stores even living further away.  I'm thinking about where I lived last.  The supermarket I used was actually used by half of my town and half of the neighboring town just due to location.  Some people shopping at that store probably lived nowhere near me, kwim?  But I know my upstairs neighbor shopped at the same store and I honestly only ever ran into her once in like, 3 years.

ThePolishHammer

I wouldn't. I would hate to run into her anywhere. Ever. 

katecham

mrs_sexy:

MrsKR20:

Hell to the No.

This

Absolutely not.  

ATMmom324

I would.  It is a few streets away.  Not next door. Maybe it depends on the neighborhood but I couldn't tell you a thing about the people who live live 3 doors down from me if my life depended on it.  It you are worried about trusting her and DH I don't see what difference a few miles make.

+SMACE+

I can see why you wouldn't but simply being in close proximity isn't going to "make" your DH do something that he otherwise wouldn't do. I mean, when he broke your trust initially you didn't live anywhere near each other.? ?Id maybe tell your h that if you are to feel comfortable in this situation, he needs to bean open book, no deleted messages, forthcoming with everything.?? Even if I'd forgiven him, I'd still be weary and need extra confirmation he was on the up and up.?? I have no idea what I'd do if I was in your shoes. ? But here, I got this for you

Luckie519

+SMACE+:

I can see why you wouldn't but simply being in close proximity isn't going to "make" your DH do something that he otherwise wouldn't do. I mean, when he broke your trust initially you didn't live anywhere near each other.   Id maybe tell your h that if you are to feel comfortable in this situation, he needs to bean open book, no deleted messages, forthcoming with everything.   Even if I'd forgiven him, I'd still be weary and need extra confirmation he was on the up and up.   I have no idea what I'd do if I was in your shoes.   But here, I got this for you

Thanks.  I wish I had this almost 2 years ago!

pearblossom

I would do it. Like a PP said, I have no idea who lives a couple streets over from me. But I would probably get sucked into a need to look fabulous every time I go to the grocery store in case I ran into her.