Dads & Dads-to-be

Seasoned Dads...

Hey Dads,

seems our boy hates his dad.  i returned to work this past weekend, just 1 day a week so far. soon i will be working 3 days again. after just one day, our 6 wk old screamed and cried the entire time that i was gone. as soon as i got home to hold him, he immediately calmed down. this has gone on for 4 days in a row now that i cant set him down. now day 5, he is calm and i can set him down whenever almost, but the hub still cant hold him or calm him down. i fear for a relapse this weekend when i am scheduled to work again. have any of you guys experienced this?  what did you do to create a bond with your baby?

 *** PLEASE leave me input Thanks

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Re: Seasoned Dads...

  • First of all, I can't believe I'm posting here because I HATE that women are posting on the men's board. I occasionally lurk to get an idea of the "daddy perspective"... But if my hubs was a poster here, I'd stay away. 

    That said, I don't think your issue is your hubs... I think your baby is having separation anxiety from being away from you, and he would behave like this no matter who was keeping him. Time is about the only thing that will help... As might giving your baby to your hubs for a while every day while you go for a walk, shower, run errands, etc. , even if baby does cry. It sucks, but he needs to get used to being with his daddy some, and not just you. 

    Good luck! ....and let's stick to our own boards from now on, shall we? (shame on me!) 

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  • imagelancyjo:

    First of all, I can't believe I'm posting here because I HATE that women are posting on the men's board. I occasionally lurk to get an idea of the "daddy perspective"... But if my hubs was a poster here, I'd stay away. 

    That said, I don't think your issue is your hubs... I think your baby is having separation anxiety from being away from you, and he would behave like this no matter who was keeping him. Time is about the only thing that will help... As might giving your baby to your hubs for a while every day while you go for a walk, shower, run errands, etc. , even if baby does cry. It sucks, but he needs to get used to being with his daddy some, and not just you. 

    Good luck! ....and let's stick to our own boards from now on, shall we? (shame on me!) 

     

    when either one of us gets home from working its their turn for the next diaper change. Baby almost always gives us a smile when shes laying down after we get home. We do a lot of teamwork/rotating for almost everything so shes use to seeing us both at all times of day with everything that is done.   

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  • shame on YOU for judging. that is our opinion. thanks, but I dont see an issue when it comes to getting input from a fathers point of view as opposed to a mothers.  Fathers and men are just as good of a resource to ask advice regarding their children as well as Mothers.

    I dont typically post anywhere in the forums, but when i do have a question, i will ask whoever i feel fit.  

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  • imagetdc23:

    shame on YOU for judging. that is our opinion. thanks, but I dont see an issue when it comes to getting input from a fathers point of view as opposed to a mothers.  Fathers and men are just as good of a resource to ask advice regarding their children as well as Mothers.

    I dont typically post anywhere in the forums, but when i do have a question, i will ask whoever i feel fit.  

    Im sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I certainly wasn't judging you, as there wasn't anything to judge you for. For that matter, I don't generally judge people, it's not my place to do so.

    I sincerely hope my advice helps in some way... It has helped my hubs and I with leaving our daughter with my mom. (we both work full time) Returning to work is a hard thing to do and I wish you the best of luck.

    As to women not posting here, I just meant that maybe we should let the board have some space to build itself up before we women bombard it. I know my male friends and husband wouldn't post on a "dad" board that had a lot of women on it... But I think these men need a place to go, like we do! I only responded to your post because I'd had personal experience. Again, I didn't mean to offend... And I hope this helps explain myself better than I did earlier. 

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  • i might've read to far into it. I did post the same question in another Mothers board, but i wanted to get a mans perspective also because my hubs is taking it kind of hard that his son is rejecting him. obviously each baby, and parent, is different, so i was more looking for advice on what each person did different. different perspectives. 

     

    the weird thing is, we always took care of LO 50/50 since day 1. him and i never wanted just 1 parent raising/taking care of our kid, like we've seen in different situations. so, i found it very odd, and hurtful towards hubs, that LO decided to start rejecting dad as soon as i went back to work. with that being said, we've tried different techniques that have been suggested, and they are working, but we'll obviously need to continue the efforts.    so, thank you for both of you inputs. 

     

     

    ps, i think it is wonderful for the Bump to try and cater to the dads of the world. i would like to think that the Dads are just as willing to give advice (to other Dads and Moms) as the Moms are to others.  

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  • Even in the Dads board, you will get two chicks sniping at each other.  Awesome.

     

  • I don't think your boy hates his dad. I think he misses his mommy. I'm curious if you BF exclusively, or if dad sometimes feeds from a bottle. I'm also curious how often dad is the one to calm baby, change him, put him to sleep? I know there's a strong temptation when baby is fussy or mad, to give him to the person most comfortable calming him (generally mom, especially if she BF). This unfortunately can leave dad out of developing skills to calm baby and learn how to anticipate and take care of his needs.

     I'm also wondering if your son is going through a bit of a phase. During growth spurts babies can be uncomfortable and sometimes want to be held and fed all the time. Anyways, your best bet is probably to have your husband act as primary care giver with you in the house (or stepping out for an hour to go to the store, gym, coffee shop... any sort of mom break). That will give him a chance to be the #1 parent without the pressure of a full day of screaming baby.

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  • our son is exclusive formula only. we were always doing things 50/50 when we are home together. Lo has been a very calm, content baby since day one, so for him to throw the fit all day while i worked was very weird for him. i was able to go on any errand for however long, and he would be content with dad. but  i guess because i never came home when he wanted me was more traumatic for him, causing him to be very fussy. this past weekend when i returned to work, things were better for them. LO fussed briefly, but wanted to be held the whole time. Lo was also swaddled in a blanket of his that i slept with the night before to give him my scent. 
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  • imagea2pfunk:

    Even in the Dads board, you will get two chicks sniping at each other.  Awesome.

     

    Yup.


    Anniversary


  • *using wifes SN*

    Both my first and current wife stay at home and I work long hours. I was worried about the babies bonding with me and I brought it up when we were still in the hospital. The nurses said that the baby will bond most with whoever takes care of them. I hate diaper changes and feedings and my wife was fine doing the majority of them but I've always tried to do at least 50% during the time I'm home. We just had #5. He likes me just as much as my wife, just like the others, so it seems to be working. 

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  • imagea2pfunk:

    Even in the Dads board, you will get two chicks sniping at each other.  Awesome.

     

    ::munches popcorn::

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